Monday Morning Movie Review: Ponty Praises Donnie Darko (2001)

After much cajoling, dear old Ponty has delivered his magnum opus—the long-anticipated review of 2001’s moody, depression-inducing Donnie Darko.

I’ve gotsta hand it to old Pontifex Maximus:  he sure knows how to write a review.  Even yours portly—who, as readers know well, is never wrong in his reasoned, intelligent assessments—is regarding his position after reading Ponty’s review.  I may even give DD a second (or is it third or fourth, at this point?) chance.

I won’t spoil anything, but Ponty explains filters out the mud and the grey and brings some light to this otherwise dismal film.

With that, here is Ponty’s review of 2001’s Donnie Darko:

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Ponty Praises: Ghost of Tsushima (2020)

Yours portly has been giving Ponty a bit of ribbing about writing his rebuttal to my Caldecott Award-winning review of Donnie Darko (1999).  Please know, dear readers (and dear Ponty) that it’s all a spot of fun; I know Ponty is a busy man.

Indeed, he’s been busy replaying 2020’s Ghost of Tsushima, a samurai action-adventure epic.  Just reading through his review, I was blown away by two things:  how realistic the trees in the game look (you’ll see what I mean below) and the love and dedication with which Ponty approaches his reviews.  Game journalism might be rigged in the mainstream publications, but not here at The Portly Politico.  With Ponty’s in-depth analysis, you’re getting the best video game reviewing and analysis of our time.

That might sound like hyperbole, but TPP is blessed to host some great writers.  Ponty’s video game and film reviews always deliver.  In this case, I’m eager to pick up and try Ghost of Tsushima myself… but I don’t have a PS4 or PS5!  Here’s hoping for a port to the Nintendo Switch or the PC.

In the meantime, I can live vicariously through Ponty’s thirteenth-century samurai escapades—and so can you!

With that, here is Ponty’s review of 2020’s Ghost of Tsushima:

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Ponty Pontificates: BBC Hails Swift as the Second Coming

Taylor Swift is, for the current moment, the biggest pop cultural phenomenon of the decade.  Her Eras tour has grossed billions, with tickets selling out almost immediately.  Indeed, the tour has a lottery-based system that grants the opportunity to purchase tickets—which still sell out instantly.  She’s singlehandedly gotten women interested in professional football, not because they care about the games, but because Taylor Swift is dating a player, Travis Kelce.

Swift is the embodiment of what every basic white girl wants to be:  famous, admired, talented, wealthy, attractive.  Her fans (Swifties) grew up with her, and now have the earning power to spend those aforementioned billions on concert tickets, tour merch, t-shirts, friendship bracelets, and everything else that goes with a major tour.

To say that Swift has a rabidly loyal fanbase is an understatement.  Girls get vicious when it comes to talk of Taylor Swift.  Believe me, I know—I teach teenage girls everyday, and the ones that love Swift love her.  Mention Swift’s string of failed relationships (and the songs that come from them), and they’ll leap to her defense.  Suggest she’s dating Kelce for the exposure, and they’ll claim (not incorrectly) that she gave the exposure to him.  Believe me, they get very defensive of “Taylor” (to be clear, I don’t go around challenging teenage girls about their interest in pop music, but I hear their conversations with other students all the time).

I have a begrudging respect for Swift’s songwriting prowess—she wrote one song in 5/4 time, which is impressive for pop music—but otherwise I suspect her power over her fans is terrifying.  It is an immense source of power.  Women are herd-like and aggressively social in their behavior, and are far more likely to follow a directive from Taylor Swift (or Oprah, or Beyoncé), than to think critically about what their queen/goddess/self-insert wish fulfilment diva thinks.

I’ve even conceived of a short story concept in which a Taylor Swift-style pop star suddenly encourages her fans to become traditional wives—and that is what breaks the starlet’s spell over her fans, who no longer worship someone who encourages sacrifice and giving up an empty, solipsistic existence.

The concern—as Ponty touches on here—is that Swift, a vocal Democrat, will start plumping for The Usurper Biden (or whoever the candidate will be).  Then, her legions of unthinking fans will vote for the party of excess, debauchery, and death.

It is perhaps a tad unfavorable to Swift’s fans to imagine them as occult worshippers of a tall, skinny babe with a microphone, but the slavish devotion with which they dedicate themselves to their icon is startling.  Of course, we’re just living with the consequences of the Nineteenth Amendment.

I’ll let Ponty take it from here.  Here is his discussion of the BBC’s obsession with Taylor Swift:

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Day Off

Yours portly is taking the day off from blogging.  I’m enjoying time with my girl (the human one, not Murphy; Murphy is enjoying time with my neighbors).

