close up of a pile of chopped wood

Border Towns

The new town where Dr. Wife and I reside is about twenty minutes from the border between North and South Carolina.  When I go up to visit her at her little apartment in North Carolina (she’s living there during the weeks as she finishes up her medical residency), I drive through some tiny South Carolina border towns, places with names like “Tatum” and “McColl.”  The comparatively larger Laurinburg is on the North Carolina side of the border.

These little towns have some interesting features.  On the South Carolina side of the border, they’re tiny.  Tatum is a few ramshackle buildings and a local manufacturer; I’m not sure there’s even a gas station there.  McColl has a bit more going on, but not much.  This section of northeastern South Carolina is very rural, and lies far enough from major Interstates and other population centers that they’re not receiving much beyond commuter traffic, which usually flows out of these communities.

There’s also the people that want to buy fireworks.  On the South Carolina side, there are more and more fireworks stands the closet one gets to the State line.  Even though we’re still two months away from Independence Day, I will see multiple cars parked at these places when I drive by, so there is apparently an appetite for colorful explosives year-round.

Fireworks are apparently lucrative.  On the outskirts of McColl, the last town before hitting the North Carolina border, there is a little floral shop.  It’s cute and sports a faded but fun shade of pink.  On its sign, it advertises flowers—and fireworks.

As one drives closer to the North Carolina border, there are a number of dilapidated—or even entirely missing—video arcades.  I have vague childhood recollections of driving past similar places along the SC-NC border and getting excited that there were video game establishments, but my parents explained they were not arcades like we knew from the mall, but places where people played video poker.  One of these establishments has a garish onion dome a la the Kremlin or the Taj Mahal.  It is completely vacant.

Video poker was legal in South Carolina at some point in the 1990s.  The convenience store next to my late maternal grandfather’s furniture store in Bath, South Carolina had a video poker cabinet (it may have been blackjack), and I remember thinking it was insane that it cost a whopping two dollars to play.  Of course, it was likely illegal for me to play it; even if it weren’t, it was too expensive.

Remember, these were the days when most arcade games cost a quarter to play.  A good game—something really premium—cost fifty cents.  A really awesome, cutting-edge game at, say, Myrtle Beach might cost a dollar.  Two bucks to play a hand of poker or blackjack was outrageous (and not very appealing to a kid, anyway), but I imagine many a workman blew his pay packet at these machines every Friday night hoping to escape their situations (yes, there were desperately poor people in the 1990s).

I briefly (and unfortunately) dated the daughter of one of the guys who invented the video poker machine; he became a drug addict, which is tragic but, like most tragedies, also poetic.  She was a hot mess (emphasis on the mess, not the hot), and was emblematic of what I call “nouveau riche rednecks.”  They’re a type that jump from poverty to wealth too quickly, retaining a great deal of the trashiness associated with riotous country folk.  Imagine the people who spend all their money on four-wheelers and jet skis and $80,000 pickup trucks.

To be clear, I’m just two generations removed from poverty on my father’s side.  But my paternal grandfather and grandmother weren’t that kind of “country” Southerner that seem to be either the best or worst of people.  They were something else, due in large part to their devotion to Christ.  Yes, my Papa worked in the textile mill and Mama was a custodian at the library.  When I was a little kid, and Papa was retired, I thought he was a scrap dealer:  he would drive around in his awesome 1980s Honda Civic hatchback and pick up items people had tossed on the side of the road, then host a huge yard sale every fall.  Papa would boast about how the Save-a-Lot brand canned spaghetti and meatballs had one more meatball per can than Chef Boyardee; it struck me as the wisest thing I’d ever heard.

But I digress.  The point is that we slowly emerged from that milieu.  We did not succumb to the video poker bubble; indeed, I imagine my parents and grandparents were glad to see it go.  Governor David Beasley famously lost his re-election bid in the 1998 South Carolina gubernatorial race to Democrat Jim Hodges in large part because Beasley opposed video poker and a State lottery.  It was an object lesson in how the people will clamor for their own destruction, which is itself proof that they shouldn’t be allowed to gamble.

