Monday Morning Movie Review: Switchblade Sisters (1975)

I believe I am developing a reputation on this blog for reviewing some really bad movies, or at least lots of B movies.  I don’t resent that reputation; indeed, I embrace it.

Seriously, while playing Ozzy Osbourne’s “Bark at the Moon” at a Christmas gig Friday night (later in the evening John and I started having fun pulling out some incongruously non-Christmas tunes; I also covered “There’s a Light (Over at the Frankenstein Place),” and he played John Denver’s “Calypso“), I caught myself thinking, “I really want to go home and watch a movie about a werewolf at Christmastime.”

I did not do that—I ended up watching Hell’s Kitchen (the television series) with my girlfriend while playing Civilization Revolution on the couch.  But that random little thought should give some insight into my attitude towards B movies:  I love ’em.  The wackier the concept, the better!

That said, today’s movie, 1975’s Switchblade Sisters, is not one I will recommend for anyone but the schlockiest lovers of schlock.  This film is the textbook definition of an exploitation film, as I gather it’s basically an excuse to portray teenage girls as alluringly violent criminals.

What I found compelling about that film, however, was that the world it portrayed—one in which a gang of girls takes on the established male gangs of a crumbling city—is so sad for the urban blight and desperation depicted.  There’s also a fascinating series of gang power struggles that raises the film slightly above its exploitative tone, as newcomer Maggie eventually takes control of the gang, changing their name from the “Dagger Debs” to “The Jezebels.”

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Lazy Sunday CXLIII: More Movies, Part XIII: Movie Reviews, Part XIII

I’m finally coming up for air after two very long weeks of week.  The multiple belated posts of the last week, including today’s, is indicative of the pace at which I’ve been working.

But no one wants to read (more!) about that.  In the spirit of laziness and yuletide exhaustion, I’m offering up another three-film retrospective, as I continue marching through past editions of Monday Morning Movie Reviews:

  • Monday Morning Movie Review: Viy (1967)” – It’s a Soviet horror film from the 1960s.  That should be enough justification to watch it.
  • Monday Morning Movie Review: The Stuff (1985)” – 1985’s The Stuff is one of those movies that looks like it was filmed in the 1970s, but it takes place firmly in the 1980s.  In that context, the satire of cultish consumerism and materialism run amok is pretty on the nose.  Still, it’s a good film, combining elements of consumer protection advocacy, mass media advertising, consumerism, ruthless business tactics, and addiction into a blob of creamy terror.
  • Monday Morning Movie Review: Star Wars (1977)” – Reviewing the original 1977 Star Wars is a bit ridiculous—what do I have to say that others have not already said, and better?—but I had the opportunity to watch it outdoors in a neighbor’s driveway on a big inflatable screen.  Pretty awesome, eh?

Happy Sunday!

—TPP

Other Lazy Sunday Installments:

Post-Concert Analysis is Coming

Yesterday’s Christmas concert went well, and I’m relieved to have it done.  I’m blessed to work with some super talented kids, and they are very dedicated to our Music Program.

I’ll be writing up a full analysis of it, as well as a gig I played with my buddy John last night, for SubscribeStar subscribers.  I should have the posted sometime Sunday afternoon.

For now, though, I am celebrating Christmas with my girlfriend.  We got each other some LEGO sets, so we’ve been building those this afternoon while watching TV and generally chilling out.

See you soon!

—TPP

Supporting Friends Friday: Frederick Ingram’s Christmas Groove

Today is the day of the big Christmas concert at school, and despite some moments of despair earlier in the week, I am feeling cautiously optimistic about the whole thing.  The kids are going to do a wonderful job, I am sure; I’m more worried about getting all of the tech stuff done in time, but it will happen, one way or another.

That said, it’s going to be a short Supporting Friends Friday this week—at least for me.  You, dear reader, get to listen to six minutes and twenty-four seconds of an excellent new Christmas track from my good buddy Frederick Ingram.

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TBT: Hark! The Herald Angels Sing

My school’s big Christmas concert is tomorrow—the first once since December 2019, the infamous “Corporate Christmas” concert—and my Middle School Music class is playing and singing “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.”  It’s one of my favorite carols, and is apparently my pastor’s favorite.

We’re doing the iconic first verse, as well as the third verse, which echoes the themes of the first.  There’s a great line—“ris’n with healing in His wings”—that just sounds epic.  It’s such a regal tune, perfect for The King of Kings arriving on Earth to save His fallen Creation.

Fortunately, my Middle School students seem to agree, and I am proud of their rendition.

With that, here is 8 December 2020’s “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing“:

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Christmas Concert Preparations

My apologies to readers who are used to waking up to a fresh Portly post in their inboxes, ready to enjoy over a hot cup of coffee at 6:30 AM.  Since Thanksgiving, I’ve been working pretty much nonstop.  Since probably 2009, when I started my two-year stint as the Cultural Coordinator at the Sumter Opera House in Sumter, South Carolina, the first half of December has been a brutal yuletide slog for yours portly.

Christmas 2010 was particularly grueling, with an event at the Opera House every night for the first two weeks of the month, including outdoor music on weekends for the City’s Festival of Lights.  I was so stressed that I developed a painful sore on the roof of my mouth, which made it unpleasant to eat anything but the softest of foods.  That was an unintentional blessing, as it kicked off my 2011 Weight Loss Odyssey, a journey during which I shed a whopping 110 pounds in about eleven months.  Even in extreme stress, there are hidden blessings.

Regardless, my Christmastimes for the past decade have been jam-packed with events.  That’s not always a bad thing:  I like keeping busy, and Christmas gigs can be very lucrative (about four years ago I played a bank Christmas party while suffering from a gnarly head cold, but a steady supply of cough drops and water got me through to the $300 reward on the other side).  There is one event that looms over all others this time every year, though, one that I paradoxically love and dread:  the annual school Christmas concert.

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It Came Upon a Midnight Clear

This past Sunday was the first of December, and my first time back at my little church since Thanksgiving.  That meant it was time—finally!—to play some Christmas carols.

We started the service with a rousing congregational singing of “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing,” which is apparently my pastor’s favorite carol.  Our second congregational singing was “It Came Upon a Midnight Clear,” a beautiful little hymn with some interesting harmonies and leaping melodies—typical of carols.

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Monday Morning Movie Review: The Advent Calendar (2021)

There’s a new Shudder exclusive just in time for Christmas:  2021’s The Advent Calendar, a Belgian production entirely in French (but with English subtitles).  The film stars the improbably lovely Eugénie Derouand as Eva, a paraplegic who—before a terrible automobile accident—was a gifted dancer.

A lot of the recent Shudder exclusives have been rather ho-hum.  I viewed one recently—I can’t even remember it’s name now!—that was essentially post-horror:  it was only atmospherically creepy, but nothing else about the film provoked scares.  Sometimes a horror movie is “scary” in the sense that it poses difficult questions (the way good science-fiction does), or presents some intriguing moral dilemma—or just depicts the terrifying consequences of a society pursuing a certain path.  That film didn’t even fit that criteria.

But The Advent Calendar does.  It’s not a particularly frightening film, but it presents a classic dilemma:  given the ability to improve your life dramatically at an extremely high cost—including sacrificing lives to achieve your goal—do you take the opportunity?  It’s a bit like The Monkey’s Paw, as another, less favorable review notes:  your wish comes true, but with horrifying unintended consequences.

Despite nearly botching the dilemma—more on that below—the film is compelling, and a fun watch (even if you’re reading subtitles the entire time).

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Lazy Sunday CXLII: More Movies, Part XII: Movie Reviews, Part XII

It was a grueling week for yours portly, and the weekend hasn’t been much easier.  There won’t be much resting this Sabbath; in addition to catching up on this quite belated post, I have quite a bit of prep work for the school week ahead, which includes not just writing review guides for exams (which also need to be written), but also preparing for the school’s annual Christmas concert.  One major beef I have with the time-honored five-day workweek is that it leaves little precious time to attend to what needs getting done around the house (like fixing a clogged drain and hanging my Christmas lights), and this school year I feel like I am constantly grading and creating assessments.

But enough moaning.  Here are three more film reviews, all three from August of this year, when I was deep in the throes of my ongoing love affair with Shudder, the horror streaming service:

  • Monday Morning Movie Review: The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then the Bigfoot (2018)” – I actually didn’t watch this one on Shudder.  Audre Myers of Nebraska Energy Observer asked me if I’d seen The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then the Bigfoot (2018), and encouraged me to write a review of it, so I did (I still have to write that review of 1999’s Bicentennial Man that she requested months ago—I’ll get to it eventually!).  The flick is nothing like what its exploitation-style name suggests (although the title character does kill both Hitler and the Bigfoot), but it’s still pretty good!
  • Monday Morning Movie Review: Hell Comes to Frogtown (1988)” – Now this is the flick I thought 
  • The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then the Bigfoot would be!  I loved this flick, which is about the title character, Sam Hell (Roddy Piper), infiltrating a post-apocalyptic world inhabited by frog people (thus, Hell Comes to Frogtown).  The world is completely ridiculous, but fun, with hot babe super scientists, villainous frog dictators, and a man whose virility is so legendary, women lick their chops at the sight of him.  It’s everything that made the 1980s great:  original storylines, comedic machismo, and pro wrestlers as actors.
  • Monday Morning Movie Review: Jakob’s Wife (2021)” – In August Shudder released a new exclusive film, Jakob’s Wife (2021), a feminist-inflected vampire story starring 80s scream queen Barbara Crampton.  While the feminist themes were a bit heavy-handed at points, the film handled the subject matter with a surprising degree of nuance.  For one, the film suggested (perhaps unintentionally) that female empowerment unleashed is a destructive, parasitical force—like a vampire.  Regardless, Crampton’s portrayal of the titular wife is excellent, and the script makes us sympathize with her.

Happy Sunday!

—TPP

Other Lazy Sunday Installments:

SubscribeStar Saturday: Yuletide Mania

Today’s post is a SubscribeStar Saturday exclusive.  To read the full post, subscribe to my SubscribeStar page for $1 a month or more.  For a full rundown of everything your subscription gets, click here.

The Christmas season is upon us, and nary did Thanksgiving end did the insane scrambling of the season commence.

Regular readers know I’m a hustler—I’ve always got some moneymaking schemes going:  primarily private music lessons, but also gigging, writing, calling sporting events, staging concerts, selling t-shirts, hawking weird art, etc.  These are all fun activities in addition to being lucrative, but it’s easy for them to get overwhelming, especially when they all hit at once.

Well, Christmastime—at least the first couple of weeks of December—seems to be a time when everything comes to a head at the same time (thus today’s later-than-usual post).  This past week was particularly grueling, with a number of events requiring my attention, sometimes nearly at the same time.

For those interested in the opportunities of perils of juggling different side gigs and responsibilities, today’s post will detail how I managed to teach almost all of my lessons for the week and setup lighting and sound for a pageant; reset that lighting and sound for a play; attended play tech and dress rehearsals; played a dinner at church and will play a longer Christmas set today; rode in a parade; and successfully made it through two stagings of the aforementioned play.

To read more of this post, subscribe to my SubscribeStar page for $1 a month or more.