Tag: movies

Monday Morning Movie Review: Switchblade Sisters (1975)

The Portly Politico10 Comments

I believe I am developing a reputation on this blog for reviewing some really bad movies, or at least lots of B movies.  I don’t resent that reputation; indeed, I embrace it.

Seriously, while playing Ozzy Osbourne’s “Bark at the Moon” at a Christmas gig Friday night (later in the evening John and I started having fun pulling out some incongruously non-Christmas tunes; I also covered “There’s a Light (Over at the Frankenstein Place),” and he played John Denver’s “Calypso“), I caught myself thinking, “I really want to go home and watch a movie about a werewolf at Christmastime.”

I did not do that—I ended up watching Hell’s Kitchen (the television series) with my girlfriend while playing Civilization Revolution on the couch.  But that random little thought should give some insight into my attitude towards B movies:  I love ’em.  The wackier the concept, the better!

That said, today’s movie, 1975’s Switchblade Sisters, is not one I will recommend for anyone but the schlockiest lovers of schlock.  This film is the textbook definition of an exploitation film, as I gather it’s basically an excuse to portray teenage girls as alluringly violent criminals.

What I found compelling about that film, however, was that the world it portrayed—one in which a gang of girls takes on the established male gangs of a crumbling city—is so sad for the urban blight and desperation depicted.  There’s also a fascinating series of gang power struggles that raises the film slightly above its exploitative tone, as newcomer Maggie eventually takes control of the gang, changing their name from the “Dagger Debs” to “The Jezebels.”

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Lazy Sunday CXLIII: More Movies, Part XIII: Movie Reviews, Part XIII

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I’m finally coming up for air after two very long weeks of week.  The multiple belated posts of the last week, including today’s, is indicative of the pace at which I’ve been working.

But no one wants to read (more!) about that.  In the spirit of laziness and yuletide exhaustion, I’m offering up another three-film retrospective, as I continue marching through past editions of Monday Morning Movie Reviews:

  • “Monday Morning Movie Review: Viy (1967)” – It’s a Soviet horror film from the 1960s.  That should be enough justification to watch it.
  • “Monday Morning Movie Review: The Stuff (1985)” – 1985’s The Stuff is one of those movies that looks like it was filmed in the 1970s, but it takes place firmly in the 1980s.  In that context, the satire of cultish consumerism and materialism run amok is pretty on the nose.  Still, it’s a good film, combining elements of consumer protection advocacy, mass media advertising, consumerism, ruthless business tactics, and addiction into a blob of creamy terror.
  • “Monday Morning Movie Review: Star Wars (1977)” – Reviewing the original 1977 Star Wars is a bit ridiculous—what do I have to say that others have not already said, and better?—but I had the opportunity to watch it outdoors in a neighbor’s driveway on a big inflatable screen.  Pretty awesome, eh?

Happy Sunday!

—TPP

Other Lazy Sunday Installments:

Lazy Sunday CXLII: More Movies, Part XII: Movie Reviews, Part XII

The Portly Politico2 Comments

It was a grueling week for yours portly, and the weekend hasn’t been much easier.  There won’t be much resting this Sabbath; in addition to catching up on this quite belated post, I have quite a bit of prep work for the school week ahead, which includes not just writing review guides for exams (which also need to be written), but also preparing for the school’s annual Christmas concert.  One major beef I have with the time-honored five-day workweek is that it leaves little precious time to attend to what needs getting done around the house (like fixing a clogged drain and hanging my Christmas lights), and this school year I feel like I am constantly grading and creating assessments.

But enough moaning.  Here are three more film reviews, all three from August of this year, when I was deep in the throes of my ongoing love affair with Shudder, the horror streaming service:

  • “Monday Morning Movie Review: The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then the Bigfoot (2018)” – I actually didn’t watch this one on Shudder.  Audre Myers of Nebraska Energy Observer asked me if I’d seen The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then the Bigfoot (2018), and encouraged me to write a review of it, so I did (I still have to write that review of 1999’s Bicentennial Man that she requested months ago—I’ll get to it eventually!).  The flick is nothing like what its exploitation-style name suggests (although the title character does kill both Hitler and the Bigfoot), but it’s still pretty good!
  • “Monday Morning Movie Review: Hell Comes to Frogtown (1988)” – Now this is the flick I thought 
  • The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then the Bigfoot would be!  I loved this flick, which is about the title character, Sam Hell (Roddy Piper), infiltrating a post-apocalyptic world inhabited by frog people (thus, Hell Comes to Frogtown).  The world is completely ridiculous, but fun, with hot babe super scientists, villainous frog dictators, and a man whose virility is so legendary, women lick their chops at the sight of him.  It’s everything that made the 1980s great:  original storylines, comedic machismo, and pro wrestlers as actors.
  • “Monday Morning Movie Review: Jakob’s Wife (2021)” – In August Shudder released a new exclusive film, Jakob’s Wife (2021), a feminist-inflected vampire story starring 80s scream queen Barbara Crampton.  While the feminist themes were a bit heavy-handed at points, the film handled the subject matter with a surprising degree of nuance.  For one, the film suggested (perhaps unintentionally) that female empowerment unleashed is a destructive, parasitical force—like a vampire.  Regardless, Crampton’s portrayal of the titular wife is excellent, and the script makes us sympathize with her.

Happy Sunday!

—TPP

Other Lazy Sunday Installments:

Monday Morning Movie Review: Nosferatu the Vampyre (1979)

The Portly Politico11 Comments

I’m coming off a dizzyingly long Thanksgiving, and while I enjoyed quite a bit of unstructured time, I surprisingly did not have much time for writing.  Posts from the past week indicate the amount of phoning in I’ve done lately, and this week’s Monday Morning Movie Review will likely be no different.

The idea for this review came from my good buddy photog over at Orion’s Cold Fire.  On Halloween he wrote a large double review of the 1922 silent film Nosferatu and the Werner Herzog remake, Nosferatu the Vampyre (1979).

After reading his review, I found that Shudder had the Herzog remake—which photog correctly identifies as a tribute to the 1922 F. W. Murnau film—and watched it.  I will say that photog’s review really does an excellent job of detailing the highlights, so I’d encourage you to read it.  As he goes through much of the plot, I’ll leave that alone, and instead will give some of my thoughts on the film.

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Monday Morning Movie Review: Prisoners of Ghostland (2021) and Incident in a Ghostland (2018)

The Portly Politico10 Comments

Today marks the official start of my glorious Thanksgiving Break.  My sage advice—to sacrifice Columbus Day as a day off in exchange for an entire week of freedom for Thanksgiving—has apparently, via osmosis, found its way to my school’s administration, and after slogging it out for three months, we’re finally reaping the benefits of that sacrifice.

This past weekend was also the first time in a few weeks I did not have to travel out of town for one reason or another, so I have watched a lot of movies on Shudder—the good, the bad, and the forgettable (I also managed to get in a late-night session of Civilization VI, eschewing my most recent playthrough as the Celts and cranking up a new run as the Incan Empire, which is slowly expanding across South America at the time of this writing).  I managed to catch two flicks with the word “Ghostland” in their titles, one memorable and somewhat good, the other absolutely terrible:  2021’s Prisoners of Ghostland and 2018’s Incident in a Ghostland, respectively.

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Lazy Sunday CXL: More Movies, Part XI: Movie Reviews, Part XI

The Portly Politico2 Comments

This Sunday’s collection of film retrospectives features a trio of darker and weirder fare, especially She’s Allergic to Cats (2016).  Perhaps the long Thanksgiving Break will give you an opportunity to watch a movie about a guy whose “true passion is making weird video art that nobody understands.”  ‘Tis the season… right?

With that, here are another three reviews for your delectation:

  • “Monday Morning Movie Review: She’s Allergic to Cats (2016)” – This flick is described on Shudder.com thusly (and the description says it all):

    A lonely dog groomer in Hollywood searches for love, but his true passion is making weird video art that nobody understands. His menial routine spirals out of control when he meets the girl of his dreams, crossing boundaries between reality and fantasy as he dives deeper into his video experiments.

  • “Monday Morning Movie Review: Near Dark (1987)” – What an excellent vampire movie!  Near Dark focuses on a relationship between a farm boy named Caleb and a strange girl called Mae.  Mae, of course, turns out to be a vampire, and ends up biting Caleb in his truck amid a frenzied, pre-dawn make-out session.  This bite transforms Caleb into a creature of the night, and as he runs—his body smoking in the harsh daylight—Mae’s cabal of white trash vampires snag Caleb, driving off with him.
  • “Monday Morning Movie Review: Heathers (1989)” – Heathers was the writing debut of Daniel Walters, who (according to The Last Drive-in with Joe Bob Briggs) wanted to write a script that felt like a John Hughes film that Stanley Kubrick directed (Kubrick did not direct Heathers; Michael Lehmann directed in his film debut).  Well, Walters achieved his goal—this is a very black satire on popularity, mass media, and high school power struggles.

Happy Sunday!

—TPP

Other Lazy Sunday Installments:

Monday Morning Movie Review: Bell, Book, and Candle (1958)

The Portly Politico17 Comments

Well, it’s finally here—my hotly anticipated review of 1958’s Bell, Book, and Candle, starring Jimmy Stewart as a bumbling New York City publisher and Kim Novak as a seductive witch.  Audre Myers sent me this film on DVD a couple of months ago, and after a weekend of woodland adventures and grading papers (including grading papers in the woods), I sat down to watch it.

I’m so glad Audre sent it my way.  It’s a very fun romantic comedy about a witch, Gillian “Gil” Holroyd (Novak), who casts a love spell on publisher Shep Henderson (Stewart).  Thus ensorcelled, Shep breaks off his engagement with the haughty Merle Kittridge (Janice Rule), becoming magically obsessed with Gil.

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Lazy Sunday CXXXIX: More Movies, Part X: Movie Reviews, Part X

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Nothing is lazier than writing a Lazy Sunday about past movie reviews.  It takes no creative effort on my part, and my back catalog of movie reviews is so vast at this point, it provides fodder for months.  Months, I say!

Erhem… anyway, these films marked my introduction to Shudder, the horror streaming service, which subsequently impacted about 99% of my film viewing.  I dove pretty hard into all that Shudder had to offer:

  • “Monday Morning Movie Review: The City of the Dead (1960)” – This post marked my first movie review since subscribing to Shudder, the horror streaming service.  City of the Dead is a classic of black-and-white horror film from the early 1960s.  As a fan of Hammer films, I really enjoyed this moody, atmospheric flick.  It also features Christopher Lee, a veteran of Hammer flicks, and best known for his repeated roles as Dracula.  In The City of the Dead, Lee portrays a professor studying witchcraft, who convinces his promising young student Nan Barlow to spend her vacation learning in remote Whitewood, Massachusetts.  Against the warnings of her brother and her fiancé, Nan makes the difficult journey to Whitewood, picking up a mysterious hitchhiker along the way—and putting herself into perilous danger.
  • “Monday Morning Movie Review: Creepshow (1982)” – I remember seeing Creepshow at some point as a kid, and the plots of several of the vignettes stuck with me.  For example, the whole plot of “The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verrill“—which stars Stephen King in his first film role—has always stuck with me (indeed, I have an idea for a short story with a similar premise tentatively entitled “Yeast Man”):  the idiot farmer slowly succumbing to the weird alien plant.  Ted Danson’s submerged head in “Something to Tide You Over” is another memorable image, as is the flood of roaches entering the impossibly sanitized apartment in “They’re Creeping Up on You!”  Those three lodged themselves in my young mind, which added a nice bit of nostalgia to viewing Creepshow again as an adult.
  • “Delayed Monday Morning Movie Review: Day of the Dead (1985)” – One of these days I’ll actually get to watch 1978’s Dawn of the Dead, the supposedly “fun” Romero Dead movie.  But Day of the Dead did in a pinch, even if it’s far more cynical about human nature than Dawn.  The film takes place at a point in the zombie apocalypse at which virtually no humans are left alive (or not undead).  A tiny military unit begrudgingly protects an even tinier team of scientists, the latter of which are attempting to resolve or reverse the zombification of their fellow Americans through scientific means.  There’s a strong theme of desperation and hopelessness in the film, but not nihilism:  the film suggests that humanity brought the zombie plague upon itself by playing God and pushing the limits of human knowledge to hubristic extremes.

Well, that’s it for this Sunday’s post.  I’m emerging from the woods at some point today, assuming Bigfoot didn’t get me.

Happy Sunday!

—TPP

Other Lazy Sunday Installments:

Monday Morning Movie Review: Wait Until Dark (1967)

The Portly Politico19 Comments

A quick note of apology to Audre Myers, one of my regular readers:  Audre mailed me a DVD of the film Bell, Book, and Candle (1958) at the beginning of October.  I have been waiting for opportunity to watch it with my girlfriend, then was going to review it.

Well, it turns out when you live four hours apart from each other, your weekends get filled up pretty quickly with fun activities and/or family obligations outside of the house—or catching up on a shared television series.  Poor BB&C has fallen by the wayside.

As such, I’ve yet to watch what appears to be a wonderful film, sent by a very wonderful friend.  I do apologize, Audrey, but I will make time this week to hook up the Blu-Ray player and watch the film solo.  Expect a detailed, lovingly handcrafted review in one week!

As I’ve noted many times before, Shudder has some of the best (and so-bad-it’s-the-best) content of any streaming service I’ve ever encountered.  Something I appreciate about the service is that they don’t just stick to slashers, but really take an expansive approach to “horror” as a genre.  They go out of their way to deliver some excellent classics that probably don’t show up anywhere else.

One such film—one that I would not strictly classify as a “horror” film, but which certainly deals with a horrific scenario—is 1967’s Wait Until Dark, starring Audrey Hepburn as a blind woman living with her photographer husband in a basement apartment in New York City.  Hepburn’s character, Susy Hendrix, has only been blind for a year or so, the result of a tragic accident, so she is still learning how to attend to everyday tasks without sight.

That said, she is fairly capable, and manages well enough, though the film clearly demonstrates that she is vulnerable due to her disability.  The stage is set for conflict when Susy and her husband come into the possession of an old-fashioned doll.  Unbeknownst to them, the doll is filled with heroine smuggled from Montreal, and a trio of crooks are intent on recovering the stash.

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Monday Morning Movie Review: Halloween Kills (2021)

The Portly Politico7 Comments

Halloween has come and gone, and we’re now entering the season of thankfulness—and then Christmas!  But I figured I’d squeeze in one more movie review related to the holiday, as my girlfriend and I saw—perhaps, it’s better to say, “endured”—2021’s Halloween Kills.

Halloween Kills is the sequel to 2018’s Halloween, itself a sequel to 1978’s Halloween (here’s a handy chart of all twelve Halloween films, and a diagram showing the different continuities within the bloated series).  Like Halloween II (1981), which starts immediately following the events of the original, Halloween Kills takes place on the same night as the events of Halloween (2018).  Confused yet?

Well, none of that much matters, besides the characters repeatedly mentioning the Michael Myers murders “forty years ago.”  Really, most of the movie is a sad attempt at making a statement about a mob mentality, itself muddled by the fact that the mob—which keeps chanting, “Evil dies tonight!”—is actually right about the necessity to annihilate Michael Myers once and for all.

Needless to say, it’s not a very good movie.  The 2018 Halloween was a great follow-up to the original (even taking into account that horror movie sequels are almost never good, or justified), and explored the theme of complacency in the face of a real existential threat.  Lori Strode’s character correctly understand that there is evil in the world, and Michael Myers is the relentless embodiment of it.  She therefore wisely takes major precautions to protect herself against the inevitable return of the man in the mask.

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