Tag: visual art

Offensive Poems: With Pictures Preview: “Cute But Offensive Extraterrestrial” & “Space Frog”

The Portly Politico10 Comments

The following is a re-posting of this past Sunday’s edition of Sunday Doodles (Sunday Doodles CXCV), which is normally a perk for $5 and up subscribers to my SubscribeStar Page.  The post serves as a preview, of sorts, to the kind of content that will make up (I hope!) my third book, tentatively entitled Offensive Poems: With Pictures.  I thought I’d bring it to the masses—you, my beloved free subscribers and daily readers—to get feedback—and to let you in on this new project.  —TPP

Typically, Sunday Doodles is reserved for the classy $5 and up subscribers, while $3 a month gets the first Sunday of the month to gawk at doodles.  However, I’m opening this post up to all subscribers.

That’s because this weekend’s edition of Sunday Doodles features a preview of my current book project, Offensive Poems: With Pictures.  This project started almost by accident—I was doodling at an open mic night on Tuesday, 18 July 2023, and started sketching people around me.  Two nights later—Thursday, 20 July 2023—at another open mic, I drew “Cute But Offensive Extraterrestrial”; he prompted me to write the haiku “Learn to Code.”

That got me thinking:  what if I wrote a red-pilled haiku for every doodle?  I was already toying with the idea of writing poems to accompany each doodle, but I wasn’t thinking of making them a satirical commentary on the strange times in which we find ourselves.  Now, I can’t stop coming up with pithy verses about the various sacred cows and empty bromides of our time.  It’s remarkable how many Leftist slogans are seven-syllables, which works great for that second line of each haiku.

Why haiku?  I like the challenge of stating a complex sets of ideas in seventeen syllables.  The structure of a haiku—five syllables in the first and third lines, seven syllables in the second/middle line—means I have to be extremely efficient with words.

And, to be totally honest, I just find haiku easier to work with than other poetic forms.  It offers enough flexibility in terms of rhythm, meter, etc., for a hedge-poet like myself to play around with.  Once I have to worry about iambic pentameter, for example, and stressed and unstressed syllables, it’s a bit too much for yours portly.

That said, I wanted some form, as I find most free verse to be too loose.  There is something to be said for structure, as it forces me to think intentionally about every word.  Also, I find that much free verse quickly becomes indistinguishable from prose.  Much of it seems like prose writing with random or mildly clever line breaks.

So!  Enough rambling.  Let’s get to the doodles!

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TBT^2: Modern Art and Influence

The Portly Politico6 Comments

Doing these retrospective TBT posts reminds me of the cyclical nature of life.  Just like least year, we’re in the slow, lazy days of high summer, when the heat is so intense, a permanent haze hangs over the land.  There is something surreal about it being blindingly bright and languidly hazy at the same time.

I don’t have much more to write about modern art, although I got an eyeful of it at the Art Institute of Chicago.  Some modern art is quite striking and challenging, to be sure, but when I saw a canvas that was literally painted black, I groaned internally.  A former colleague of mine, an art teacher, always said of modern art, “well, somebody had the idea to do something, and did it, so it’s art” (I’m paraphrasing rather loosely there).

It’s one of those things that’s so stupid, it sounds profound.  Her argument was essentially that if you did something—even something asinine—first, you were creating art; you just weren’t born early enough to be the guy to paint a canvas solid black and offer up some lame justification for why it’s a study in how we perceive color.

I’m fairly certain that if I painted a canvas a solid color and donated it to the Art Institute of Chicago, they would not put it on display.  I understand that modern art seeks to “shock” viewers, but the only thing shocking about a black canvas is that it’s presented to the public in one of the finest of fine arts institutions in the country.

But I digress.  It’s all just wealthy idiots smelling their own farts.

With that, here is “TBT: Modern Art and Influence“:

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May 2023 Bandcamp Friday

The Portly PoliticoLeave a comment

Well, here we are again:  another Bandcamp Friday, which means I hope you will consider pitching in a few bucks to buy my music—or my second book!  It’s the last Bandcamp Friday until August, so if you want to support my work, today’s the best day to do so for awhile.

It’s also Teacher Appreciation Week.  What better way to show your appreciation than by buying my awesome merch?

The first Friday of a bunch of months in 2023—February, March, April, May, August, September, October, November, and December—will feature this pro-indie music observance, a day on which Bandcamp waives its usual 15% commission on sales.

In other words, when you buy my music, almost 100% of it goes to me, instead of almost 85%.

Currently, my entire discography of ten releases is $9.50, a savings of 45%, which is not bad for ten releases.  That’s $0.95 per release—not too shabby!  To purchase the full discography, click on any release, and you’ll see the option to purchase all of them.

I’m also selling all of my paintings for $10, with free shipping in the United States, regardless of how many you purchase.  They’re one of kind, so once a painting is purchased, it’s gone.

