Monday Morning Movie Review: Portly’s Top Ten Best Films: #8: Heavy Metal (1981)

There won’t be many animated films on my list—I don’t think!—but this week’s selection is the major exception.  If you like sword and sorcery, low fantasy carnage, outrageous science fiction, and classic hard rock, you’ll love 1981’s animated anthology Heavy Metal.

Heavy Metal is one of those flicks that won’t appeal to everyone, but it’s one that I find myself returning to routinely for repeat viewings.  I’ve always been a sucker for anthologies, and while some of the stories are a bit uneven, the effect of the whole is a colorful, musical ride through a fantastical, dark, humorous worlds.

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Lazy Sunday CLXV: More Movies, Part XXIX: Ponty and Portly’s #1 Worst Films

At long last, the retrospective of worst films comes to a close.  Ponty and I are both relieved to have this project done, although I think it was harder on him than me.  My capacity for consuming trash—both filmically and gastrointestinally—is a bit more substantial than his own.  Of course, that just means his biting vitriol is that much better:

Perhaps Ponty and I should host a film festival and screen these two flicks, then see which is worse.  Which would be your pick?

Happy Sunday!


Other Lazy Sunday Installments:

Lazy Sunday CLXIV: More Movies, Part XXVIII: Portly’s Worst Films, Part III

The long retrospective of the worst films ever is nearly over, which means after over six months of self-torture, we’ll finally be through rehashing these wretched films.

My #4, #3, and #2 picks are particularly accursed, and definitely deserve their spots so close to #1:

Wow, a depressing mix of bad films this week.  Maybe the worst films of all time—mine and Ponty’s respective #1 picks—next Sunday will ease the pain.  Or just double down on it.

Well, sometimes to escape the crevasse, we must descend deeper into it.  D’oh!

Happy Sunday!


Other Lazy Sunday Installments:

Monday Morning Movie Review: Portly’s Top Ten Best Films: #9: Uncle Buck (1989)

This week’s film is going in my #9 slot, but I think it deserves to be much higher.  I’ve been busy, though, and have not painstakingly plotted out my top ten, as I’m sure Ponty has done.  Instead, I’m going week-by-week with my favorites, including those that are top-of-mind for me.

That said, I love this film, and once this list is finished, I might have to edit the order to the “real” one.

Regardless, it’s my distinct pleasure to review one of the best family comedies ever written, John Hughes’s incomparable Uncle Buck (1989):

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Lazy Sunday CLXIII: More Movies, Part XXVII: Ponty’s Worst Films, Part III

We’re nearing the end of this long retrospective of mine and Ponty’s lists of the ten worst films, and back to Ponty this week.  His excoriation of Elf (2003) nearly landed me in hot water with my girlfriend’s family, who thought I wrote the review!  Here is what I did write about Elf:

Elf is one of those movies I’ve never seen in its entirety, but I know about all-too-well [sic].  It seems that every girl I’ve ever met loves this movie, but not just with some yuletide enthusiasm; they act like it’s the greatest Christmas film ever made.

Well, it turns out I was right; my girlfriend, her sisters, and her mom were none-too-pleased (is “none-too-pleased” another [sic]-able abuse of hyphens?)!  They acted as though I’d blasphemed Jesus (or that Ponty did).

Well, blogging is all about churning up some controversy, right?  I imagine they’d be a bit more amenable to Ponty’s next three picks (although Titanic might bring about more howls of female outrage—I’ll report back in a week, if I’m still alive after they read this preamble!):

We’ll look at my #4-#2 picks next Sunday, then close out with our #1 picks in the final Lazy Sunday post in the series.

Stay tuned—and Happy Sunday!


Other Lazy Sunday Installments:

Monday Morning Movie Review: Ponty’s Top Ten Best Films: #10: A Quiet Place (2018)

The Top Ten Best Films list now jumps over to Ponty, who I believe is enjoying a much-deserved holiday this week (although that was possibly last week).  Here’s hoping he’s enjoying some peace and quiet.

Speaking of quiet, Ponty’s first pick for his list is a film that explores a terrifying world in which staying quiet is the only way to stay alive.  If only students were similarly terrified into shivering silence.  Oh, well.

It’s a wonderful picture—one of my favorite recent films, too—and a very intriguing concept, executed extremely well.  I could say the same thing about this review, which is exceptionally thorough and interesting (and has me wanting to go back and watch 1963’s Jason and The Argonauts).

With that, here is Ponty’s review of 2018’s A Quiet Place:

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Lazy Sunday CLXII: More Movies, Part XXV: Portly’s Worst Films, Part II

As Ponty and I are digging into what we consider to be the best films off all time, I’m continuing looking back at our major blogging project for most of 2022:  our lists of the Top Ten Worst Films.  Here’s are my next three picks from that long list:

Happy Sunday!


Other Lazy Sunday Installments:

Midweek Myers Movie Review: Finding Neverland (2004)

It is perhaps a sad commentary on our times—or on my own twisted imagination—that when I saw the title of the film Audre Myers‘s reviewed this week, I thought it might have something to do with Michael Jackson’s troubled, unusual relationships with minors.

Fortunately, that was not the case (which would have been quite incongruous for Audre), and instead she offered up a lovely review of what sounds like a lovely film.

There seems to be a whole genre of these films now, something that might be called a “whimsical biopic.”  They tend to focus on harmlessly eccentric Brits who lived quirky lives and created memorable children’s book characters or the like.

Well, I’m all for them.  Give me a rose-tinted view of historic Britishness any day!

With that, here is Audre’s review of 2004’s Finding Neverland:

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Monday Morning Movie Review: Portly’s Top Ten Best Films: #10: Better Off Dead (1985)

After nearly five months of going through the worst films, Ponty and I have decided to launch a list of what we consider the best films of all time.

I don’t know about Ponty’s list, but for me, I’m treating this list partially as my favorite films of all time.  As much as I love writing movie reviews, I’m no professional critic, so what I consider to be the “best” might also just happen to coincide heavily with what I consider to be my “favorite” movies.  I’m sure there are technical and artistic grounds on which films could be deemed “better” than others, or the “best” compared to other films, but I’m not necessarily diving into those flicks.

Which brings me to this week’s pick for the #10 ten slot (although, honestly, it could be higher; ironically, it’s here at #10 just because I watched it recently):  the 1985 absurdist romantic comedy Better Off Dead:

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