Yours portly got very portly over the last year. I struggle against two of life’s greatest delicacies: food and women. Without getting into too many specifics, the untimely implosion of involvement with a member of the latter led to a self-drugging with the former. Combined with the cold winter months, when all I want to do in the evenings is eat an entire pizza while watching horror movies, yours portly’s weight ballooned from around 235.5 pounds to a disgracefully fat 271.8 pounds in a matter of six months or so.
Being morbidly obese is certainly on-brand for this larger-than-life blog (and the chunky personality behind it), but it’s not exactly good for mental and physical health. I’d like for readers to continue to have something to read from me, so after months of overindulging, I’m finally taking steps to right the ship and throw some of the blubber overboard.
My solution is one I followed last summer, when I found myself in a similarly bechunked state (though not nearly as bechunked as I am now): intermittent fasting.
As a disclaimer, I’m not presenting this information as dieting or nutritional advice for other people. Do your own research, consult with your doctor, etc., etc., before undertaking any major changes in diet. If you drop dead from fasting a few hours each day, I’m not responsible.
That unpleasantness aside, I have found that intermittent fasting works quite well for me. There are tons of permutations of it, but I roughly follow the well-known 16:8 formula: fast for sixteen hours, eat mostly what you want the other eight hours. The theory is that fasting for sixteen hours gives the body’s major organs time to rest from digesting, and when one breaks the fast, one’s metabolism and other bodily functions can operate much more efficiently. The result is quicker burning of fat and calories.
Apparently, that’s all observably true, although I’m still skeptical. What I do know, however, is that fasting for sixteen hours vastly reduces my appetite, so that when I do eat, I eat smaller portions. If I do have a big dinner, for example, it’s usually offset by the fasting and the relatively smaller meal I ate earlier in the day.
In other words, intermittent fasting proves to be a mechanism for reducing my appetite and, therefore, my overall caloric intake. Coupled with a brisk walk (I have temporarily given up on running due to a.) the intense southern heat and b.) the pain it was causing to my knees), I’ve enjoyed an overall reduction in my daily caloric consumption, coupled with an increased burning of calories.
Ultimately, whenever I have lost weight—such as my 2011 Weight Loss Odyssey, which saw me drop over 100 pounds in about eleven months—it boils down to consuming fewer calories than I burn. When I lost all that weight in 2011, I did not intermittent fast, but I did religiously count calories, and kept my consumption to around 1500 calories a day.
What I find appealing about intermittent fasting, however, is that it makes everything easier. Counting calories is tedious, and it actually makes one more obsessed with food. When I have counted calories, I find that I am constantly thinking and planning about every crumb. With this approach, I don’t have to be quite so stringent.
I’ve heard claims (anecdotally) that “you can eat as much as you want” during the eight-hour non-fasting window. Again, I find this hard to believe. If I ate 7000 calories a day, even if I only limited it to an eight-hour window, I would still gain weight. I might not gain weight as quickly because of my (allegedly) more efficient metabolism, but I’d gain weight nonetheless.
Taken less literally and more generously, I think what people mean when they make that claim is that, “you can the foods you want” during that period. I have found this permutation of the claim to be true. At the time of writing (eight days before this post is published, or 20 July 2023), I’ve lost 6.6 pounds. That’s after roughly ten days of intermittent fasting and watching my intake. Granted, that will slow down substantially the more I lose, but during that time I’ve eaten ice cream, milkshakes, tacos, burgers, fries, lasagna, etc., etc. I’ve even broken the 16:8 rule a couple of times, having late dinners with my buddies after open mic. Maybe I’d have lost an even seven pounds if I’d been stricter, but who cares? Life is for living, and food is part of what makes life so sweet.
Again, to be clear, I have reduced my overall consumption. For one, I’ve cut out an entire meal (incidentally, my favorite meal of the day—breakfast!). That’s probably a savings of 300-600 calories, especially as I’d gotten into the bad habit of having a starch-heavy breakfast of grits and toast with peanut butter. Lunch usually consists of a turkey sandwich with cheese and some watermelon, or a couple of hot dogs. Dinner is typically the larger meal, and I cut loose with that a bit more.
I’ve been done with dinner around 6:30 or 7 PM most days, and don’t eat again until noon the following day (occasionally pushing it up to 11:30 AM, sometimes pushing it back to 1 PM, depending on my appetite). I start each morning drinking around thirty-two ounces of water as soon as I wake up (which is actually quite difficult, and if I do it too fast, I feel bloated for about fifteen minutes until the body absorbs that influx of hydration), then have two—occasionally three—cups of coffee throughout the morning. The coffee is a great appetite suppressant, as I usually do wake up a little hungry, especially after a big meal the previous night. Chugging water and chasing it with black coffee keeps the beast at bay.
Right now, the only challenge that concerns me is the resumption of the school year. In the early days of faculty meetings, they ply us (quite generously) with goodies, and it’s hard to resist “free” food. I also wake up much earlier, around 5:30 AM, about two hours earlier than my summertime 7:30 AM. It’s a lot easier to wait five hours for lunch as opposed to seven. I’m also far more active during the school year, to the point that I am usually famished by the time lunch rolls around. I also teach lessons during both lunch periods most days, which means I may not actually eat until 12:30, 1:30, or even 2:30 PM some days, depending on when (and if) I have an afternoon planning period. In theory, that should help me lose weight with the increase movement, but I have to be able to mentally overcome the cravings and have enough actual calories to make it through the day without being a zombie.
Regardless, I’m pleased with the direction things are going. Carrying around all of this extra weight has made many activities unpleasant, even miserable. I’m hoping that, if I can stay the course, I can drop weight healthily and steadily.
Take all of this with a grain of salt. Again, I’m not recommending this approach to anyone specifically; I’m merely reporting on what has worked for me. Your results may vary. For certain medical conditions or specialized diets, I imagine intermittent fasting could be detrimental.
For my part, though, it is a system that works, and unlike other dieting systems, it’s not so restrictive as to become unpleasant, burdensome, or tedious. Coupled with some light exercise (I’ll note now that I am not a heavy exercise guy), it helps me tremendously with my continuing battle against my own weaknesses.
The Portly Politico 
My Japanese housemate at university had a great way to keep the weight down – little and often. It worked for him but it wasn’t something I was overly interested in. For one, I’m not a little and often kind of guy. I only eat one meal a day and it’s usually a decent amount but back in my younger days, I could gorge happily all day.
When I went to university at the age of 23, I weighed 10 stone 4. After I picked up an injury playing football, my weight started to balloon; it didn’t help that I lived in close vicinity to a lot of takeaways and pubs with my room directly above an off license. I ate and drank too much but without the exercise, my weight went from just over ten stone to around the 16 stone mark, which is pretty much where I am today. The one problem with that is where it was easier for me to lose weight then (which I did – I went from 16 to 13 stone in a few months), it’s not so easy at 45 but it is very necessary. When you’re fat, your breathing isn’t that great and the most basic tasks become arduous.
The one plus is it doesn’t show as much as it would with a smaller person. I’m 6 foot 2 so it doesn’t show as much. I’ve figured out that if I’m not exercising like I should, the diet will keep my weight at a steady 15 1/2 to 16 and I won’t go higher. Keeping busy, whether writing or working, is a good way to keep your appetite, and the hunger, at bay and if you have a dog, like you do, you’ll be out and about quite a bit; good for your dog, good for you.
I understand why you’d flop and eat after a relationship breakdown. Depression. Some people will try to work through that, with others (and depending on your perception of that relationship), it’s a case of finding comfort in anything. Once you get past it, you can start identifying what you need to change in your life and if one of those things is weight, you’ll know what to do.
Trust me. You don’t want to get to my age at around 16 stone. It’s no fun.
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I both ate AND worked through the post-breakup depression (and it was, indeed, depression). I’m definitely trying to get down to a more reasonable “stone” (I’ve heard the expression, but never knew what it equated to in pounds; according to Bing!, it’s 14 pounds per stone). I’m not quite as tall as you, but I carry my pudge well. Lately, the love handles have expanded too aggressively.
I have heard the “little and often” idea, but have never had luck with that. Little too frequently becomes a lot, so it ends up being “a lot and often.” Not good! I’d rather have one large meal and one smaller meal, and get on with life.
