Lazy Sunday CXXV: More Movies VII: Movie Reviews, Part VII

Well, tomorrow I head back to the real world—at least, as close to the real world as teaching gets—and the glorious freedom of summer ends.  I’ll likely spend today playing piano at church and watching crummy movies on Shudder.

That’s kind of a metaphor for the conundrum of summer vacation:  you get two months of completely unstructured time handed to you, then blow it all watching B-movies and taking naps.  I do think I had a more productive summer than usual, but many of my hoped-for projects—as usual—are incomplete, even un-started.

Oh, well.  It was still a good summer.  I loved living like a retiree for two months.

Anyway, on to the flicks!:

  • Monday Morning Movie Review: Still (2018)” – This movie is about a magical water source deep in the Appalachian Mountains that grants eternal youth to two jaded outlaws.  A young woman stumbles upon it, and is drawn into their weird world.
  • Monday Morning Movie Review: Suburban Gothic (2014)” – This flick is a fun, quirky comedy-horror.  The protagonist is a dude who looks and dresses like a gay man, but is just an eccentric weirdo.  When some Mexican contractors dig up a young girl’s grave and steal her necklace, some supernatural shenanigans start to go down.  Needless to say, this movie—which is only seven years old—could not be made today.
  • Monday Morning Movie Review: The Housemaid (2016)” – I very much enjoyed this Vietnamese-language film, which takes place during France’s failed attempt to hold onto its southeast Asian colony in the 1950s.  A young woman takes a job at a notoriously haunted rubber plantation and begins an affair with the wounded French captain and plantation owner.  The flick is all about revenge and colonialism, but don’t let that second point spoil it for you—it’s quite good.

That’s it for this Lazy Sunday, my last Sunday as a free man until June 2022.

Happy Sunday!

—TPP

Other Lazy Sunday Installments:

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Monday Morning Movie Review: Near Dark (1987)

August is an odd time be writing about vampires.  With the intense heat and humidity of the brutal South Carolina summer beating down upon us, it doesn’t feel like vampire weather.  But the crisp autumnal nights of October are closer than we realize, even if they seem impossible right now.

That said, the Southern vampire is a particular niche of Southern gothic horror.  All the mystery and romance of “moonlight and magnolias” is enhanced with these mysterious, romantic creatures stalking about crumbling old plantation houses in the night.  I’ve been reading Anne Rice’s novel Interview with the Vampire (the film version of which I reviewed last fall), and the titular vampire and narrator, Louis, is from Louisiana.  The exotic setting of New Orleans plays a prominent role in the first half of the book, and provides the perfect backdrop for Louis, Lestat, and Claudia’s lethal nocturnal escapades.

This week’s film, 1987’s Near Dark, isn’t exactly about Southern vampires, but Midwestern vampires.  That doesn’t exactly fit into the mold of the seductive, mysterious vampire, but that’s one of the film’s strengths:  these vampires are crazy Nebraskan (or Oklahoman?) low-lives, terrorizing the prairie in a aluminum-foil-covered panel van.

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Monday Morning Movie Review: She’s Allergic to Cats (2016)

Regular reader and Nebraska Energy Observer contributor Audre Myers frequently tells me that I am offering a valuable service by describing movies people should not see (if you agree with Audre, I take donations).  This Monday’s film, 2016’s She’s Allergic to Cats, likely qualifies, and I would like to apply it towards my contributions to humanity.

The description for the movie on Shudder.com reads thusly:

A lonely dog groomer in Hollywood searches for love, but his true passion is making weird video art that nobody understands. His menial routine spirals out of control when he meets the girl of his dreams, crossing boundaries between reality and fantasy as he dives deeper into his video experiments.

I guffawed as soon as I read the line “making weird video art that nobody understands.”  That sold me on the flick, which I actually found enjoyable, if baffling.

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Delayed Monday Morning Movie Review: Day of the Dead (1985)

After much delay, here is this week’s Monday Morning Movie Review of George A. Romero‘s 1985 zombie classic Day of the Dead (not to be confused with the festive Mexican holiday of the same name).

When I first pulled up the flick on Shudder, I was hoping for 1978’s Dawn of the Dead, the supposedly “fun” Romero Dead movie.  That’s the one with survivors of a zombie apocalypse live it up in a mall, enjoying all the materialism the late 1970s could afford.

Despite my efforts, though, I can’t seem to locate that flick on any streaming service I use, so Day of the Dead it was.  By now the trope of “humans are the real monsters” is familiar to viewers—and readers of virtually any Stephen King novel—but Day of the Dead delivers that trite message in a taut, unsettling way.

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Monday Morning Movie Review: Creepshow (1982)

I’ve been enjoying my Shudder membership immensely, and it’s pretty much become the main streaming service I watch when I’m viewing solo.  Needless to say, I’ve consumed a lot of movies on the service already, so brace yourselves for many horror movie reviews (as if I didn’t mostly write those already).

This week, I’m looking at the horror anthology Creepshow (1982).  Horror anthologies can vary in quality, with usually one very strong entry, and then some forgettable duds.  Creepshow, for the most part, beats the odds.

I don’t remember when I first saw Creepshow, but I was probably far too young.  What I do know is that some of its most iconic, comic-book-inspired images have stuck with me down to the present.  I didn’t even know they were from Creepshow until re-watching it all these years later, but they’ve been seared into my brain.

For example, the whole plot of “The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verrill“—which stars Stephen King in his first film role—has always stuck with me (indeed, I have an idea for a short story with a similar premise tentatively entitled “Yeast Man”):  the idiot farmer slowly succumbing to the weird alien plant.  Ted Danson’s submerged head in “Something to Tide You Over” is another memorable image, as is the flood of roaches entering the impossibly sanitized apartment in “They’re Creeping Up on You!

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Monday Morning Movie Review: The City of the Dead (1960)

Regular readers know that I have a penchant for schlocky horror movies.  Knowing this fact well, Audre Myers, a regular contributor at Nebraska Energy Observer and a frequent commenter on this site, e-mailed me last week with a recommendation to check out Shudder, the horror streaming service.  She isn’t the first to recommend the service—a colleague of mine has been singing the service’s praises for several months, but I kept putting it off for the same reason folks are slow to subscribe to my SubscribeStar page:  whenever I thought to sign up, I didn’t have the time to do so.

Regardless, Audre sent along a YouTube video by Jade The Libra, a woman dressed like a witch and talking about which stores tend to put out their Halloween decorations first.  Jade is some kind of Shudder affiliate, and entering promo code “JADE” gives new subscribers a free month of the service.

With that enticement—and without the lame excuse of lacking time—I signed up for the annual membership.  Since subscribing (just about five days ago), I have pretty much only watched Shudder.  If I weren’t paying a mere $2.15 a month for Hulu—and sharing it with three or four family members—I’d probably drop it entirely in favor of Shudder.  After all, other than Bob’s Burgers, I pretty much only watch horror and thriller films on Hulu (as well as plenty of weird sci-fi flicks).

But I digress.  That cloying endorsement of Shudder is my long way of introducing the subject of this week’s Monday Morning Movie Review, which is the second flick I viewed on the service.  The film is 1960’s The City of the Dead (known as Horror Hotel in the United States—I like the original title better), a story about a coven of witches who have taken over the town of Whitewood, Massachusetts.

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Monday Morning Movie Review: Life Like (2019)

Ever since watching 2012’s Robot & Frank, The Great Algorithm at Hulu has been sending more artificial intelligence and robot flicks my way.  Each of these movies grapple with the ethical and moral issues surrounding artificial intelligence, chiefly the idea of how human can it really become?  Can robots develop souls, emotions, etc.?

In the case of Robot & Frank, Frank largely anthropomorphized the robot, the same way many pet owners attribute human characteristics, thought processes, and motivations to their dogs and cats.  Just as a dog doesn’t think in the way we do, the titular Robot did not requite the emotional bond Frank had developed with the adorable tin can.

The featured film of this week’s review, Life Like (2019), explores those ideas further.  Instead of a cute, rounded robot, the androids of Life Like are, indeed, life-like:  designed to resemble perfect humans, and designed to make their owners happy—whatever that might require.

