Monday Morning Movie Review: Portly’s Top Ten Best Films: #8: Heavy Metal (1981)

There won’t be many animated films on my list—I don’t think!—but this week’s selection is the major exception.  If you like sword and sorcery, low fantasy carnage, outrageous science fiction, and classic hard rock, you’ll love 1981’s animated anthology Heavy Metal.

Heavy Metal is one of those flicks that won’t appeal to everyone, but it’s one that I find myself returning to routinely for repeat viewings.  I’ve always been a sucker for anthologies, and while some of the stories are a bit uneven, the effect of the whole is a colorful, musical ride through a fantastical, dark, humorous worlds.

Read More »

Lazy Sunday CLXV: More Movies, Part XXIX: Ponty and Portly’s #1 Worst Films

At long last, the retrospective of worst films comes to a close.  Ponty and I are both relieved to have this project done, although I think it was harder on him than me.  My capacity for consuming trash—both filmically and gastrointestinally—is a bit more substantial than his own.  Of course, that just means his biting vitriol is that much better:

Perhaps Ponty and I should host a film festival and screen these two flicks, then see which is worse.  Which would be your pick?

Happy Sunday!

—TPP

Other Lazy Sunday Installments:

Homecoming Week Grind

Today’s post is a SubscribeStar Saturday exclusive.  To read the full post, subscribe to my SubscribeStar page for $1 a month or more.  For a full rundown of everything your subscription gets, click here.

The end of The Age of The Virus has brought about a return of “normalcy,” as then-candidate Warren G. Harding famously said during the 1920 presidential election.  Normalcy is good, and I welcome it.

Granted, the world of today is not the same as the world of The Before Times, in the Long, Long Ago.  Widespread lunacy seems to constitute “normalcy,” and the sane among us must do our best to endure it.

But if the The Virus fundamentally transformed the assumptions of our civilization—fear trumps freedom; coercion trumps liberty—the outward trappings of “the good old days” still stretch a thin facade of fun over the face of a conquered people.

So it was that my school celebrated its annual Homecoming this past week.  It was fun, but fun can be a grind!

To read the rest of this post, subscribe to my SubscribeStar page for $1 a month or more.

Phone it in Friday XXVII: Virtual Learning Hurricane Holiday

Hurricane Ian has been battering Florida, and South Carolina should be experiencing the effects of said battering today, albeit to a vastly diminished degree.  The weather is calling for high winds and lots of rain, but nothing that seems (to me, anyway) particularly dangerous.  I just wouldn’t recommend hanging out underneath any old trees.

Naturally, the slightest degree of inclemency prompts the shuttering of all operations for those of us in the cushier fields like education.  Fear of the “L Word”—Liability—means my administration has opted to close the school today, lest some witless teen driver find himself, wheels spinning, in a watery ditch.

Of course, in this post-The Virus era—here in The Days After The Age of The Virus—there are no longer inclement weather “holidays,” as there were in The Before Times, in the Long, Long Ago.  Now we can hop seamlessly online, teaching and learning from the comfort of our couches.

Read More »

TBT: The Weather

Hurricane Ian is swirling about, sending everything and everyone into a tizzy (folks in Florida, please be safe).  It’s also thrown a windy wrench into my schedule, which was already planned down to the minute for nearly every day this week.

Well, no use crying over spilt rainwater.  I’m thankful for the relative safety of the inland, and that we live in a time when we have some advanced warning about the impending meteorological apocalypses that routinely batter us.

This hurricane aside, we’ve been enjoying some pleasant weather here in South Carolina—it almost feels like fall!  The mornings have been crisp and cool, and even required a light jacket one day last week.  Here’s hoping the sweater weather descends soon.

Here’s hoping my readers in Florida and along the coastal regions of the Southeast are safe.  Audre, be sure to batten down the hatches.

With that, here is 29 September 2021’s “The Weather“:

Read More »

Suspend…

After putting out my appeal for contributors last week, Audre Myers immediately answered the call.  Within a couple of hours, I had a piece from her in my inbox—and what a fun piece it is!

Audre is a woman of many talents and interests; one of those interests, I’m happy to report, is Bigfoot.  While I’m not going to claim that Bigfoot exists, this site is pro-Bigfoot, in the sense that any musings about our aloof cryptozoological friend will always find a welcome home here at The Portly Politico.  I even floated the idea of Audre doing a regular post about the hairy beast, but she said he’s been quiet lately.

Until now, it seems!  Idaho has more than potatoes, Mormons, Californians, and Mariella Hunt—it might also have a muscular man-ape roaming about!

With that, here is Audre’s piece, in which she will ask you to “Suspend…”:

Read More »

Bible Study Update II

An eager commenter on my original “Bible Study” post prompted me to give a second brief update on my daily Bible reading (I wrote the first update back in July 2022).  Apparently, my humble daily regimen inspired the reader to establish a schedule of her own.  To that, all I can say is, “To God Be the Glory!”

That said, it’s satisfying to know that the words I scribble down on this self-indulgent blog do, indeed, reach people.  There are probably fewer things more pleasurable to a writer than to find that his words have made some impact on his readers, and the pleasure is enhanced when it’s a stranger.  We all understand that we influence those close to us, for good or for ill, because we can see the effects more clearly.  But the idea that a stranger might be reading our words is a small sign that we’re expanding beyond our immediate familial and social circles to wider audiences.  It feels good.

But I digress.  This post is about studying the Bible, not tooting my own saxophone; pride, after all, is a sin.

Read More »

Monday Morning Movie Review: Ponty’s Top Ten Best Films: #9: Shaun of the Dead (2004)

Ponty has been plugging away at this Top Ten Best Films, and as I predicted, he’s suffering from an embarrassment of riches.  Doing the bad films was difficult in some ways, but if you call a “bad” film wrong, it’s no big deal—no one would watch it, anyway.

Good films, while rarer, are still abundant enough to make the selection process difficult.  Just when you think you have a sense for your list, you’re reminded of some classic that you managed to forget in the depths of your memory hole.

That was my experience when reading Ponty’s #9 pick.  I love this film (which came out when I was in college), but somehow it had slipped my mind for consideration in my own list.  What a fool I was!  As Dr. Samuel Johnson wrote (to paraphrase, since I don’t feel like looking up the exact quotation): “We don’t need to be taught so much as we need to be reminded.”  So true!

Well, Ponty did an excellent job reminding me in this impressive review.

With that, here is Ponty’s review of 2004’s Shaun of the Dead:

Read More »

Lazy Sunday CLXIV: More Movies, Part XXVIII: Portly’s Worst Films, Part III

The long retrospective of the worst films ever is nearly over, which means after over six months of self-torture, we’ll finally be through rehashing these wretched films.

My #4, #3, and #2 picks are particularly accursed, and definitely deserve their spots so close to #1:

Wow, a depressing mix of bad films this week.  Maybe the worst films of all time—mine and Ponty’s respective #1 picks—next Sunday will ease the pain.  Or just double down on it.

Well, sometimes to escape the crevasse, we must descend deeper into it.  D’oh!

Happy Sunday!

—TPP

Other Lazy Sunday Installments: