It’s another Black Friday here in the United States, the day when retailers are finally in the red after convincing everyone to storm the commercial Bastille and buy flat-screen televisions at rock-bottom prices. It’s intriguing to consider that our entire retail sector hinges on the successful execution of one day of sales to shore up an entire year of losses and (I will recklessly assume) corporate mismanagement.
I vastly prefer teaching music lessons, which put me into the black pretty much from the beginning of the year and throughout. Of course, there are lots of other ways you can help me stay in the black, such as…
Seriously, my whole marketing tactic this Christmas season is “Give the Gift of Weird.” Why give someone another scented candle they’ll shove into a drawer and forget about? You can totally win your White Elephant gift exchange with a self-published book of unsolvable, absurdist detective stories. Or help an oddball relative celebrate with a painting of a demonic-looking beast sword.
Release yourself from the shackles of predictable gifts that no one wants or needs! Don’t risk setting fire to your house with some crappy candle. Instead, be fire on Christmas morning with some wacky, one-of-a-kind gifts from yours portly.
You’ll also be giving those schmucks at Target a break, which they desperately need after sacrificing Thanksgiving to fulfill your insatiable lust for plastic knick-knacks.
With that, here is “Flashback Friday^2: Brack Friday Bunduru: Workers Need a Break“: