Lazy Sunday CLX: More Movies, Part XXIII: Portly’s Worst Films, Part I

We checked out the #10, #9, and #8 picks from Ponty last Sunday, so here are my same picks from our Top Ten Worst Films countdown, which we’ve been doing since March (and which we finally finished earlier this week).  With the exception of my #8 pick, I actually kind of enjoyed these films, but they were just very poorly executed:

That’s it for this Lazy Sunday!  Stay away from these films (but maybe pick up the soundtrack to Rocktober Blood).

Happy Sunday!

—TPP

Other Lazy Sunday Installments:

Midweek Myers Movie Review: King Kong (1933)

Good ol’ Audre keeps delivering the goods with these film reviews.  Of course, all these movie reviews make me wonder if I should just morph The Portly Politico into a film review blog—maybe re-brand as “A Portly Night at the Movies” or something.

But there’s just too much other good stuff to bloviate about.  Still, there’s something magical about a good movie, and few movies are quite as magical as 1933’s King Kong.  There’s something whimsical—completely captivating—about this film:  the stop-motion Kong; the iconic scenes; the mighty ape fighting a Tyrannosaurus Rex.  It’s all so… cool!

So I was thrilled when Audre—quite out of the blue!—contributed this review of the film.  She captures that whimsy and magic and adventure so beautifully here.  And for a woman obsessed with Bigfoot, well, it makes sense she’d like movies about giant apes.

With that, here is Audre Myers’s review of 1933’s King Kong:

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Lazy Sunday CLIX: More Movies, Part XXII: Ponty’s Worst Films, Part I

Good ol’ Ponty and I have been trading movie reviews back and forth, ranking what we consider to be the worst films of all time.  It was a brilliant idea from Ponty himself, and we’ve had some fun with it, although I think we’re both ready for it to be done (I’ll finish out tomorrow with my pick tomorrow).

With the series drawing to a close—and talk of doing a countdown of the best films of all time–I thought it would be worthwhile to dedicate a few Sundays to going back through our lists.  As such, here are Ponty’s #10, , and #8 picks:

Happy Sunday!

—TPP

Other Lazy Sunday Installments:

Midweek Myers Movie Review: The Jolson Story (1946)

We’re nearly through the end of the our lengthy countdown of the worst films ever.  With Ponty’s pick in the books, there’s just my pick to go on Monday.

Fortunately, Audre Myers is back again with some midweek levity and positivity, moving away from the acerbic wit of negative reviews.  The object of her praise this week is 1946’s The Jolson Story, the slightly fictionalized account of the life of Al Jolson and his insatiable appetite for applause.  There’s also a poignant love story, one that doesn’t quite turn out as we’d hope.

But I’ll leave that to Audre.  Here is her review of The Jolson Story (1946):

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Open Mic Adventures V: “There’s a Light (Over at the Frankenstein Place)”

It’s still summertime, but the first hints of autumn are starting to creep into the air.  It’s hard to believe, but Halloween is only about eleven weeks away!  All the autumnal fun will be upon us before we know it.

We also enjoyed some unseasonably low humidity in South Carolina this weekend, along with temperatures in the mid-eighties.  It’s been quite pleasant this weekend; a pleasant foretaste of fall.

Still, it might be a tad early for Halloween music.  Nevertheless, a musician friend‘s wife has been begging John and me to do some tunes from The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975).

Naturally, we obliged.

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Midweek Myers Movie Review: The Lion in Winter (1968)

As Ponty and I have been going through the worst movies ever, it seems like a palette cleanser is in order.  Too much of a good thing is a problem, but too much of a bad thing is probably worse (by definition, I suppose it is!).

Thanks to good ol’ Audre Myers, we have a reminder that plenty of good—indeed, great—things have been imprinted on celluloid.  Not every film is a woke stinker with a strident “strong female character” who lacks any flaws or shortcomings.

