What’s the opposite of Bigfoot, a hairy loner that lives in the woods and avoids people (but loves grainy, out-of-focus trail cams)? Probably not pathological hoarders, but maybe that’s close: they can’t get away from their meddling relations and the government, which imperiously demands their children not live in homes covered in old Chinese newspapers and rat feces. The gall!
Unlike our elusive, hirsute woodland friend, these folks have the opportunity to bask in the limelight—of shame. If reality television serves any useful social function (debatable), it’s that it occasionally shames mentally-scarred weirdos, making the rest of feel better about ourselves in the process.
At least, I always suspected that was the point of shows with hoarders and morbidly obese people (I wonder how big—no pun intended—of an overlap there is between those disorders?) was for us to shake our heads and thank God we aren’t as screwed up as those people. As Audre Myers gently implies here, we’re all screwed up (true), and but for the Grace of God, we’d be holding onto broken baseball bats and takeout flyers.
I also can’t criticize Hoarding Americans too much, as my natural inclinations towards packrattery and a weird holdover Depression/Recession Era mentality make me loathe to waste anything—or to let too much go. I’m especially that way with books, so when I successfully donated a massive cardboard box of old books to the local library, I took it as a good sign that I am not a hoarder, just a slob. Shew!
All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. We all need grace and compassion—even the hoarders.
With that, here is Audre’s review of the A&E series Hoarders:
After four retrospective installments of Myersvision, we’re finally getting into Audre Myers‘s pet (no pun intended) project: Bigfoot. Audre would never dream of keeping a Bigfoot as a pet—she has too much respect for the creatures—but she loves to scrutinize the myriad sources about him.
Brace yourself for more Bigfoot in the Lazy Sundays to come. We’re through Audre’s looking glass here:
“Myersvision: Iceman (1984)” – The non-cryptozoology piece this weekend, here is Audre’s review of 1984’s Iceman. This film is a forgotten gem—or, perhaps, ice crystal.
“Myersvision: My Very Large Friend” – No, Audre didn’t write this piece about yours portly. It’s about Bigfoot, and about some of the sightings of the “big lug,” as I call him, around the world.
“Myersvision: Project Bigfoot” – Audre breaks down a video containing multiple parts, giving her quick analysis and hot takes of each section.
Audre Myers just can’t resist the alluring song of the Bigfoot, and keeps coming back to drink at the well of grainy video footage and armchair cryptozoological speculation. As she quaffs away, we benefit from her insights in the form of thoughtful analyses of our big hairy friend.
What I still can’t get over is the lack of compelling, clear footage of Bigfoot. There’s always some post hoc rationalization for why the video doesn’t work (one of the more infamous examples I recall is the gentleman who had a branch in front of his trail cam, and the labored explanation that the infrared light emitted from it washed out the image). Some of these videos of alleged sightings are so blurry, it seems that the power of suggestion is at play more than clear examination. We want to see a Bigfoot, so we see one. Clever YouTubers will draw a conical outline around the fuzzy form and proclaim, “Ah ha! See! It must be Bigfoot because it has a head shaped like a cone!” Maybe it’s just Dan Aykroyd reprising his role in Coneheads(1993). Now you’ll start seeing him when you watch this blurry footage.
This video, however, seems different. Whatever the creature is, it is massive.
I decided to keep the good times rolling with posts from our senior correspondent, Audre Myers, who contributes her Myersvisionpieces approximately every Wednesday. This weekend’s selections are from that glorious Christmas season, which is reflected in the two films she reviewed:
What is the connection between Bigfoot and the Shroud of Turin? Not much, except both involve investigating the mysteries of the science and faith, the two intertwining to reveal a larger picture.
At least, that is my takeaway from this excellent piece from Audre Myers. In an attempt to salvage my blog’s reputation, Audre earlier this week demurred from submitting any more Bigfoot-related content, but the siren song of the hairy lug is too hard to resist.
As always, Audre approaches the subject with tenderness, curiosity, and analytical thinking. She also notes that belief in Bigfoot is largely optional and up to you to decide, but belief in Jesus Christ is paramount. If we can believe in the former, we must believe in the latter.
With that, here is Audre with “From Years Gone By”:
Audre Myers has done real yeowoman’s work in the realm of “sane, evidence-based Bigfoot belief.” There are a lot of cranks out there, as Audre would be the first to admit, but she brings much-needed rationality to the study of Bigfoot, all while retaining her childlike sense of wonder.
Recordings of Bigfoot abound, but beyond mere yelps and screeches, the creatures apparently possess language. This ability makes sense, as I intuit at some gut level that, if Bigfoot does exist, he is not merely a woodland ape, but something containing intelligence. It might not be human intelligence, but it is intelligence nonetheless.
Audre breaks down their language—called “Samari”—in this cogent post. Perhaps in addition to finding the Bigfoot, we might also find his Rosetta Stone, unlocking the language of another intelligent species.
With that, here is Audre on the language of the Bigfoot:
Audre has studied hundreds—maybe thousands—of Bigfootage on YouTube, and seems to have a discerning eye for what could be real and what’s fake. The realm of Bigfoot is a world awash in fakery and grifters, which does much to discredit the study of this potential creature.
Audre cuts through the noise well, and while I’m still not convinced—and it may very well take (God Forbid) a Bigfoot corpse to convince most folks—she continues to make a compelling case for his existence:
Prior to Audre Myers submitting this post, I had no idea that Bigfoots allegedly build unique “structures.” I have no idea what the significance of these structure are, and I’m skeptical—they seem like they could easily be the result of thunderbolts or other creatures smashing through the forests—but I’m open to the idea that they are the result of a hairy intelligence with massive feet.
Audre presents the evidence. Take a look, and leave a comment. Are these the structures of an intelligent creature? Are they elaborate hoaxes? Or the result of natural phenomena? Maybe it’s something other than Bigfoot altogether—gulp!
With that, here is Audre’s examination of Bigfoot “structures”: