Lazy Sunday CLV: More Movies, Part XX: Movie Reviews, Part XX

This weekend marks the 155th edition of Lazy Sunday and the twentieth of looking back at movie reviews.  What’s also fun is that the first and third reviews this weekend are both from the pen of Ponty, with whom I am currently trading reviews of the worst movies of all time.

That’s it for this Sunday’s Ponty sandwich.  Enjoy!

Happy Sunday!

—TPP

Other Lazy Sunday Installments:

Monday Morning Movie Review: Ponty’s Top Ten Worst Films: #3: Titanic (1997)

We’re finally in the top three, and Ponty is in peak vitriolic form with this one.  I can’t imagine how badly his second and first picks will be burnt after seeing this thorough roasting.

I was in middle school when 1997’s Titanic released into theaters.  It was all the girls talked about for months, including how many times they went to go see this film (a tad disconcerting, considering these were twelve-year olds).  I never saw it, and have only seen snippets and chunks on television since then (to my knowledge, I’ve never watched the entire film, at least not in a single sitting).

This film was so huge—such a phenomenon—that I still remember my older brother proclaiming he would not go see it, just so he could say he hadn’t.  He wasn’t always the wisest seventeen-year old, but he apparently had some foresight about this one (he’s a tenured professor now).

I won’t say more.  Ponty rips into this film like that iceberg into the doomed ship.  I’m not sure which is more devastating:

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Monday Morning Movie Review: Ponty’s Top Ten Worst Films: #4: House on Cemetery Hill (2019)

You can tell we’re really getting into the dregs; Ponty’s review this week is devastating.

As he notes below, it’s no fun going after an indie flick with a low budget.  But there are plenty of low budget filmmakers that get it right, or at least grow as they hone their craft.  Every major director started out doing tiny films on a shoestring.

But sometimes there’s an effort so bad, even the lack of a budget isn’t a valid excuse.  Bad writing, bad acting, bad editing—these can kill a film faster than anything else.  All the quid in the world can’t save a film with this dark triad.

With that, here is Ponty’s review of 2019’s House on Cemetery Hill:

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Monday Morning Movie Review: Ponty’s Top Ten Worst Films: #5: Jungle Cruise (2021)

We’re cruising right along into the second half of the long countdown of worst films.  The ball is back in Ponty’s court, and he’s picked a real doozy to mark the halfway point.

Is there anything wokery hasn’t poisoned with its foolishness?  Apparently, Ponty’s pick for , 2021’s Jungle Cruise, suggests not.  A movie based on a theme park ride worked before for Disney, but that was a bit of a fluke; taking an even more obscure ride, then adding in loads of anachronistic presentism, was hoping for too much, even for The Mouse.

One of our regular readers and commenters, Alys Williams, is always wanting me to review flicks with bonnets and Biedermeier, but even those films are jumping on the identity bandwagon.  I have no problem with black people in movies—I mean, who doesn’t love Blade (1998)?—but a black English queen is too much.  Why?  Because it’s not historically accurate!

Sure, historical fiction can embellish some details here and there, but we’re really straining suspension of disbelief when a Nigerian portrays a Viking.  Imagine casting Chris Hemsworth as an African Pygmy—he’d stick out like a sore giant.

But I digress.  On with Ponty’s hilarious review of 2021’s Jungle Cruise:

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Monday Morning Movie Review: Ponty’s Top Ten Worst Films: #6: Elf (2003)

We’re back with another of Ponty’s picks for the worst films of all time.  As always, Ponty delivers an interesting choice, this time for :  the Christmas film Elf (2003).

Elf is one of those movies I’ve never seen in its entirety, but I know about all-too-well.  It seems that every girl I’ve ever met loves this movie, but not just with some yuletide enthusiasm; they act like it’s the greatest Christmas film ever made.

I don’t know why that is.  Is it because women are incredibly social creatures, and bandwagon about everything remotely popular?  Is it because of the story about a son meeting his deadbeat dad and falling in love with a hipster?  Or is it just harmlessly funny, the kind of non-edgy humor women tend to prefer?

Whatever the reason, it makes me dislike the movie more, perhaps channeling the contrarian curmudgeon inside of me.

Needless to say, I’m with Ponty 100% on this one.

With that, here is Ponty’s review of 2003’s Elf:

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Lazy Sunday CXLVI: Friends, Part IX

It’s been fun going back through the old Supporting Friends Friday posts (well, for me, at least; it seems to be a bit of a dud with readers, but Sunday is always a slow day for traffic), but I’m particularly excited for this weekend’s ninth (!) retrospective.  It includes three of my favorite Internet friends, all on one compact disc:

Cheers to these good friends.

Happy Sunday!

—TPP

Other Lazy Sunday Installments:

Guest Contributor: 39 Pontiac Dream on Traveller’s Tales

As an early Christmas gift, we have a contribution from regular reader and occasional contributor 39 Pontiac Dream.  Ponty typically contributes photographs (see here, here, and here), but he’s also quite an accomplished writer in his own right.  He contributes posts to the English blog The Conservative Woman, a favorite among my readers.