Indeed, this film demonstrates how really to write a “strong female character”—and it was released in 1968!  I thought those philistines were still dragging women to their caves by the hair back then.  Well, they don’t come much stronger than Eleanor of Aquitaine; portrayed by the hyper-patrician Katharine Hepburn, 1968 Hollywood would run circles around Brie Larson.

Well, enough of my pontificating.  Here’s Audre Myers’s—our own “strong female character” here at TPP—and her exquisite review of 1968’s The Lion in Winter:

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Monday Morning Movie Review: Portly’s Top Ten Worst Films: #2: Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (2019)

We’re nearly at the bottom, and my pick for this week—2019’s Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker—probably is a bit of a giveaway as to my Number 1 pick.

The Rise of Skywalker is the final film in the Star Warssequel trilogy,” itself a bloated mess of plot holes, Mary Sues, wooden characters, and destroyed legacies.  It’s not the worst film in the trilogy, but it’s pretty dang close.

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Monday Morning Movie Review: Ponty’s Top Ten Worst Films: #2: Love Actually (2003)

When Ponty submitted this week’s review, he made the submission twice, because the first one was apparently so laced with profanity, he believed the delicate sensibilities of my readers might protest.  So he resubmitted this review, which, while lacking the language of the original (besides one well-placed f-bomb), still retains the vitriolic evisceration this film so richly deserves.

I vaguely remember when this flick hit the theaters.  I was in high school, or just starting college, and the assistant pastor at church apparently watched it with his wife—until he turned it off in disgust.  I’ve never watched it, but from Ponty’s review, I’m glad I didn’t.  The pastor was right, though you’d think a man of the cloth would have exercised a bit more discretion and discernment before popping this worldly tripe into his DVD player.

When we look about at the state of the world today, and especially of romantic relationships, it’s pretty clear they’re in a bad way.  Men and women distrust each other.  Everyone is out to get whatever will make them feel good, no matter what the consequences to themselves or others.  Broken hearts litter the dating scene like shattered glass in an alleyway.

And it’s all in the name of “love.”  Actually, it’s all in the name of lust.  Satan is good at taking something beautiful—Biblical love—and turning into a tawdry, disgraceful knock-off.

This film surely is one of myriad examples of Satan disseminating this perverted view of “love” to the masses.  Ponty’s review, while uproariously funny and biting, also picks up on this important insight, albeit in a far more entertaining and far less preachy manner.

With that, here’s Ponty’s pick, 2003’s Love Actually:

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Lazy Sunday CLVI: More Movies, Part XXI: Movie Reviews, Part XXI

We’re back to the movies yet again this Lazy Sunday, though it’s going to be an abbreviated installment.  After the two film reviews here, Ponty and I began trading back and forth our reviews of our Top Ten Worst Films.  That list is nearly complete (with Ponty’s pick popping tomorrow morning), so I’ll soon be going back through that list in future editions of Lazy Sunday.

That also means that, after this Sunday, I’ll be giving retrospectives of film reviews a rest for a few weekends.  What vague theme will I explore instead?  Stay tuned to find out more!

Regardless, here’s a 33% lighter Lazy Sunday than usual:

  • Monday Morning Movie Review: Runaway (1984)” – One reason I like to go back through these movie reviews is because I forget how many movies I’ve reviewed.  I also just straight up forgot watching 1984’s Runaway—starring a mustachioed Tom Selleck as a police officer charged with disabling malfunctioning robots—until going back through these old reviews.  I did enjoy this film, and although it’s not a great movie, it scratched an itch for a robophile such as myself.
  • Monday Morning Movie Review: Deep Water (2022)” – If you like psychological thrillers, Ana de Armas, and snails, you’ll love Deep Water (2022), the story of loveless, dysfunctional couple Vic (Ben Affleck) and Melinda (de Armas) Van Allen.  A great deal of the appeal of this movie—besides the aforementioned Ana de Armas playing a riotous sexpot—is trying to figure out the nature of the Van Allens’s deeply messed up relationship.  The snails are also kind of weird.

Happy Sunday!

—TPP

Other Lazy Sunday Installments: