The cruise bug has latched onto me with its luxurious pincers and won’t let go. Dr. Wife and I enjoyed an amazing honeymoon on a Royal Caribbean cruise ship, the Explorer of the Seas, which visited the Dominican Republic and the Bahamas. It was my first cruise, and I loved it.
Naturally, I took the opportunity to film some silly YouTube Shorts, three of which I’m sharing up today:
In my never-ending quest for lo-fi, low-effort YouTube (and blog) content, I make the most of whatever limited assets and time I have to churn out highly-compressed but—I hope—charming content for the masses.
Such is the case with today’s post. I made this video with just one picture I took with my iPhone SE’s camera (mainly to show Dr. Fiancée that I was playing as Blackbeard the Pirate in Civilization VII). I recorded the voiceover with the Voice Memo app on my phone, and used iMovie (again, on my phone) to put in the picture (three times) against the voice message.
Apparently, when I send the finished video file to Telegram, it deeply compresses the video quality (although I think it does the same if I save the video to my phone and upload it to YouTube from there). The most it can muster is 360p, which might as well be a VHS recording that I’ve sloppily converted to a digital format.
Whatever the case, the video was a fun experiment. I hope you agree!
Lately yours portly has been losing weight (I’m down about thirty-one pounds since July 2025), so I’ll often search for calorie counts for unusual food items to make sure I’m not going to blow my entire caloric budget for the day with one ill-considered snack. That has sent me down some gut-bustingly hilarious rabbit holes, where I will ask Google’s Gemini AI insane questions like, “how many calories would be in a four-pound baked potato, into which I cut canals and holes to increase fat absorption, and which I soaked overnight in pure goose fat; then, I bore holes into either end and insert luscious Italian sausage in the middle of the potato, after which I wrap it in thick-cut bacon and deep-fry it in beef tallow?”
The AI then usually scolds me for how unhealthy consuming such a sumptuous, greasy feast would be, at which point I try to double-down on the absudity.
Clearly, yours portly has an odd (and probably unhealthy, given my medical history) relationship with food. That strange obsession has manifested itself on my YouTube page.
Don’t worry, dear readers: I’m not a “lolcow,” consuming vast quantities of food for the sick and twisted pleasure of a hate-watching audience. I just like to do what every mother warns against: I play with my food.
Today’s videos are examples of that tendency to elevate food into absurdist humor:
Halloween is a week past, but I still have some episodes of 31 Days of Halloween to share! By now, most interested readers have sought these final videos out on their own, but in case you missed any of the later episodes, I wanted to share them today.
On 1 October 2025 I launched a YouTube Shorts series, 31 Days of Halloween. The concept is simple: one, one-minute (or shorter) Halloween/horror movie review every day for the month of October. These reviews are super lo-fi—just yours portly recording on a phone, sitting at a desk. No frills, no fancy editing, just me giving my impressions of the films in an unscripted, fast way.
A quick note: most of the links below are Amazon Affiliate links, typically linking to the movie on DVD or Blu-Ray, as well as the books they’re based upon (or the novelizations of the films). I receive a portion of any purchases made through those links, at no additional cost to you.
Day 23 is the 1922 German Expressionist silent film classic Nosferatu.
Grab it on Blu-Ray here: https://amzn.to/4oaPdlG
Or DVD here: https://amzn.to/4o1Et8P
Day 24 is Werner Herzog’s adaptation of Nosferatu (1922), Nosferatu the Vampyre (1979).
Grab it on 4K here: https://amzn.to/4owQsLF
Or DVD here: https://amzn.to/4hvMBME
Day 25 is Robert Eggers’s adaptation of Nosferatu (1922), Nosferatu (2024).
Grab it on 4K here: https://amzn.to/47drBqx
Or Blu-ray here: https://amzn.to/3Wekckm
Or DVD here: https://amzn.to/3WekcAS
Day 26 returns to another silent film classic with 1925’s The Phantom of the Opera.
Grab it on Blu-ray here: https://amzn.to/47Hoh63
Or DVD here: https://amzn.to/4o4WGCF
Or get the novel here: https://amzn.to/3J8f5PN
Day 27 looks at a film on the border between horror and thriller, Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho (1960).
Grab it on Blu-ray here: https://amzn.to/42TXr97
Or DVD here: https://amzn.to/3Jo6R63
Or get the novel here: https://amzn.to/47oiuC1
Day 28 is a personal favorite, Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954).
Grab it on 4K & Blu-ray here: https://amzn.to/4hup92o
Day 29 is the most unusual of the Halloween films, 1982’s Halloween III: Season of the Witch.
Grab it on 4K here: https://amzn.to/472YMgi
Or Blu-ray here: https://amzn.to/3WmPEwO
Or DVD here: https://amzn.to/3J0TvN7
Day 30 is the John Carpenter slashic Halloween (1978)!
Grab it on 4K here: https://amzn.to/4oxycBC
Day 31 is one of my favorite films, John Carpenter’s The Thing (1982).