I was hoping to run Ponty’s response to my masterpiece review of Donnie Darko (2001) today.  You’ll hear from Ponty on a different topic later this week, but I can only assume his extended tardiness in sending along a detailed critique is a tacit indication that he has come around to my viewpoint.  Indeed, readers will readily agree that the only reasonable reason he hasn’t sent his review—surely it’s not due to busyness, or illness, or spending time with Tina—is that dear Ponty has realized I was right all along, and there’s no point in challenging me further on the issue.

So with that note of brotherly reconciliation and rhetorical dominance, I bid everyone a wonderful Monday.  I’ll be enjoying a relaxing day with my girl, basking in the knowledge that I’ve once again swayed public opinion about twenty-plus-year-old movies in a positive direction.

Cheers!

—TPP

Ponty Reviews: Stray (2022)

2024 is in full swing, and Ponty is already pitching in with his hot takes on video games.

His latest review covers the 2022 video game Stray, in which players take control of a feline protagonist in a post-apocalyptic world.

I remember when Stray hit a couple years ago.  The premise seemed intriguing, and gameplay footage and screenshots looked gorgeous.  The Blade Runner aesthetic and MS-DOS-faced robots added another level of charm.

Cats and the Internet go hand in paw, and pretty soon even the most casual of gamers—but the most ardent of cat lovers—were playing the game.  I even recall rumors that the game would be up for Game of the Year, though that didn’t happen for reasons Ponty eludes to in his review.

It’s also a favorite among couples, as most women even loosely associated or familiar with gaming love cats, some to the point of building their personalities around it.  Naturally, these cat moms flocked to the game.

I have not played the game, unfortunately, but I’d like to try it.  I do have to wonder, though—why didn’t somebody think of this concept sooner?  Given the gaming world’s love of cats, it seems like a slam dunk.  In the case of Stray, it really was!

With that, here’s Ponty’s review of Stray:

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Lazy Sunday CXXXIV: Best Ponty Posts of 2023

After posting my best posts of 2023 last week, it occurred to me that my loyal guest contributors deserved some love.  Ergo, I decided to put together a “Best Guest Posts of 2023” post.

As I began going through the top three most-viewed guest contributions, however, I realized they all belonged to Ponty/Always a Kid for Today, one of the greatest and most stalwart champions of this humble blog.  As such, I’m dedicating this edition of Lazy Sunday to his three best posts of 2023.

Some disclaimers:  “best” is purely quantitative, based on view count.  Of course, Ponty’s work is always qualitatively excellent, too.  Also, the posts had to be published in 2023.  The numbers are based on when I checked them, which was 31 December 2023 (the perfect time to review the last year’s numbers!).

So, without further ado, here are Ponty’s three best posts of 2023:

Happy Sunday—and Happy New Year!

—TPP

Other Lazy Sunday Installments:

The Ponty Christmas Special

Yes, yes—we’re already into 2024, and at this point, Christmas 2023 is a distant, fuzzy memory.  But as I’ve pointed out in other posts this holiday season, Christmastime traditionally runs through Epiphany, on 6 January.  So, why not keep the Christmas spirit alive just a bit longer—eh?

In reading Ponty’s Christmas missive, you’ll get a sense for how much he loves the intimate coziness and spirit of Christmas.  Even more, it’s hard to miss how much he loves the intimate coziness and spirit of Tina, his beloved girlfriend/common-law wife/soulmate.  Whatever they are, they are meant for each other, just like the characters in the Hallmark movies Ponty endures each December.  Nothing says, “I love you” like letting your significant other own a hotel on Boardwalk in Monopoly.

I share something of Ponty’s resigned pessimism for the future.  Like Ponty, though, it does not stem from a place of hopelessness, but rather inspires me to dedicate myself more to the people in my life.  There’s precious little I can do about national politics (or a bunch of stoner judges in Colorado), but I can do a great deal to help those around me—even if that means losing a few games of Monopoly.

With that, here is Ponty sharing about his and Tina’s wonderful Christmas and New Year’s plans:

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Lazy Sunday CCXII: Ponty Week 2023

If the week of Independence Day was MAGAWeek2023, then last week was the unofficial Ponty Week 2023.  Regular contributor and right good bloke Pontiac Dream 39 (or 39 Pontiac Dream?)/Always a Kid for Today/Ponty sent in a trio of great pieces, and I decided to schedule them all for the same week.

So, in case you missed any of these excellent contributions from our favorite Englishman, here are Ponty’s posts:

That’s it for this ultra-British edition of Lazy Sunday.  Cheers!

—TPP

Other Lazy Sunday Installments: