Ponty Pans: Halloween Kills (2021)

18 November 20226 November 2022 The Portly Politico25 Comments

Halloween might be over—noooooooo!—but the Halloween film franchise will never die—or End, as the latest installment claims. If you’re like Ponty and myself, you try to watch at least the 1978 John Carpenter classic at least once a year, preferably on Halloween.

Unlike Ponty, I haven’t seen the plethora of sequels, besides—of course—Halloween II (1981) and the unusual Halloween III: Season of the Witch. I’ve also seen the “soft reboots” since 2018, thought I haven’t seen Halloween Ends (2022) yet.

As Ponty points, I, like many others, will. I’ll also see Halloween Ends Again or whatever comes out next. Heck, I’ll probably see Halloween Ends Again III: Season of the Witch: The Musical, with an original score by Andrew Lloyd Webber, including that annoying Silver Shamrock jingle. These franchises know how to hook in suckers like yours portly, who will never hesitate to drop a $1.25 RedBox coupon to sample some tasty trash.

But I digress. Ponty asked to take a stab—no pun intended—at reviewing 2021’s Halloween Kills, a film I reviewed last November. Ponty assiduously avoided my review, so it’s interesting (though not entirely surprising) that we walked away with some similar reflections on the film. “Evil dies tonight!”—ugh. How could anyone miss that braying mantra?

Regardless, Ponty’s review goes far deeper than my own, delivered with his own brand of acerbic and longsuffering wit.

On a lighter note, he also includes some pictures from his and Tina’s Halloween festivities. Well done on the decorations, Tina!

With that, here is Ponty’s review of 2021’s Halloween Kills:

Monday Morning Movie Review: Ponty’s Top Ten Best Films: #6: Arsenic and Old Lace (1944)

14 November 20227 November 2022 The Portly Politico11 Comments

Ponty’s list of flicks has been full of pleasant surprises, and his #6 pick is no exception. I wasn’t expecting a dark comedy from 1944—a “farce,” as Ponty calls it.

Like his review—surprisingly succinct coming from our loquacious Ponty—I don’t have much to add. Let’s just say I’ve always wanted to see this film, and thanks to Ponty, I can finally do that—he includes a link to the full flick on YouTube. You can, too, and I encourage you to do so.

It also gets bonus points in my book because Boris Karloff was in the stage version, and would have been in the film if the producers hadn’t been worried about stripping the stage production of its entire leading cast. Sorry, Boris—you deserved better!

With that, here is Ponty’s review of 1944’s Arsenic and Old Lace:

Monday Morning Movie Review: Portly’s Top Ten Best Films: #6: Goodfellas (1990)

7 November 20226 November 2022 The Portly Politico16 Comments

After taking last week off from movie reviews to celebrate Halloween, I’m back with my #6 pick for the best movies of all time.

Unfortunately, I’m struggling with some manner of fever-cum-sinus infection (probably not The Virus, but who even knows anymore), and after an unusual week, I fell behind on my rigorous pre-scheduling of posts. As such, this review of a truly fantastic film may be a tad shorter than usual. I doubt it will reach Pontian lengths, to say the least.

That said, I’m excited to write about this flick, even as I’m over here hacking up a lung. It’s a movie that combines two of my favorite topics—mid-twentieth-century social history and gangsters—into one thrilling package.

I’m referring, of course, to Martin Scorsese’s 1990 masterpiece Goodfellas.

Myersvision: The Final Table

28 October 202222 October 2022 The Portly Politico25 Comments

Sometime last week Audre Myers, a regular contributor of movie reviews and delightful miscellany to this site, sent me an e-mail asking if she could submit reviews of entire series of shows, not just movies. Audre actually did just that some time ago when she submitted a review of a season of Stranger Things, which I highly recommend you read.

Regardless, I of course told her yes—enthusiastically! I have a pretty open submission policy here, and I’d let an author as seasoned as Audre write about paint drying (she could probably make it entertaining!). Naturally, a Netflix series fits the bill.

Thus, I’m dubbing Audre’s Netflix/television reviews “Myersvision,” since I have a mania for turning everything into a series. Whenever Audre sends these along, I’ll schedule them under that title.

For the first installment, we have a review of a cooking show featuring the best of the best—not just self-promoting nuisances like on Chopped from Food Network (although they make some pretty awesome stuff on that show, too, there’s just usually one or two contestants who are ostentatiously self-confident and, therefore, annoying). I think readers will appreciate the twist to this show’s grand prize.

With that, here is Audre’s review of the Netflix series The Final Table:

Midweek Myers Movie Review: Signs (2002)

26 October 202226 October 2022 The Portly Politico10 Comments

Ah, the early 2000s. A chubby young Portly was still sweating his way through high school (and, from 2003-2006, college); America’s love affair with patriotism was in full swing; and M. Night Shyamalan was bringing The Twilight Zone-style stories to the big screen.

M. Night could do know wrong in those days. He’d scored a major success with The Sixth Sense (1999), the film that spawned the instantly iconic line “I see dead people.” Then his twists became progressively more schlocky and insulting, starting with The Village (2004). For many years, he was, like the intro to the television show that inspired his stories, spiraling, before mounting a comeback in the last decade.

But he was enjoying his salad days in the early aughts, and this week’s film is an example of Shyamalan during his early peak. I remember seeing this flick at the movie theater in the mall in Indianapolis, Indiana, on a church music trip, and found it quite enjoyable as the chubby, sweaty young man referenced in the opening paragraph of this introduction.

Well, enough of my puffing. Here is Audre Myers‘s review of 2002’s Signs:

Monday Morning Movie Review: Ponty’s Top Ten Best Films: #7: La La Land (2016)

24 October 202221 October 2022 The Portly Politico7 Comments

If readers thought my placement of 1983’s sci-fi/fantasy/swashbuckler Krull at #7 was shocking, this week’s #7 pick from Ponty will truly blow your staggered minds. From the man who just wrote about Halloween (1978), I’d never expect a splashy musical.

I remember seeing this flick back in 2016 on a date, and remember enjoying it (not just due to the excellent execution and story, but probably thanks to Emma Stone—shew!). Suddenly, my students wanted to play “City of Stars” all the time, and jazz piano enjoyed an all-too-brief resurgence.

Ponty gives it a very thorough review, as you’ll see, that really brings out some of the sparkling details of the film without spoiling anything. It probably also holds the distinction of being the only review of a film musical to reference Grand Theft Auto 5, so that should be worth something.

With that, here is Ponty’s review of 2016’s La La Land:

Monday Morning Movie Review: Portly’s Top Ten Best Films: #7: Krull (1983)

17 October 202214 October 2022 The Portly Politico8 Comments

While we’re still outside of the Top Five—where the rubber really hits the road, and the picks have to correspond to actual, objective quality, and not just the passing whims of two amateur film reviewers—I’ve got to squeeze in another personal favorite. To say this week’s pick is one of the “best” films is, perhaps, a stretch.

Really, no “perhaps” about it—it was a box office bomb and, while it has attained a certain cult status, it has not risen to the heights of many films with that dubious distinction. Many “cult classics” are viewed overly fondly, as if to counteract the overly negative reviews at the time of the film’s release. My #7 pick has enjoyed a bit of an improved reputation since its release, but its reviews are still mixed.

But for me, it’s a great film—a bit of swashbuckling, sci-fi/fantasy fun that bends and blends genres like a wet noodle in a food processor: somehow, the finished product comes out tasting pretty good, even if it doesn’t make any sense.

Should 1983’s adventure Krull go on my honorable mentions post? Probably. Am I placing it higher on my list than the (objectively better) films behind it? You bet.

Lazy Sunday CLXVII: More Movies, Part XXXI: Midweek Myers Movie Reviews, Part II

16 October 202211 October 2022 The Portly Politico1 Comment

When putting together this weekend’s edition of Lazy Sunday, I thought that surely my longtime reader, contributor, and Internet friend (eFriend, perhaps?) Audre Myers had submitted more than these remaining two Midweek Myers Movie Reviews. I’m sure she has submitted film reviews prior to the institution of this semi-regular, roughly-twice-monthly feature, but I’m too lazy to go scouring my vast archives for them (it is Lazy Sunday, after all).

But these are two pretty good ones, and while I usually like to feature posts in triplets for LS, I figured—as my beloved Meat Loaf, my God Rest His Soul, once sang—two out of three ain’t bad:

“Midweek Myers Movie Review: Finding Neverland (2004)” – According to Audre, “Finding Neverland is the story of how J. M. Barrie came to write his best known play, Peter Pan.” High Britishness, indeed, albeit with Johnny Depp in the main role.
“Midweek Myers Movie Review: Hidden Figures (2016)” – Audre offers up a review of a movie that, while not necessarily historically accurate (NASA was fairly progressive on race even in the 1950s), at least sounds entertaining. You’ll also learn that a “computer” is not just a beige machine to which we chain ourselves for eight hours a day.

Thanks again to sweet Audre for all of her contributions. Here’s to more movie reviews to come!

Happy Sunday!

—TPP

Other Lazy Sunday Installments:

Midweek Myers Movie Review: Hidden Figures (2016)

12 October 202225 September 2022 The Portly Politico26 Comments

We’re back with another movie review from Audre Myers, who is tossing in reviews of her favorite flicks whenever the mood strikes (or whenever I e-mail her asking her to contribute something).

She offers up her review of the 2016 film Hidden Figures, about three black women “computers” working for NASA. It was a darling of the critics for its frank depiction of segregation.

Unfortunately, some its iconic scenes—like the lady having to walk half-a-mile to use a segregated bathroom—are Hollywood hogwash. The segregated facilities were abolished in 1958—three years before the films setting—and while there were segregated restrooms in one part of NASA’s facilities prior to that year, they were unlabeled. Katherine Johnson, one of the titular “hidden figures,” unwittingly used the whites only bathroom for years, and ignored the one complaint that was ever issued without any further escalation.

These inaccuracies—perhaps dramatic artistic license?—don’t mean segregation wasn’t real—it certainly was—but it seems that NASA was not exactly the hotbed of segregationist sentiment that the film depicts. That makes sense—an organization reaching for the stars probably isn’t all that concerned about such earthbound issues as skin pigmentation. Besides, there are plenty of alien species we can discriminate against in the distant future.

With that, here is Audre Myers’s review of 2016’s Hidden Figures:

Monday Morning Movie Review: Ponty’s Top Ten Best Films: #8: Halloween (1978)

10 October 20222 October 2022 The Portly Politico36 Comments

Just in time for the Halloween season, Ponty pulls out one of the all-time classics from perhaps my favorite director. You can’t have Halloween without Halloween (1978).

I particularly love how Ponty opens his review discussing the impact of music in film. Horror soundtracks now seem to be riddled with clichés, like sustained dissonant chords and screechy violin glissandos. But John Carpenter and others were composing actual music that sounded creepy without resorting to silly gimmicks. What kid doesn’t sit down at the piano this time of year and try to pick out that theme?

Well, I won’t give much more away; it’s an excellent, lovingly-crafted review.

With that, here is Ponty’s review of 1978’s Halloween:

The Portly Politico

One Southerner's unique, erudite, conservative perspective in a hectic world

Tag: movies