This installment of Phone it in Friday: YouTube Roundup is quite phoned-in, as all of today’s videos were in Wednesday’s post. But if you prefer to scroll through videos about Japanese Trapdoor Snails and koi ponds instead of reading, today’s post is for you!
It’s hard to understate how excited I was to get these snails. Now that they’re here, I want more fish! Such is the nature of human endeavors—we always want more. There is always another fish to conquer.
Once again it’s tax season in the United States. I won’t bore you—again—with the details of our bizarre, nightmarish tax situation, but to suffice it to say that, at the time of writing, yours portly and his dear Dr. Wife are about $5500 poorer and Uncle Sam is probably paying for a federal inmates gender reassignment surgery. Next year will be much easier, but it’s always a pain.
I think what I resent most is that the federal government is now party to every economic exchange I make outside of purchasing a brownie from a sidewalk bake sale. Any money I earn gets reported. Indeed, I probably report more than I really need to, because I do take seriously Jesus’ instruction to “render unto Caesar that which is Caesar’s.” I just wish Caesar was spending my money in the national interest, not in the niche interests of some special interest group or immigrant group that got here fifteen seconds ago.
But it is—for another year, at least—done. Now I’m free to enjoy Spring Break and to wait, watchful and eel-like, for next year.
With that, here is 10 April 2025’s “TBT^65,536: End the Income Tax“:
Yesterday (Tuesday, 7 April 2026) was a big day for the pond. After noticing the water level falling, I purchased a Boogie Blue Plus Garden House Filter (that’s an Amazon Affiliate link; I receive a portion of any purchases made through this link, at no additional cost to you) and topped off the pond.
I also had a shipment of Japanese Trapdoor Snails from www.prettykoifish.com. I have been dying to add these massive mollusk beauties to our pond since I first learned about them. They are the cleaning crew of any pond, and as they settle in and become active, they’ll deep clean the water and the liner.
Right now, our pond water is very murky. That’s actually good for the koi—they prefer it to be murky—and is a sign of healthy biodiversity. The only downside is that we can’t see our fish unless they’re coming up to feed! It will take a few weeks, maybe months, but the Japanese Trapdoor Snails should start to hoover up lots of detritus.
I’m nearly done—I think—with Koi Dance. I’d like to write one or two more pieces for the collection, particularly one based on Japanese Trapdoor Snails. I should have fifty-five of the suckers arriving via airmail this afternoon, and I’m excited to plop them into our pond. They should clean up some of the murkiness quite nicely.
Today’s piece is a return to form for me, with the usual sort of counterpoint and tight harmonization I usually favor. The first section is particularly based on parallel motion between the two parts, but the second section features a multimeter fugal section.
It’s also the only piece based on a fish that doesn’t live in a koi pond (as far as I know). But when I heard what I’d scribbled down, it just sounded like a sturgeon!
Yours portly has begun his glorious Spring Break. In years past, it’d be dedicated to nonstop indolence and self-indulgence (or, during my school maintenance years, to making some extra scratch). Now Dr. Wife and I are working on getting the house unpacked and put into place.
We put a good dent into things this weekend, although there is still much left to do. We managed to get quite a bit done in the kitchen, and last night I took some time to get my old stereo system and record player setup in my office.
I also purged a massive number of old CD cases (and some CDs), some of which I have not listened to in years (but I did keep my vast, nearly-complete collection of Rush CDs). Ever since moving, our goal has been to reduce our clutter as much as possible. I come from a long line of nesters, with a lot of “antique maximalists” (to use my sister-in-law’s phrase) in our family lineage. I’ve endeavored to keep the best stuff, sell the good stuff, and give away the dross. Even so, we’re still finding stuff from both of our old homes that, as we combine households, we just don’t need anymore.
Today I’m out of the house and running errands down in the “big city”—Florence, South Carolina. Murphy is getting a much-needed bath and nail trim. While she’s getting the spa treatment, I’ve been taking care of the “to-do” list.
He Is Risen! He Is Risen Indeed!
Happy Easter to my readers. I hope today will be a day of both rest and merriment, a time spent with your families celebrating the Resurrection of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
Enjoy this wonderful day, my friends.
God Bless,
TPP
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After probably twenty hours and redoing our FY2025 taxes four times across four different software systems, each with their own distinct, labyrinthian logic, I finally filed our federal and State income taxes.
In the process, our balance due to the federal government swung wildly as I tried (in vain) to get Form 8962 to work correctly, which resulted in our federal return being denied—like Christ Being Denied by Peter—three times.
Finally, however, the cock crowed, and we coughed up our pound of flesh (and then some) to Uncle Sam and the States of North and South Carolina.
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The warm weather has the koi all in a tizzy whenever I get home from work. The warmth makes them more active—and hungry. So my new after-school ritual is to take Murphy out to do her business, then we sit by the koi pond while I feed the fish.
It’s pretty sweet. I think we have about ten of them—they’re hard to count—and I introduced a couple of butterfly koi and another twenty rosy red minnows a couple of days ago. Here’s hoping they do well!
I’m still waiting on Japanese Trapdoor Snails to show up at the big aquarium store down in Columbia, but I may end up ordering them from a supplier (or some guy on eBay, like I did with the ramshorn snails).
Regardless, here’s a fun video of the koi eating!
In looking for a piece to reblog for this installment of TBT, I stumbled upon this piece involving some late-night McDonald’s shenanigans. I really should compile a short collection of essays about my various misadventures at McDonald’s—and other fast food joints. Slapping together fifty pages musing about fast food in the 2020s would be much like the food itself—cheap, reprocessed garbage that costs too much and is unfit for human consumption.
And yet, the cheap flavor and saltiness of such a volume would entice just as a nocturnal cheeseburger might. What say you, dear readers? Should I put together such a lofty tome? Leave a comment and let me know.
With that, here is 2 April 2025’s “Held Hostage by a Trans Autist at McDonald’s“:
Yours portly has spent the last two nights laboring over income tax returns for Dr. Wife and myself. My taxes are always a bit unusual because I have so many side hustles (and 1099s as a result), but getting married in late 2025 changed quite a bit. Apparently, the State of South Carolina treats all income reported on the federal tax return as income due to the State, but you can claw it back to avoid double taxation (which is unconstitutional) by pulling the AGI from another State’s return (in this case, Dr. Wife’s earnings were entirely in North Carolina). I was shocked to learn that North Carolina has a lower State income tax than South Carolina, especially as we’re the allegedly more conservative of the two Carolinas. Yeesh!
Quick note: do not take any of the above as financial or tax advice. I’m not even sure if I’m explaining all of that correctly (to my younger brother: don’t panic—I did everything by the book, I just can’t remember every little exact detail at the time of writing, and don’t feel like looking it all up again, but I did it correctly).
As per usual, filling out tax forms reminds me of how much I despise the income tax, in part because it demands that we reveal so much of ourselves to the federal government. Like with so many things, though, we reveal intimate details about our lives—like how big our home office is—so we can grasp onto a few more of our own dollars. At this point, we should do away with all deductions and just charge everyone a flat 5% of their income—or, better yet, abolish the income tax and shift to a flat national sales tax. It’s way easier to control my spending than to try to calculate what percentage of my cell phone usage was for business purposes.
It’s also frustrating to hustle and scrimp and save all year, only to be punished for it come tax day (and, yes, I should start paying taxes quarterly—that’s coming under the new Dr. Wife/Portly regime).