Well, they can’t get their video poker fix in South Carolina, but crossing the border into North Carolina’s Scotland County immediately presents visitors with multiple cinderblock boxes with neon signs shouting “777” and “Skill Games.”  These hastily-constructed hotboxes host video and other forms of gambling.  South Carolinians itching to risk their paycheck on a pipedream can easily hop the border, just as North Carolinians eager to explode LEGO men in their backyard with bottle rockets and Roman Candles can scuttle on down to South Carolina.

There’s something about that liminal space (to use a favorite buzzword of Internet essayists everywhere) in border regions that brings out the unsavoriness of human nature.  In a zone where legal and cultural and political identities melt into one another, unimagined possibilities gain life.  There are always merchants of vice willing to imagine those possibilities for their desperate customers—for a price.

At least in South Carolina the vice we sell is fireworks, which are more of a fun novelty than a depraved invitation to dark deeds.  I’d rather light up the sky with explosives than descend into the darkness of a vape-filled, cinderblocked gambling dungeon.

Phone it in Friday XXXVI: On the Road, Festival News

I’m chaperoning a trip to Washington, D.C. for my school’s ninth and tenth graders, and we’ve been going nonstop since about 5 AM on Wednesday, 29 March 2023.  Indeed, I’m writing this blog post on the bus to our nation’s capital.  The bus is equipped with WiFi, which is one of the more decadent instances of modern travel amenities I’ve enjoyed.

After the madness (and awesomeness) of my school’s annual Spring Concert (more on that tomorrow), it’s good to hit the road for a few days.  I was not looking forward to slogging through the rest of the week after the high of the concert.  That’s not to mention the burn of it:  according to my fitness app, I burned over 1900 calories and walked a little over seven miles throughout the course of the day.

There’s been a great deal of walking on this trip, so the burn keeps going.  I haven’t been able to get in my morning run, but the perambulation to historic sites has made up the difference in terms of caloric burn.

I’ll have more details soon.  The other big event is the Lamar Egg Scramble, which kicks off this afternoon, the bulk of which is tomorrow.  I have some big (for me) news in regards to the ol’ Scramble.

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TBT: Summertime Schedule Begins

As of about 8 PM EST last Thursday, I’ve been living the Summer Break Lifestyle.  Other than camp and lessons, I’ve been enjoying a much more leisurely pace of living.

Summer is already filling up fast.  While the first week of Minecraft Camp is in the books, I have another session next week.  I’m attempting to run my Rock ‘n’ Roll Camp for the second year, but as of the time of writing, it looks like I might just have one student, so that may get axed.

Nevertheless, it’s a good time to knock out some projects, especially when I wrap up camps.  I’m hoping to get back—finally!—to wrapping up the first volume of my Sunday Doodles book, which will go through the first fifty editions of the feature (over at my SubscribeStar page).  Indeed, I may do the first 100 editions, as I am currently at 144.  That will require more editing, but will make for a beefier book.

It’s also time to get cracking on some short stories.  I’ve been sitting on one story about a guy who eats an undercooked frozen pizza with bizarre consequences; now I need to write it!

With that, here is 8 June 2021’s “Summertime Schedule Begins“:

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Lazy Sunday CLIX: Scrambie Eggs

The title for this weekend’s Lazy Sunday comes from the breakfast scene in The Cable Guy (1996), in which Jim Carrey’s deranged character opines, “But I made us scrambie eggs!”  It was also the weekend of the Lamar Egg Scramble, and a good friend has been bringing me farm fresh eggs, of which I have been scrambling up quite a few on the weekends.

  • Egg Scramble Scrambled” – The last Lamar Egg Scramble before yesterday’s event ended in fisticuffs, and law enforcement shut it down early.  That was the first time since 1983, so honestly not a bad track record for an event that essentially quadruples the population of the town.
  • Lamar’s Sesquicentennial Celebration” – On a brighter note, Lamar is celebrating its sesquicentennial this year, with a ton of celebrations to mark 150 years of being a town.
  • SubscribeStar Saturday: The Egg Scramble Returns” – The 2022 Egg Scramble “Over Easy” was a fun event.  It was the first Scramble I’ve managed to attend, and I was blown away by the size of crowd.  John and I played a few tunes, and it was a fun afternoon.