Grab it on 4K here: https://amzn.to/4ntEaCB
Or Blu-ray here: https://amzn.to/3WL3SrH
Or DVD here: https://amzn.to/47bthkd
Thanks for watching 31 Days of Halloween! 🎃🎃🎃
Re-watch the entire series here:
Happy Friday! Until next Halloween!
—TPP
On 1 October 2025 I launched a YouTube Shorts series, 31 Days of Halloween. The concept is simple: one, one-minute (or shorter) Halloween/horror movie review every day for the month of October. These reviews are super lo-fi—just yours portly recording on a phone, sitting at a desk. No frills, no fancy editing, just me giving my impressions of the films in an unscripted, fast way.
In case you’ve missed any installments, I’m featuring the several days of reviews. If you want to catchup on Days 10-16, check out last week’s YouTube Roundup.
A quick note: most of the links below are Amazon Affiliate links, typically linking to the movie on DVD or Blu-Ray, as well as the books they’re based upon (or the novelizations of the films). I receive a portion of any purchases made through those links, at no additional cost to you.
On 1 October 2025 I launched a YouTube Shorts series, 31 Days of Halloween. The concept is simple: one, one-minute (or shorter) Halloween/horror movie review every day for the month of October. These reviews are super lo-fi—just yours portly recording on a phone, sitting at a desk. No frills, no fancy editing, just me giving my impressions of the films in an unscripted, fast way.
In case you’ve missed any installments, I’m featuring the several days of reviews. If you want to catchup on Days 1-9, check out last week’s YouTube Roundup.
A quick note: most of the links below are Amazon Affiliate links, typically linking to the movie on DVD or Blu-Ray, as well as the books they’re based upon (or the novelizations of the films). I receive a portion of any purchases made through those links, at no additional cost to you.
On 1 October 2025 I launched a YouTube Shorts series, 31 Days of Halloween. The concept is simple: one, one-minute (or shorter) Halloween/horror movie review every day for the month of October. These reviews are super lo-fi—just yours portly recording on a phone, sitting at a desk. No frills, no fancy editing, just me giving my impressions of the films in an unscripted, fast way.
In case you’ve missed any installments, I’m featuring the first few episodes today!
A quick note: most of the links below are Amazon Affiliate links, typically linking to the movie on DVD or Blu-Ray, as well as the books they’re based upon (or the novelizations of the films). I receive a portion of any purchases made through those links, at no additional cost to you.
Day 1 is the 1983 classic Something Wicked This Way Comes, the adaptation of the classic Ray Bradbury novel.
Grab it on DVD here: https://amzn.to/42dfK8Y
Or get the book: https://amzn.to/4nuKBq4
For the first time in awhile, I have a proper, full-sized Phone it in Friday with three videos. It helps that I’ve been recording myself playing hymns a lot more.
Here are three recent videos of yours portly playing hymns; each is played on my maternal grandmother’s Kimball piano, which I had moved to the house this summer:
Yours portly, much like Michael Douglas, struggles with impatience when sitting in traffic, especially construction traffic when there appears to be no construction work taking place.
The South Carolina Department of Transportation has been resurfacing a portion of the highway that I take to get to work every day for over a month. That is fine—I like the smooth roadway. What is not fine is that they have been starting work during morning rush hour.
Indeed, they started the road work the first week that public schools returned to classes—right in front of the elementary school in Lamar! They continued making similarly boneheaded decisions like that throughout August. The first day I reported for teacher workdays, they were doing heavy construction at a busy four-way intersection that is the main thoroughfare for people coming and leaving town.
Last week, I sat for thirty minutes waiting for a worker to turn the sign around to “Slow” so we could get through. I should have been to work five minutes early; instead I was twenty-five minutes late. I was so frustrated, I began shouting at workers—dozens of whom were sitting on equipment gawking at their phones—to “get off your phones and get to work!”
That wasn’t very Christ-like of me, and I have repented for that, but it put me in a bad mood for the rest of the day. Fortunately, I did not have class first period that day, so I was okay; it just irked me to no end.
I was so livid, in fact, that I called my State Senator and left a message. I never have received a call back, but in my message, I begged him to talk to SCDOT to consider starting their work after morning rush hour—at 8:30 AM instead of 7:30 AM.
I also took a short video of the lazy sign worker ogling his cellphone:
Pick up my newest releases, Electrock III: Euroclydon and Säx, for 50% with promo code storm (promo code is good for any release and works through 1 October 2025).
I’ve always had a fondness for robots—the kinds like R2-D2 who help you navigate your starfighter and serve you drinks aboard your pleasure barge, not the kinds that “create” “art” and YouTube thumbnails. I feel a bit cheated that we aren’t living in a world with lunar colonies and humanoid droids making snarky remarks.
Well, this world will have to do. In the meantime, here are some robot-related posts from the past:
What kinds of robots do you want to see in our glorious future? Let me know in the comments!
Happy Sunday!
—TPP
Other Lazy Sunday Installments:
The Portly Politico 