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I’m with you on that. Little could quite easily become too much. Like I said, at the moment, Tina (who isn’t a big eater anyway) and I only have one meal per day (dinner), sometimes, but not often, brunch. Lack of exercise is the reason for my weight gain.
It’s strange. When I was younger, I was mega active. I ran long distance (or as you call it – in your book, when referring to your brother – long distance masochist!) for school, played football, rugby sometimes, tennis, badminton, hockey. I don’t do any of that anymore.
I think that if my brother lived closer, I’d probably be at a good weight for my height, say 14, 14 1/2 stone. Discipline is always an issue for me.
I’m glad you came out of your depression, by the way. When it takes hold properly, it can really do some damage.
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You must be fairly tall, Port – I would never have guessed your weight. You know you are inviting everybody’s ‘ideal diet’ suggestions with the post. Sigh. I have the answer but I won’t burden you with it. If, however, you begin to despair, let me know; we’ll chat. That being said, I congratulate you on your resolve and look forward to ‘closet clothes’ stories! (closet clothes – those items you love and can’t bear to part with and that are four sizes too small for you now)
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I am always open to dieting suggestions! Please, suggest away!
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Port!!! I just saw ‘Goth Girl Gigue’ as a ‘short’ on YT. Port! It’s BEAUTIFUL!!!!!
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Thank you, Audre! I appreciate your kind words!
If you’d like to spread my music, please consider sharing links to my YouTube videos far and wide. It would be greatly appreciated!
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I don’t know many people but I’ll share for sure!
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Do the Atkins diet. The new one (relatively speaking); not the original – too restrictive. In my 60s, I did the original and lost 105 pounds in just short of a year. All my blood work was excellent. Kept it off for over five years without trying to maintain the diet. Things changed; a lot of stress at work and home and my weight got out of hand again. Retired and kind of played around with the diet but not seriously paying attention to it and lost some weight. Then a really odd thing happened in 2020 – I lost my appetite. I’m now the smallest I’ve ever been – can’t wear my rings or bracelets because they fall off me. Don’t know what that’s about, lol, but I’m doing ok.
My younger sister (in her 60s) has lost 60 lbs. on Atkins with no exercise. My son went from 240 (he’s only 5’8″) and got down to 202 before he decided he liked his beer better than his waist line. The diet works for everyone who follows it. The key being ‘follows’.
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Thanks, Audre. I actually tried Atkins briefly in high school and it was pretty good. As you noted, I found it waaaay too restrictive.
Keto is the other low-carb/high-protein diet, and it apparently works well. But, again—too restrictive. What I like about fasting is that it reduces my appetite overall while still providing a diet that doesn’t require eliminating entire molecules and food groups. : D
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Very interesting read! I almost want to consider it myself now!
I do prefer exercising in the mornings though, so I do need something small before that. But ideally, I like to have breakfast around 10 and skip lunch.
That much water does make me sweat though. I have tried it a couple of times and it did see the benefits. Weight dropped, skin was clear. But I was constantly running to the toilet 😅 and it just became inconvenient
But maybe I can start slow with the drinking water and gradually build it up….
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Thanks, Andrea! I appreciate you leaving a comment.
I really should incorporate more exercise. It’s so brutally hot and humid in South Carolina in the summer that I avoid being outside as much as possible. That necessarily limits my physical activity, as I’m not running around school like I would during the year.
Hahaha, yes, the bathroom thing is a bit inconvenient. I apparently have a massive bladder, lol. I think working up to it gradually is a smart idea.
Ultimately, you have to do what works for you and is sustainable. The sustainability is key. I briefly went through a period of waking up an hour earlier so I could take a morning run of about twenty minutes. It was great, but unsustainable with my schedule.
I struggle during the school year with intermittent fasting, because my body and mind are using up so many resources in the morning, I get famished. This last school year I often didn’t have a lunch break and never had an afternoon planning during which I could eat something, so I’d end up overdoing it at breakfast, then be famished when I’d get home at night and overeat again. D’oh! So I’m hoping this year my class schedule is more conducive to maintaining my morning fast.
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