Monday Morning Movie Review: Christine (1983)

10 March 20258 March 2025 The Portly Politico5 Comments

Amid an exceptionally grueling week—and this week will be no different—I somehow managed to watch 1983’s Christine, the John Carpenter-directed film adaptation of Stephen King’s novel. The movie is about a 1958 Plymouth Fury with a bad attitude and a malignant influence on her owners. The flick is also a reflection of Stephen King’s obsession with 1950s teen culture. Indeed, Christine “speaks” through the medium of 1950s rock ‘n’ roll, much in the same way that Bumblebee from Transformers (2007).

Monday Morning Movie Review: In the Mouth of Madness (1994)

26 August 202424 August 2024 The Portly Politico11 Comments

Regular readers will know that I love John Carpenter films. Indeed, two Carpenter films featured in the Top 3 of my favorite movies of all time—Big Trouble in Little China (1986) and The Thing (1982). I’ll watch pretty much anything Carpenter directs. He has such a distinct visual style, his films are instantly recognizable.

One Carpenter film I’ve always struggled with, though, is 1994’s In the Mouth of Madness. I’ve probably watched this film three times—it’s a perennial offering on Shudder—and each time I love the aesthetics of it, and the iconic lines—“Do you read Sutter Cane?”—but I’m never quite sure what to make of it.

Phone it in Friday XLIII: Ray Nelson’s “Eight O’Clock in the Morning”

29 September 202323 September 2023 The Portly PoliticoLeave a comment

In revisiting my 2019 review of 1988’s They Live, I looked into the short story that served as the source material for John Carpenter‘s iconic film: Ray Nelson’s “Eight O’Clock in the Morning.” The story is only six pages long, but it’s an excellent example of early 1960s science fiction.

Memorable Monday Morning Movie Review: They Live (1988)

25 September 202323 September 2023 The Portly Politico1 Comment

Longtime readers know that I love John Carpenter‘s films. Weird, funny, thought-provoking, action-packed, scary—they all have a certain “quality” that is quintessentially, uniquely Carpenter-esque.

So when my local cinema screened 1988’s They Live a couple of weekends ago, I naturally had to go.

I wrote an entire piece about They Live, entitled “They Live : Analysis and Review” back in 2019. I rereading my original review, I find that I agree with most of my original summary and assessment, but I think my analysis was colored too heavily by the derring-do of the Trump Administration.

In viewing the film again, I’d still argue that it makes a compelling point about our worship of Efficiency and her consort, Productivity, at the expense of everything else (like God, family, friends, community, art, etc.). Our elites will sacrifice everything to keep GDP growing, even if it means grinding us into a spiritually empty enslavement to mindless jobs and mindless entertainment—drudges in a machine that only wants to keep us mollified until the next deadening shift at the salt mines.

With that, here is 20 May 2019’s “They Live: Analysis and Review“:

Monday Morning Movie Review: The Fog (1980)

24 April 202323 April 2023 The Portly Politico21 Comments

Regular readers will know I am a big fan of John Carpenter. He is, perhaps, my favorite director, and one of my favorite film composers and musicians as well. Big Trouble in Little China (1986) was my #2 pick for the best flick ever, and would have likely been #1 if I weren’t had I not been trying to troll Ponty. My #3 pick was 1982’s The Thing, which is actually better than Big Trouble objectively, although that’s the definition of comparing whiskey to wantons.

Naturally, readers would be correct in thinking that my assessment of his 1980 release The Fog would be similarly rosy (and rose-tinted, perhaps). While I don’t think it’s a masterpiece like the other two films—not the lightning-in-a-bottle amalgam of genres that make Big Trouble more than the sum of its parts, nor the nihilistic and terrifying, claustrophobic experience of The Thing—it is quite good. It’s not particularly scary for a horror film, but it is quintessential Carpenter.

Lazy Sunday CXC: Portly’s Best Films, Part III

19 February 202313 February 2023 The Portly Politico2 Comments

Our lists of the best films are nearly done! It’s a project months in the making, and Ponty and I both have honorable mention posts to get through before revealing our #1 picks, but we’re tantalizing close! Indeed, Ponty has promised (or threatened, depending on one’s perspective) two or even three honorable mention posts, so we could be at this list-making business for another month or so. Gulp!

Regardless, I’ve finished my list through my #2 pick, so here are my higher-ups, filling in slots 4, 3, and 2:

“Monday Morning Movie Review: Portly’s Top Ten Best Films: #4: The Cable Guy (1996)” – Perhaps my most controversial pick, I stand by 1996’s The Cable Guy. It’s a smartly-written comedy with dozens of memorable moments and one-liners, and retains some of the raunchy charm of mid-1990s Jim Carrey in a darker package.
“Monday Morning Movie Review: Portly’s Top Ten Best Films: #3: The Thing (1982)” – Never count out a remake when John Carpenter at the helm. 1982’s The Thing is a movie unto itself, a remake-in-name-only. That’s my kind of RINO.
“Monday Morning Movie Review: Portly’s Top Ten Best Films: #2: Big Trouble in Little China (1986)” – The Thing might be better than Big Trouble in Little China (1996), but as far as I’m concerned, Big Trouble is one of the best. A fun, mystical, magical romp through an increasingly bizarre Chinatown—and with Kurt Russell!

#1 picks are coming soon… ish. Stay tuned!

Happy Sunday!

—TPP

Other Lazy Sunday Installments:

Monday Morning Movie Review: Portly’s Top Ten Best Films: #2: Big Trouble in Little China (1986)

13 February 20237 February 2023 The Portly Politico10 Comments

My Number 2 pick is going to come as a surprise to Ponty, at the very least; it’s certainly a bit of a surprise to me. It’s not because I don’t love this film—indeed, it may be my favorite film of all time—but because it’s not firmly at Number 1.

My original intent was to place John Carpenter‘s lightning-in-a-bottle classic Big Trouble in Little China (1996) in the top spot, but I realized there is a film that is objectively better (probably many such films exist, but the one I have in mind is, perhaps, the greatest film ever made, and not just because a chubby Internet personality says so).

I’m also thankful that we’ll be both be posting “Hono[u]rable Mention” (HM) pieces before we reveal our Number 1s. I am realizing that I missed quite a few classics—Ghostbusters (1984) and Blade Runner (1982), for example—and I am increasingly regretting placing Krull (1983) on the list, even at Number 7. I think it’s a great movie, but in hindsight, it should have been an HM pick.

But enough whinging. There’ll be plenty of time for that on the HM post. What about the second greatest film of all time?

Well, as that gigantic balloon reminded us, “China is here, Mr. Burton.”

Monday Morning Movie Review: Portly’s Top Ten Best Films: #3: The Thing (1982)

30 January 202329 January 2023 The Portly Politico20 Comments

As we get into the final three of our picks, I find myself thankful that Ponty and I are doing an “Hono[u]rable Mentions” post, because this point is where it gets hard. How do you pick the best three films? Ten is hard enough, but there’s some margin for error.

That said, I know my #2 and #1 picks. But #3 was giving me a time, until Ponty mentioned this film in one of his comments.

John Carpenter is my favorite director, up there with Stanley Kubrick, Wes Anderson, and similar directors. These are the guys that have a distinct style, even when making films in vastly different genres. That uniqueness of directorial tone seems to be fading in Hollywood, in favor of homogenized, corporatized sameness. That’s not an entirely fair assessment, but I have a sense that the phenomenon of the “director-as-artist” is fading.

What sets Carpenter apart for me is not just his uniqueness; his movies are fun. They’re not dumb fun, either (for the most part)—his shots are deliberate, and make sense for whatever scene he is shooting. He is a strong visual storyteller, in addition to being a great composer and musician. There’s a reason his films will appear twice in my top three.

This picture is arguably his best, but for personal and sentimental reasons I’m putting another of his films higher. That said, Carpenter’s 1982 remake of The Thing is a masterpiece of tension, horror, and suspense.

Monday Morning Movie Review: Ponty’s Top Ten Best Films: #8: Halloween (1978)

10 October 20222 October 2022 The Portly Politico36 Comments

Just in time for the Halloween season, Ponty pulls out one of the all-time classics from perhaps my favorite director. You can’t have Halloween without Halloween (1978).

I particularly love how Ponty opens his review discussing the impact of music in film. Horror soundtracks now seem to be riddled with clichés, like sustained dissonant chords and screechy violin glissandos. But John Carpenter and others were composing actual music that sounded creepy without resorting to silly gimmicks. What kid doesn’t sit down at the piano this time of year and try to pick out that theme?

Well, I won’t give much more away; it’s an excellent, lovingly-crafted review.

With that, here is Ponty’s review of 1978’s Halloween:

SubscribeStar Saturday: John Carpenter

16 July 202214 July 2022 The Portly Politico2 Comments

Today’s post is a SubscribeStar Saturday exclusive. To read the full post, subscribe to my SubscribeStar page for $1 a month or more.

The good folks at Shudder made the very wise decision to upload a bunch of John Carpenter films within the past couple of weeks, including Escape from New York (1981), The Thing (1982), Prince of Darkness (1987), and They Live (1988), the last of which I reviewed way back in the day, before I was writing movie reviews regularly. Naturally, that’s meant a John Carpenter film festival at the Casa de Portly.

I’m not sure I have a favorite director—like most people, I just know what movies I like, regardless of who directs them—but if I had to pick, it would probably be John Carpenter. I haven’t come close to seeing all of his films, but I know I like the ones I’ve seen—a lot. The Thing might just be the best horror film ever made. Big Trouble in Little China (1986) might be my favorite movie ever.

As such, I’d like to take this edition of SubscribeStar Saturday to celebrate the music and films and John Carpenter.

To read the rest of this post, subscribe to my SubscribeStar page for $1 a month or more.

The Portly Politico

One Southerner's unique, erudite, conservative perspective in a hectic world

Tag: John Carpenter