That said, TWC hasn’t always been eager to print Ponty’s video game-related writing.  Their high-brow editorial and submission standards are The Portly Politico‘s gain:  now we get to read Ponty’s writing on video games here!

I’m also excited to have more guest contributors.  We’ve heard from photog in the past, as well as newcomer Son of Sonnet (read his Gemini Sonnets here, here, here, and here).  Now we have good ol’ Ponty pitching in.

As the blog evolves and its audience grows, I am hoping to host more guest contributors.  The pace of daily blogging has been difficult the past few months with work and other commitments, so having some other writers share the load certainly helps.

And, of course, I’d love to be able to compensate these writers (though Ponty has told me several times that getting published is enough for him).  Your subscriptions to my SubscribeStar page have made some minimal patronage possible; please consider a subscription or donation to keep things going and growing!

Regardless, Ponty has written a very detailed mini-history-cum-review of British game developer Traveller’s Tales, which has published a number of LEGO games.  Ponty and his wife are avid gamers, and Ponty seems to have a soft spot for these games.

I have not made any major changes to Ponty’s submitted text, other than adding an apostrophe to “Traveller’s.”  I’ve even preserved the charming “u” in “favourite,” to make sure the piece preserves its distinctly British flavo(u)r.

But enough of my yakkin’.  Here’s Ponty:

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English Sunrise

My good online friend and photographic contributor 39 Pontiac Dreamer has sent in some lovely pictures of an English sunrise.  To my discredit, he e-mailed me these photographs two months ago, and I am only now finding the time to post them, after repeated apologies, delays, equivocations, and plain excuses.

It’s been so long now, it escapes me what the genesis of these pictures were.  I believe Ponty and I were carrying on a conversation in the comment section of a post about rising early in the morning, and that it’s the best time to get work done.

Regardless, here are some gorgeous photographs of a hazy English morning, just as the mighty sun peeks itself over the horizon:

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Halloween in England

Good ol’ 39 Pontiac Dreamer, one of my regular readers, is as big a fan of Halloween as I am.  To that end, he e-mailed me a TON of Halloween pictures over the weekend, including his and his wife’s Jack O’Lanterns.  He says hers is the more elaborate one, while he goes for a simpler, more classic approach (like me).

Per Ponty:

We had a few trick or treaters over the evening but, thankfully, not at a crucial point in any of our films…. The films in the pictures by the way are Ringu and the Romero classic Dawn of the Dead.

Ponty also sent me some excellent photographs of an English sunrise—in September!  I’ve been so slammed, I keep forgetting to upload them.  Look for those next Tuesday.

For now, here are the pictures of Ponty’s British Halloween:

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TBT^2: The Joy of Autumn

Well, the first day of autumn was yesterday, although my Middle School Music students came into class Tuesday saying that their Geography teacher told them 21 September, rather than 22 September, was the first day of this glorious holiday.

I have little idea when the seasons calendrically begin, other than it’s always in the low-twenties of the month:  Spring in March, Summer in June, Autumn in September, and Winter in December.  As I’ve noted before on this site, in South Carolina it’s all pretty much one big season—summer—with some intermittent sprinklings of the actual season throughout the year.  That can even mean a cold front in the summer (Thy Will Be Done) or an unseasonably warm “Indian Summer” in mid-January.  I’ve sweated on New Year’s Day and Thanksgiving many times, and it’s always muggy on Halloween.

But I digress.  The discussion about when autumn really begins (some Bing!ing revealed it is 22 September this year, not 21 September) led to an impromptu crash course in songwriting.  We began listing all of the qualities of the fall, and the qualities of the then-soon-to-be-departing summer.  The students then crafted those into verses (about all the fun summertime stuff that was disappearing), with the chorus being all about how great the autumn is:  pumpkins, scarecrows, falling leaves, etc.

The kids ate it up.  I made up some cheesy crooner melody to go with it as a placeholder, but a precocious seventh grader began experimenting with an unusual C-Db-Eb chord sequence, which completely changed the melody.  I broke the students into groups to begin writing new verses, and another student took it upon herself to compile the lyrics into a master Google Doc.  Another student—a visual artist trapped in Music class—supplied the artwork for our soon-to-be-hit single, featuring a scarecrow and some other creature dancing around a flaming pumpkin (it’s pretty awesome).  Our little scribe-compiler mentioned that we needed a bridge, so we’ll have to get hopping on that.

It was completely unplanned—one student even suggested, snarkily, that I hadn’t planned a lesson that day, so I created this one out of thin air.  It’s only half true:  I did have a lesson planned—we were going to write, clap, and count rhythm lines—but the discussion of autumn sparked the idea for a much more engaging lesson about writing songs (which is, essentially, writing poetry, but better—there’s music attached!).

Anyway, here’s to autumnal weather to come—and good, middle school-penned songs to go with it.

With that, here is “TBT: The Joy of Autumn” (thanks to Pontiac Dreamer for today’s picture!):

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