Happy Sunday!

—TPP

Other Lazy Sunday Installments:

SubscribeStar Saturday: The Egg Scramble Returns

Today’s post is a SubscribeStar Saturday exclusive.  To read the full post, subscribe to my SubscribeStar page for $1 a month or more.  For a full rundown of everything your subscription gets, click here.

Today marks the return of the Lamar Egg Scramble, which organizers have dubbed the “Egg Scramble Over Easy,” as it’s a scaled-down version of the event.  It’s part of this year’s sesquicentennial celebration, featuring months of celebrations and observances to commemorate the town’s origins (as Lisbon) in 1872.

Believe it or not, it will also be the first time I will actually get to attend the Scramble.  Indeed, my buddy John and I will be playing at it later in the day.

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Lamar’s Sesquicentennial Celebration

My little adopted hometown of Lamar turns 150-years old this year, and we’re celebrating!  The town is planning a full slate of events over the next nine months, kicking off with the return of the famous Egg Scramble Jamboree and a community worship service the first weekend in April.  The Egg Scramble usually lasts the entire weekend, but as it’s the first since The Age of The Virus, the committee behind the event is doing a one-day event, dubbed “The Egg Scramble: Over Easy.”

That cracks me up every time.

Longtime readers know that I love festivals and small-town boosterism.  It’s no surprise, then, that I am super excited for all of these events.

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Lamar Election Results 2021

About forty minutes after polls closed, poll workers posted election results to the front door of Lamar Town Hall.

Here are the receipts for Lamar Precinct No. 1, which is south of Main Street, and Lamar Precinct No. 2, which is north of Main Street (I live in the latter district).

Those don’t include the absentee ballots, which a poll worker announced aloud.  Here are the final vote totals (winners in bold green):

Mayor’s Race

James Howell – 164

Inez Bess Lee – 155

Town Council (2 Seats to Fill)

Tyler James Cook – 162

Mary Ann Mack – 176

Jerry Shull (Write-In) – 111

Here is a picture I took from a lady’s phone; she managed to get a photo of what I think is the sheet the poll workers used to tally everything:

Lamar Election November 2021 - Totals

The numbers on the left are the vote totals.  The first number to the right of each name represents the absentee ballots, which is what the Darlington News and Press is reporting at the time of this writing; the second number represents votes from Lamar Precinct No. 1; and the third number represents votes from Lamar Precinct No. 2 (cut off in this photograph).

Barring any chicanery, these look to be the official numbers.

Thanks to everyone who came out and voted today.  I appreciated your support!  Congratulations to all of the candidates for putting themselves out there to serve the public.

SubscribeStar Saturday: Trick-or-Treat When You Want

Today’s post is a SubscribeStar Saturday exclusive.  To read the full post, subscribe to my SubscribeStar page for $1 a month or more.  For a full rundown of everything your subscription gets, click here.

One of the more interesting aspects of serving as a Town Councilman is discovering the kinds of matters residents really care about.  While they tend to worry about big issue things—fixing the water system, for example, and keeping their water and sewage bills low—most of their day-to-day concerns are smaller:  getting lawn waste picked up in a timely fashion; being able to pay their water bill conveniently; requesting information about upcoming events.

That’s to be expected:  people have busy lives, and one reason we have representative government is because most folks want someone else to take care of the delivery of basic services.  Just as we expect the electric company to keep the lights on and our ISP to keep the YouTube videos piping in over high-speed connections, residents want their water to flow when they turn on the spigot.  I don’t lie awake at night wondering how to generate electricity because a lot of other capable people are involved in doing just that, and I’m happy to pay them to do it.

But one thing that I have noticed is that there are some matters that people really can figure out for themselves, but they still want some official guidance or direction.  I’ve noticed this most with questions about the time-honored Halloween tradition of trick-or-treating.

The issue is straightforward:  Halloween falls on a Sunday this year, which throws everything into chaos.  Here in the South, our relationship with Halloween is sometimes tenuous at best, although most everyone I know loves it and celebrates it in some way, including trick-or-treating.  But Sundays are for church, not for dressing up as witches and devils and ghosts.  Also, more practically, there is work and school the next day, and no one wants to be out too late.

The big question, then, is, “when do we trick-or-treat?”—or, as I have been asked by residents, “when does the town observe trick-or-treating?”

The Town of Lamar has answered that question:  Saturday, 30 October 2021, from 4-7 PM.  But I am still getting questions about trick-or-treating—more than about any other piece of town business.

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Lamar Candidates Forum

Last night my little town of Lamar, South Carolina, hosted a candidates forum to give voters an opportunity to learn more about the candidates for Town Council and the Mayor’s race.  Our Town employees did an excellent job organizing the event, which was held in the Fire Department’s fire truck bay.  I brought some sound equipment and setup a very basic sound system for the candidates.

There are two Council seats up for election, which Councilwoman Mary Mack and myself currently occupy.  We’re both running for re-election, so we are officially running unopposed.  Residents will have two votes to cast in the Town Council race, one for each position.

As such, Councilwoman Mack and I were invited to tell voters a bit about ourselves and our visions for the town.  The main event was the mayoral forum, which was structured in a series of questions (nine or ten) posed to each candidate.  The mayoral candidates received their questions in advance, and the audience was not allowed to ask questions (although I think several people did after the forum formally adjourned).

Both candidates acquitted themselves nicely, differing mainly in the margins.  Councilwoman Inez Lee focused on cleaning up the town, literally and metaphorically, frequently invoking Franklin Roosevelt’s “First Hundred Days”:  we have a number of dilapidated buildings on Main Street that are eyesores.  James Howell, a local landscaper, focused on improving the town’s infrastructure and zoning to make the town more attractive to businesses.

All candidates for all offices touted the need to fix Lamar’s water system, so we sell our own water again.  We are currently purchasing around four million gallons of water each month from the Darlington County Water and Sewage Authority, paying rates that are onerously high for residents.

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Playing Catch-up: TPP Update

Apologies to my regular readers for the very delayed post today.  Now that I have a large contingent of British readers, I really like to hit the 6:30 AM EST posting time, which I imagine is around lunchtime for them, so they have something to read over their tea and crumpets while my American readers have something to read over their grits and coffee.

As I’ve alluded to in other posts, the past two weeks or so have been absolutely insane for yours portly.  As my school’s music teacher, I’m also the audio-visual wizard on campus.  With Homecoming Week last week, it was my responsibility to make sure the sound system at the football field was working properly, and to assist with setup for some of the Homecoming games.  I also set up another ad hoc sound system for my High School Music Ensemble to play a couple of songs at a pep rally Friday morning.  When most of your musicians play guitar and piano, the logistics of plugging everything in become more daunting when taken outdoors.

Needless to say, all of my planning time was consumed with these activities, and I spent most of my Music classes using student labor to move equipment to and from the football field.  That meant more time in the evenings and early mornings working on school-related stuff, and less time to focus on the blog.

In the midst of all of the Homecoming Week wackiness, I’m also running for reelection to Lamar Town Council and practicing and preparing for the 2021 Spooktacular.  Tonight I have a candidates forum for the former, and last night my buddy John and I practiced for the latter.

Add to all of that a whopping dollop of after-school music lessons, and you can tell I’ve had precious little time for much else.  I had a fun-filled day with my girlfriend on Saturday, then turned around Sunday and immediately set to work finalizing first quarter report card grades.

I’m not complaining—I like being busy—but I hope readers will extend some graciousness and excuse some occasionally late posts.  My poor dog has been getting the short end of the bully stick, too, though we both collapsed into a snoring heap on the couch last night after John departed.

Such are the rhythms of life.  Here’s hoping things return to a more stately tempo after the frenetic rhythm of the last few weeks.  Again, I don’t want to be bored, but having a little more time to focus on writing would be great.

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