I’ve also joined Society6, a website that lets artists upload their designs, which can they be printed onto all manner of products (like this throw pillow, or this duvet cover).  Why not get a bookbag with a mouthy droid on it?

I only get 10% of the sales made there, but some of the stuff looks really good—I really want these notebooks with my “Desert View” painting on it (which again, is just $10 for the one-and-only original).  Some of them are straight-up goofy, like this church doodle I made celebrating the presidential pardon of Roger Stone (the description for the piece is “Anger your friends with this doodle commemorating the presidential pardon of America’s most dapper political operative“).

I have a few new paintings from my highly unsuccessful foray into selling at the Lamar Egg Scramble, and I have two new doodles for just $5 each:  Robo Talk 23 No. 1 and No. 2.  I’m also working on quite a few more doodles for Society6, which will also end up here.

My first book, The One-Minute Mysteries of Inspector Gerard: The Ultimate Flatfoot, is $10 in paperback, and just $5 on Kindle.

My second and newest book, Arizonan Sojourn, South Carolinian Dreams: And Other Adventures, is $20 in paperback and $10 on Kindle.

Thanks again for your support!

Happy Friday!

—TPP

Lazy Sunday CXCIV: Paintings

The Portly Politico4 Comments

A quick blurb before today’s post:  I’ve released my second book, Arizonan Sojourn, South Carolinian Dreams: And Other Adventures.  It’s a collection of travel essays I’ve accumulated over the last four years, and it’s available now on Amazon.

Here’s where you can pick it up:

Pick up a copy today!  Even sharing the above links is a huge help.

Thank you for your support!

—TPP

***

I love working in miniature.  That’s probably why I love LEGO and Nanoblocks, and generally small bits of bric-a-brac.  I like composing short pieces, and painting small paintings.

I’ve been reblogging a lot of my painting posts lately, so I figured, “hey, why not put all those posts into an edition of Lazy Sunday?”

So I did!  Not much more to it, but it’s been motivating me to produce some more paintings after a bit of a hiatus away from it.  It’s a fun way to pass the time, and I occasionally make some money from it, which is always a nice little perk.

Happy Sunday!

—TPP

Other Lazy Sunday Installments:

TBT: Even More Little Paintings

The Portly Politico6 Comments

Last week I “threw back” to a post about some of my little paintings.  I’m tinkering with the idea of applying for spots at some upcoming festivals, and it’s gotten me thinking about my little paintings.  I ordered some more of my tiny canvasses, and if I have a bit of time this week, I hope to do some more.

Several of the paintings in this original post have sold, mostly to family members, but also to outside buyers.  I sold several at a school art sale, and the remaining originals are for sale on my Bandcamp page.  Additionally, I’ve incorporated digital images of many of these paintings (and some of my doodles) into merchandise over at Society6, so you can get pillow shams, coffee mugs, and even bath mats with these and other paintings printed on them.  Eventually, I’m going to treat myself to these notebooks featuring my painting “Desert View.”

With that, here is 8 March 2022’s “Even More Little Paintings“:

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SubscribeStar Saturday: Christmas Break Travels, Part IV: Scottsdale and The Whale (2022)

The Portly Politico7 Comments

Today’s post is a SubscribeStar Saturday exclusive.  To read the full post, subscribe to my SubscribeStar page for $1 a month or more.  For a full rundown of everything your subscription gets, click here.

After our trip to Grand Canyon National Park and Prescott, my brother and I indulged in a more leisurely start to our second day in Arizona.  His idea of leisure is a ten-mile run; while he did that, I walked further into downtown Phoenix to pick up some sundries at a local CVS.

Downtown Phoenix feels a great deal like most mid-major American cities:  some tall buildings, often with scaffolding; a few historic sites; and a general sense that public transportation is the preferred method of travel, even if everyone still drives.  There was also an ubiquitous homeless population, which makes sense:  why spend your winters in North Dakota if you don’t have shelter?

Like most mid-major American cities, Phoenix also had its commercialized outdoor shopping mall area, with the kinds of higher-end chain stores that one tends to see in more tourist-y areas.  This zone held the CVS, but it felt like a scaled-down version of City Walk at Universal Studios.  I picked up our vittles and stopped in at Bad Ass Coffee Company of Hawaii, which has apparently colonized the mainland, and picked up a beautiful souvenir tin for my mom (it did not featuring a braying jackass, but rather a woman in a sun hat tending to her coffee plants).

Resupplied and refreshed from our morning, we set out for Scottsdale, the tony, artistic suburb of Phoenix, for more Southwestern culture.

To read the rest of this post, subscribe to my SubscribeStar page for $1 a month or more.

Myersvision: Metal Shop Masters

The Portly Politico9 Comments

Our dear Audre Myers certainly has a niche—competition shows based on obscure crafts.  This week’s installment of Myersvision is no different.

