A Very Portly Christmas: Ponty’s Review: A Christmas Carol (1951)

16 December 202215 December 2022 The Portly Politico22 Comments

Good old Ponty made a proposal (not an indecent one involving Tina and a million dollars, fortunately) that he, Audre Myers, and myself write reviews of two classic Christmas films, the 1951 adaption of A Christmas Carol and the 1946 classic It’s a Wonderful Life. I’m dubbing this series A Very Portly Christmas. Cue the French horns and the sweater vests.

While I imagine we’ll all have quite positive things to say about these time-honored Christmas classics, our hope is that we’ll each see and take something different from the films, and our shades of perspective will reveal to readers previously unseen hues and details.

Or we’ll end up with three remarkably similar reviews and it will make for dull, repetitive reading. Such are the risks of blogging, eh? But knowing these two characters, I doubt that will be the case. All I know is I’ve got to get crackin’ on my homework—It’s a Wonderful Life is over two hours long!

But I digress. Ponty is kicking us off this Christmas season, and, boy, what a great way to start! I think you’ll find his review as insightful and engaging as I did.

With that, here is Ponty’s review of 1951’s A Christmas Carol:

Myersvision: The Walking Dead

7 December 202229 November 2022 The Portly Politico32 Comments

What happens when you consume the same piece of pop culture so many times, you peel back the layers of rotted flesh to discover hidden depths that, on first glance, you missed?

This piece by our dear Audre Myers is a beautiful illustration of that phenomenon. That said, the series she’s reviewing—yes, as entire, decade-plus-long series—is arguably something more than mere pop culture. It may represent a work of television art.

The late aughts and early teens of this century saw a golden age of television as an art form. Outside the confines of a film’s ninety-or-so-minute runtime, television series have the luxury of developing characters across hundreds of hours of screen time and multiple seasons. Narratives can explore deeper complexity. Themes can be examined in all their glorious nuance.

I don’t want to give away Audre’s key insight about this show, but I’ll note that I think she is correct. Let me know what you think in the comments.

With that, here is Audre’s series retrospective of The Walking Dead:

Guest Post: By Special Request

30 November 202220 November 2022 The Portly Politico56 Comments

Our dear Audre Myers really is the gift that keeps on giving. After her excellent (and very well-received) post about the Idaho Bigfoot, she sent me a clip of audio of the Bigfoot’s “call.”

My intense love of music, coupled with my growing interest in Bigfoot and cryptozoology, prompted me to ask Audre to consider writing a piece “about the haunting song of the Bigfoot.”

Audre made some noises about doing her best, and I sat back, knowing—like the bloated editor I am—that she would pull through with another excellent post. I was right.

With that, here is Audre with “By Special Request”:

Myersvision: Eye on Idaho

16 November 20226 November 2022 The Portly Politico64 Comments

I’ve been clamoring for some beefy Bigfoot footage c/o our very own Audre Myers, and she’s satiated my cravings for all things cryptozoological—for now. If ever there were a better creature to represent manly, protein-rich snack foods, it would be Bigfoot—the perfect, hairy spokescritter for beef jerky.

Perhaps our insatiable lust for marketing is one reason why the great ape-man has been so aloof. Why reveal yourself to the modern world, a world in which everything, including one’s own identity, is a commodity to be bought, sold, traded, collateralized, and mortgaged? Better to pee naked and free in the forest than to put on a tie and punch in at eight o’clock for a shift in the cubiclized salt mines.

I imagine Bigfoot would be put to use doing more blue-collar work—lifting heavy objects, for example. But perhaps Bigfoot is smarter than we realize, if he’s managed to conceal himself from us for so long.

The other, obvious alternative—that he does not exist—is one I’d rather not entertain. Although dear Audre alleges that I like “to gently tease… and poke” her because of her “98% belief in bigfoot,” my interest in the topic—and my interest in her interest in the topic—is entirely sincere. Audre is a fascinating individual; her nearly-complete belief in Bigfoot is one of the qualities I find to be the most interesting about her!

But I digress. Audre’s shared up some tantalizing Bigfoot footage, straight outta Idaho. Read on:

Myersvision: Baking Impossible

9 November 20229 November 2022 The Portly Politico50 Comments

This time of year seems dedicated to the sweetest of pastimes: baking. We all love toothsome sweets, and the triple threat of Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas provides an ample casus belli for our bellies to consume large quantities of goodies.

But some take their passion for baking to another level entirely. For those of us who view baking as popping break-and-bake cookies into the oven and setting a timer, we can’t comprehend how bakers are able to do that with sugar, flour, and water.

Baking combined with engineering is the premise for the show Audre Myers is reviewing this week. If you want a cake with the structural integrity of an earthquake resistant building, then this series is where you’ll find it.

With that, here is Audre’s review of Baking Impossible:

Myersvision: Blown Away

2 November 202225 October 2022 The Portly Politico22 Comments

Reality television certainly has its low points: randy twenty-somethings hooking up in the hot tub; grown people humiliating themselves for cash; Sanjaya on American Idol.

Despite the format’s reputation for racing to the bottom, it does work well to highlight higher pursuits. There are so many unusual and intriguing jobs and skills out there, and there is a deep satisfaction—and profound fascination—that comes from witnessing a master practice his craft.

Such is the case with this week’s edition of Myersvision, in which regular reader and contributor Audre Myers shares with us a show about the intense, difficult, beautiful craft of glass-blowing.

With that, here is Audre Myers’s review of the Netflix series Blown Away:

Myersvision: The Final Table

28 October 202222 October 2022 The Portly Politico50 Comments

Sometime last week Audre Myers, a regular contributor of movie reviews and delightful miscellany to this site, sent me an e-mail asking if she could submit reviews of entire series of shows, not just movies. Audre actually did just that some time ago when she submitted a review of a season of Stranger Things, which I highly recommend you read.

Regardless, I of course told her yes—enthusiastically! I have a pretty open submission policy here, and I’d let an author as seasoned as Audre write about paint drying (she could probably make it entertaining!). Naturally, a Netflix series fits the bill.

Thus, I’m dubbing Audre’s Netflix/television reviews “Myersvision,” since I have a mania for turning everything into a series. Whenever Audre sends these along, I’ll schedule them under that title.

For the first installment, we have a review of a cooking show featuring the best of the best—not just self-promoting nuisances like on Chopped from Food Network (although they make some pretty awesome stuff on that show, too, there’s just usually one or two contestants who are ostentatiously self-confident and, therefore, annoying). I think readers will appreciate the twist to this show’s grand prize.

With that, here is Audre’s review of the Netflix series The Final Table:

Midweek Myers Movie Review: Signs (2002)

26 October 202226 October 2022 The Portly Politico20 Comments

Ah, the early 2000s. A chubby young Portly was still sweating his way through high school (and, from 2003-2006, college); America’s love affair with patriotism was in full swing; and M. Night Shyamalan was bringing The Twilight Zone-style stories to the big screen.

M. Night could do know wrong in those days. He’d scored a major success with The Sixth Sense (1999), the film that spawned the instantly iconic line “I see dead people.” Then his twists became progressively more schlocky and insulting, starting with The Village (2004). For many years, he was, like the intro to the television show that inspired his stories, spiraling, before mounting a comeback in the last decade.

But he was enjoying his salad days in the early aughts, and this week’s film is an example of Shyamalan during his early peak. I remember seeing this flick at the movie theater in the mall in Indianapolis, Indiana, on a church music trip, and found it quite enjoyable as the chubby, sweaty young man referenced in the opening paragraph of this introduction.

Well, enough of my puffing. Here is Audre Myers‘s review of 2002’s Signs:

Monday Morning Movie Review: Ponty’s Top Ten Best Films: #7: La La Land (2016)

24 October 202221 October 2022 The Portly Politico14 Comments

If readers thought my placement of 1983’s sci-fi/fantasy/swashbuckler Krull at #7 was shocking, this week’s #7 pick from Ponty will truly blow your staggered minds. From the man who just wrote about Halloween (1978), I’d never expect a splashy musical.

I remember seeing this flick back in 2016 on a date, and remember enjoying it (not just due to the excellent execution and story, but probably thanks to Emma Stone—shew!). Suddenly, my students wanted to play “City of Stars” all the time, and jazz piano enjoyed an all-too-brief resurgence.

Ponty gives it a very thorough review, as you’ll see, that really brings out some of the sparkling details of the film without spoiling anything. It probably also holds the distinction of being the only review of a film musical to reference Grand Theft Auto 5, so that should be worth something.

With that, here is Ponty’s review of 2016’s La La Land:

Ponty’s Friday Video Game Review: Little Nightmares 2

21 October 202211 October 2022 The Portly Politico18 Comments

What’s better than a spooky game about evading monstrous grotesqueries? A sequel to that game.

A review of that sequel is better still, and that is what good ol’ Ponty offers up today.

As I noted last Friday, I’ve owned Little Nightmares on Steam for some time now, but I haven’t fired it up yet. I doubt I will have had an opportunity to do so in the last week, but I’m hoping to dip into it (and some other games) soon enough. Ponty’s reviews have me itching to try both installments of this macabre little gem—and possibly to revive my dead-in-the-water Morrowednesdays segments.

There’s not much else to say, despite my increasingly legendary ability to write introductions. I’ll let Ponty take it from here; so with that, here is Ponty’s review of Little Nightmares 2:

The Portly Politico

One Southerner's unique, erudite, conservative perspective in a hectic world

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