Monday Morning Movie Review: Portly’s Top Ten Best Films: #9: Uncle Buck (1989)

This week’s film is going in my slot, but I think it deserves to be much higher.  I’ve been busy, though, and have not painstakingly plotted out my top ten, as I’m sure Ponty has done.  Instead, I’m going week-by-week with my favorites, including those that are top-of-mind for me.

That said, I love this film, and once this list is finished, I might have to edit the order to the “real” one.

Regardless, it’s my distinct pleasure to review one of the best family comedies ever written, John Hughes’s incomparable Uncle Buck (1989):

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Lazy Sunday CLXIII: More Movies, Part XXVII: Ponty’s Worst Films, Part III

We’re nearing the end of this long retrospective of mine and Ponty’s lists of the ten worst films, and back to Ponty this week.  His excoriation of Elf (2003) nearly landed me in hot water with my girlfriend’s family, who thought I wrote the review!  Here is what I did write about Elf:

Elf is one of those movies I’ve never seen in its entirety, but I know about all-too-well [sic].  It seems that every girl I’ve ever met loves this movie, but not just with some yuletide enthusiasm; they act like it’s the greatest Christmas film ever made.

Well, it turns out I was right; my girlfriend, her sisters, and her mom were none-too-pleased (is “none-too-pleased” another [sic]-able abuse of hyphens?)!  They acted as though I’d blasphemed Jesus (or that Ponty did).

Well, blogging is all about churning up some controversy, right?  I imagine they’d be a bit more amenable to Ponty’s next three picks (although Titanic might bring about more howls of female outrage—I’ll report back in a week, if I’m still alive after they read this preamble!):

We’ll look at my -#2 picks next Sunday, then close out with our picks in the final Lazy Sunday post in the series.

Stay tuned—and Happy Sunday!

—TPP

Other Lazy Sunday Installments:

Monday Morning Movie Review: Ponty’s Top Ten Best Films: #10: A Quiet Place (2018)

The Top Ten Best Films list now jumps over to Ponty, who I believe is enjoying a much-deserved holiday this week (although that was possibly last week).  Here’s hoping he’s enjoying some peace and quiet.

Speaking of quiet, Ponty’s first pick for his list is a film that explores a terrifying world in which staying quiet is the only way to stay alive.  If only students were similarly terrified into shivering silence.  Oh, well.

It’s a wonderful picture—one of my favorite recent films, too—and a very intriguing concept, executed extremely well.  I could say the same thing about this review, which is exceptionally thorough and interesting (and has me wanting to go back and watch 1963’s Jason and The Argonauts).

With that, here is Ponty’s review of 2018’s A Quiet Place:

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Monday Morning Movie Review: Portly’s Top Ten Best Films: #10: Better Off Dead (1985)

After nearly five months of going through the worst films, Ponty and I have decided to launch a list of what we consider the best films of all time.

I don’t know about Ponty’s list, but for me, I’m treating this list partially as my favorite films of all time.  As much as I love writing movie reviews, I’m no professional critic, so what I consider to be the “best” might also just happen to coincide heavily with what I consider to be my “favorite” movies.  I’m sure there are technical and artistic grounds on which films could be deemed “better” than others, or the “best” compared to other films, but I’m not necessarily diving into those flicks.

Which brings me to this week’s pick for the #10 ten slot (although, honestly, it could be higher; ironically, it’s here at #10 just because I watched it recently):  the 1985 absurdist romantic comedy Better Off Dead:

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Lazy Sunday CLX: More Movies, Part XXIII: Portly’s Worst Films, Part I

We checked out the #10, #9, and #8 picks from Ponty last Sunday, so here are my same picks from our Top Ten Worst Films countdown, which we’ve been doing since March (and which we finally finished earlier this week).  With the exception of my #8 pick, I actually kind of enjoyed these films, but they were just very poorly executed:

That’s it for this Lazy Sunday!  Stay away from these films (but maybe pick up the soundtrack to Rocktober Blood).

Happy Sunday!