But the craftsmanship (and craftwomanship) here involves bending heavy metal (the actual material, not the music) to the artists’ wills.  It’s a fiery example of forging life and art from inorganic, heavy matter.

I’d like to say I could forge my own metallic coffee cup from leftover aluminum cans (I think my neighbor can do that), but I possess no such skills.  The ability to smith my own nails with casual disdain is another casualty of our modern age (or, perhaps, my own unwillingness to learn blacksmithing when nails are in ready abundance at the hardware store).

Regardless, it’s always a treat to watch master craftsman at work, and Audre really captures the spirit and beauty of that process in this review.

With that, here is Audre’s review of the Netflix series Metal Shop Masters:

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December 2022 Bandcamp Friday

The Portly PoliticoLeave a comment

Ah, yes, December—Christmastime.  A time for merriment with friends, families—and Bandcamp Friday!

The first Friday of December 2022 (today, if you’re reading this on Friday, 2 December 2022) witnesses the return of this pro-indie music observance, a day on which Bandcamp waives its usual 15% commission on sales.

In other words, when you buy my music, almost 100% of it goes to me, instead of almost 85%.

While I haven’t released any new music lately, I managed to release two short collections of music in April—Péchés d’âge moyen II: One Week in March and The Lo-Fi Hymnal II.  All of my releases are just a buck each, though you’re welcome to pay more if you’d like to help out yours portly.

Currently, my entire discography of ten releases is $6.50, a savings of 35%, which is not bad for ten releases.  That’s $0.65 per release—not too shabby!  To purchase the full discography, click on any release, and you’ll see the option to purchase all of them.

I’m also selling all of my paintings for $10, with free shipping in the United States, regardless of how many you purchase.  They’re one of kind, so once a painting is purchased, it’s gone.

Finally, my book The One-Minute Mysteries of Inspector Gerard: The Ultimate Flatfoot is $10 in paperback, and just $5 on Kindle.

And the paperback version is the perfect gift!  Why give someone a boring, predictable gift, when you can give them a collection of unsolvable, absurdist noir detective stories to read around the yule log?  Enjoy egg nog-enriched guffaws as your friends read mystifying tales of hyper-sleuthing.

Give the Gift of Weird this Christmas!

Well, that’s it for this month’s sales pitch.  There’s been a lot of them lately.  Thanks again for your support!

Happy Friday!

—TPP

Memorable Monday: Cyber Monday Musings

The Portly Politico2 Comments

It’s Cyber Monday here in the United States, yet another day to hawk my wares to my unwitting—uh, I mean “loyal”—readers.

Here’s the big one:  the Kindle edition of my book, The One-Minute Mysteries of Inspector Gerard: The Ultimate Flatfoot, is on sale for just $0.99 through midnight (EST) this Thursday, 2 December 2022!

And the paperback version is the perfect gift!  Why give someone a boring, predictable gift, when you can give them a collection of unsolvable, absurdist noir detective stories to read around the yule log?  Enjoy egg nog-enriched guffaws as your friends read mystifying tales of hyper-sleuthing.

Give the Gift of Weird this Christmas—like crudely painted primitivist artwork!

While you’re at it, why not head over to my SubscribeStar page and subscribe for $1/month to unlock all of my SubscribeStar Saturday posts.  For $5/month, you get fresh doodles every Sunday, as well as other random bonuses.

Well, you get the idea.  Support yours portly on this feast of savings!

With that, here is 2 December 2019’s “Cyber Monday Musings“:

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Flashback Friday^4: Brack Friday Bunduru: Workers Need a Break

The Portly Politico5 Comments

It’s another Black Friday here in the United States, the day when retailers are finally in the red after convincing everyone to storm the commercial Bastille and buy flat-screen televisions at rock-bottom prices.  It’s intriguing to consider that our entire retail sector hinges on the successful execution of one day of sales to shore up an entire year of losses and (I will recklessly assume) corporate mismanagement.

I vastly prefer teaching music lessons, which put me into the black pretty much from the beginning of the year and throughout.  Of course, there are lots of other ways you can help me stay in the black, such as…

Seriously, my whole marketing tactic this Christmas season is “Give the Gift of Weird.”  Why give someone another scented candle they’ll shove into a drawer and forget about?  You can totally win your White Elephant gift exchange with a self-published book of unsolvable, absurdist detective stories.  Or help an oddball relative celebrate with a painting of a demonic-looking beast sword.

Release yourself from the shackles of predictable gifts that no one wants or needs!  Don’t risk setting fire to your house with some crappy candle.  Instead, be fire on Christmas morning with some wacky, one-of-a-kind gifts from yours portly.

You’ll also be giving those schmucks at Target a break, which they desperately need after sacrificing Thanksgiving to fulfill your insatiable lust for plastic knick-knacks.

With that, here is “Flashback Friday^2: Brack Friday Bunduru: Workers Need a Break“:

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