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Lazy Sunday CXVIII: More Movies VI: Movie Reviews, Part VI

Another week has rolled by, so it’s time for another Lazy Sunday—one so lazy, I’m sticking to the recent movie review theme.  I’m heading into a very busy week with a whopping sixteen tiny campers in Minecraft Camp, making it the largest such camp in the school’s history.  I’ve also got a full slate of lessons, including two new students, so I hope you’ll excuse some additional laziness today.

That said, here are three more Monday Morning Movie Reviews for your consideration:

  • Monday Morning Movie Review: Boss Level (2021)” – This flick—which features Mel Gibson as the chief villain—is a fun, action-packed romp through a quasi-video game scenario:  every time the protagonist dies, he starts the whole day over.
  • Monday Morning Movie Review: The Ghost Writer (2010)” – A political thriller about a thinly-veiled Tony Blair character writing his memoirs, The Ghost Writer is interesting and tense in spite of its holes.
  • Monday Morning Movie Review: High-Rise (2015)” – A sci-fi parable for classism in 1970s Britain, High-Rise stars Loki (Tom Hiddleston) as a man caught in the middle—socially and physically—of a high-tech tower rapidly descending into decadence and chaos.  Not a film for everyone, but it’s a good ride.

Happy Sunday!

—TPP

Other Lazy Sunday Installments:

Tip The Portly Politico:  Support quality commentary on politics, education, culture, and the arts with your one-time donation.

***NOTEThis link is NOT a subscription to my SubscribeStar Page; it is for a one-time donation/tip via PayPal. To subscribe to my SubscribeStar page, use this URL:   https://subscribestar.com/the-portly-politico***

Monday Morning Movie Review: Color Out of Space (2019)

My blogger buddy photog over at Orion’s Cold Fire I are both publishing our reviews of The Color Out of Space simultaneously.  You can read his screed against this cinematic butchering of the Lovecraft story here:  https://orionscoldfire.com/index.php/2021/06/14/color-out-of-space-2019-a-science-fiction-and-fantasy-movie-review/

A few weeks ago, my blogger buddy photog over at Orion’s Cold Fire wrote a brief blog post comparing Nicolas Cage to William Shatner.  In it, he announced that Nicolas Cage starred in an adaptation of an H.P. Lovecraft story, “The Colour Out of Space.”

Naturally, I immediately went to RedBox and (with a coupon code, of course) and rented The Color Out of Space on-demand.  As a fan of Lovecraft’s weird tales and Nicolas Cage’s weird acting, I had to see this film.

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Lazy Sunday CXVII: More Movies V: Movie Reviews, Part V

After a few weekends of diversion, it’s back to some movies this Lazy Sunday.  Continuing the retrospective of Monday Morning Movie Reviews, here are three more posts for your viewing pleasure:

  • Monday Morning Movie Review: The Little Things (2021)” – One of the few films I’ve seen on the big screen in The Age of The Virus, The Little Things (2021) is “a hidden gem”—a neo-noir detective flick starring Denzel Washington as Deke, an obsessed former police detective with an axe to grind over a series of unsolved serial murders.
  • Monday Morning Movie Review: Movie Round-Up I” – The first (and, to date, only) grab-bag of short film reviews, this round-up covered three films of various qualities and genres:  Eyes Wide Shut (1999), Enola Holmes (2020), and Murder Mystery (2019).  I enjoyed all three, to varying degrees and for different reasons.
  • Monday Morning Movie Review: You’re Next (2013)” – 2013’s You’re Next is a refreshingly taut suspense and horror film that I actually had seen some years earlier, before inadvertently—but fortuitously—watching it again.  It follows a wealthy family as they’re picked off, one by one, by a group of masked assassins.  It will keep you on the edge of your seat—and away from your windows.

That’s it for this cinematic Sunday.  Enjoy viewing these films!

Happy Sunday!

—TPP

Other Lazy Sunday Installments:

Tip The Portly Politico:  Support quality commentary on politics, education, culture, and the arts with your one-time donation.

***NOTEThis link is NOT a subscription to my SubscribeStar Page; it is for a one-time donation/tip via PayPal. To subscribe to my SubscribeStar page, use this URL:   https://subscribestar.com/the-portly-politico***