—TPP

Other Lazy Sunday Installments:

Monday Morning Movie Review: Portly’s Top Ten Worst Films: #2: Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (2019)

We’re nearly at the bottom, and my pick for this week—2019’s Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker—probably is a bit of a giveaway as to my Number 1 pick.

The Rise of Skywalker is the final film in the Star Warssequel trilogy,” itself a bloated mess of plot holes, Mary Sues, wooden characters, and destroyed legacies.  It’s not the worst film in the trilogy, but it’s pretty dang close.

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Monday Morning Movie Review: Ponty’s Top Ten Worst Films: #4: House on Cemetery Hill (2019)

You can tell we’re really getting into the dregs; Ponty’s review this week is devastating.

As he notes below, it’s no fun going after an indie flick with a low budget.  But there are plenty of low budget filmmakers that get it right, or at least grow as they hone their craft.  Every major director started out doing tiny films on a shoestring.

But sometimes there’s an effort so bad, even the lack of a budget isn’t a valid excuse.  Bad writing, bad acting, bad editing—these can kill a film faster than anything else.  All the quid in the world can’t save a film with this dark triad.

With that, here is Ponty’s review of 2019’s House on Cemetery Hill:

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Monday Morning Movie Review: Portly’s Top Ten Worst Films: #5: Color Out of Space (2019)

We’re really getting into the dregs with these worst movies.  This point is where it starts getting hard for me, too—it’s easy to write about any movie, but having to think about the worst ones is surprisingly difficult.

As I had to travel out of town this weekend for a late family member’s memorial service, I decided to use the tactic to which all bloggers must, at times, resort:  reusing an older post.

The film is legitimately bad, and I really would place it on this list.  So, why not kill two birds with one bad film?

Last June, my blogger buddy photog over at Orion’s Cold Fire and I both published reviews of 2019’s The Color Out of Space simultaneously (you can read his screed against this cinematic butchering of the the Lovecraft story here: https://orionscoldfire.com/index.php/2021/06/14/color-out-of-space-2019-a-science-fiction-and-fantasy-movie-review/).

He’d written a brief blog post comparing Nicolas Cage to William Shatner.  In it, he announced that Nicolas Cage starred in an adaptation of an H.P. Lovecraft story, “The Colour Out of Space.”

Naturally, I immediately went to RedBox and (with a coupon code, of course) and rented The Color Out of Space on-demand.  As a fan of Lovecraft’s weird tales and Nicolas Cage’s weird acting, I had to see this film.

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Monday Morning Movie Review: Ponty’s Top Ten Worst Films: #5: Jungle Cruise (2021)

We’re cruising right along into the second half of the long countdown of worst films.  The ball is back in Ponty’s court, and he’s picked a real doozy to mark the halfway point.

Is there anything wokery hasn’t poisoned with its foolishness?  Apparently, Ponty’s pick for , 2021’s Jungle Cruise, suggests not.  A movie based on a theme park ride worked before for Disney, but that was a bit of a fluke; taking an even more obscure ride, then adding in loads of anachronistic presentism, was hoping for too much, even for The Mouse.

One of our regular readers and commenters, Alys Williams, is always wanting me to review flicks with bonnets and Biedermeier, but even those films are jumping on the identity bandwagon.  I have no problem with black people in movies—I mean, who doesn’t love Blade (1998)?—but a black English queen is too much.  Why?  Because it’s not historically accurate!

Sure, historical fiction can embellish some details here and there, but we’re really straining suspension of disbelief when a Nigerian portrays a Viking.  Imagine casting Chris Hemsworth as an African Pygmy—he’d stick out like a sore giant.

But I digress.  On with Ponty’s hilarious review of 2021’s Jungle Cruise:

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Lazy Sunday CXLIX: More Movies, Part XVII: Movie Reviews, Part XVII

We’re back at the movies again this Lazy Sunday with an interesting trio:  a Christmas-themed horror flick; a 1970s exploitation film; and a Spanish-language historical drama.  Guess which I enjoyed the best—the answer may surprise you!

Happy Sunday!

—TPP

Other Lazy Sunday Installments: