Yours portly got very portly over the last year. I struggle against two of life’s greatest delicacies: food and women. Without getting into too many specifics, the untimely implosion of involvement with a member of the latter led to a self-drugging with the former. Combined with the cold winter months, when all I want to do in the evenings is eat an entire pizza while watching horror movies, yours portly’s weight ballooned from around 235.5 pounds to a disgracefully fat 271.8 pounds in a matter of six months or so.
Being morbidly obese is certainly on-brand for this larger-than-life blog (and the chunky personality behind it), but it’s not exactly good for mental and physical health. I’d like for readers to continue to have something to read from me, so after months of overindulging, I’m finally taking steps to right the ship and throw some of the blubber overboard.
My solution is one I followed last summer, when I found myself in a similarly bechunked state (though not nearly as bechunked as I am now): intermittent fasting.
As a disclaimer, I’m not presenting this information as dieting or nutritional advice for other people. Do your own research, consult with your doctor, etc., etc., before undertaking any major changes in diet. If you drop dead from fasting a few hours each day, I’m not responsible.
That unpleasantness aside, I have found that intermittent fasting works quite well for me. There are tons of permutations of it, but I roughly follow the well-known 16:8 formula: fast for sixteen hours, eat mostly what you want the other eight hours. The theory is that fasting for sixteen hours gives the body’s major organs time to rest from digesting, and when one breaks the fast, one’s metabolism and other bodily functions can operate much more efficiently. The result is quicker burning of fat and calories.
Apparently, that’s all observably true, although I’m still skeptical. What I do know, however, is that fasting for sixteen hours vastly reduces my appetite, so that when I do eat, I eat smaller portions. If I do have a big dinner, for example, it’s usually offset by the fasting and the relatively smaller meal I ate earlier in the day.
In other words, intermittent fasting proves to be a mechanism for reducing my appetite and, therefore, my overall caloric intake. Coupled with a brisk walk (I have temporarily given up on running due to a.) the intense southern heat and b.) the pain it was causing to my knees), I’ve enjoyed an overall reduction in my daily caloric consumption, coupled with an increased burning of calories.
Ultimately, whenever I have lost weight—such as my 2011 Weight Loss Odyssey, which saw me drop over 100 pounds in about eleven months—it boils down to consuming fewer calories than I burn. When I lost all that weight in 2011, I did not intermittent fast, but I did religiously count calories, and kept my consumption to around 1500 calories a day.
What I find appealing about intermittent fasting, however, is that it makes everything easier. Counting calories is tedious, and it actually makes one more obsessed with food. When I have counted calories, I find that I am constantly thinking and planning about every crumb. With this approach, I don’t have to be quite so stringent.
I’ve heard claims (anecdotally) that “you can eat as much as you want” during the eight-hour non-fasting window. Again, I find this hard to believe. If I ate 7000 calories a day, even if I only limited it to an eight-hour window, I would still gain weight. I might not gain weight as quickly because of my (allegedly) more efficient metabolism, but I’d gain weight nonetheless.
Taken less literally and more generously, I think what people mean when they make that claim is that, “you can the foods you want” during that period. I have found this permutation of the claim to be true. At the time of writing (eight days before this post is published, or 20 July 2023), I’ve lost 6.6 pounds. That’s after roughly ten days of intermittent fasting and watching my intake. Granted, that will slow down substantially the more I lose, but during that time I’ve eaten ice cream, milkshakes, tacos, burgers, fries, lasagna, etc., etc. I’ve even broken the 16:8 rule a couple of times, having late dinners with my buddies after open mic. Maybe I’d have lost an even seven pounds if I’d been stricter, but who cares? Life is for living, and food is part of what makes life so sweet.
Again, to be clear, I have reduced my overall consumption. For one, I’ve cut out an entire meal (incidentally, my favorite meal of the day—breakfast!). That’s probably a savings of 300-600 calories, especially as I’d gotten into the bad habit of having a starch-heavy breakfast of grits and toast with peanut butter. Lunch usually consists of a turkey sandwich with cheese and some watermelon, or a couple of hot dogs. Dinner is typically the larger meal, and I cut loose with that a bit more.
I’ve been done with dinner around 6:30 or 7 PM most days, and don’t eat again until noon the following day (occasionally pushing it up to 11:30 AM, sometimes pushing it back to 1 PM, depending on my appetite). I start each morning drinking around thirty-two ounces of water as soon as I wake up (which is actually quite difficult, and if I do it too fast, I feel bloated for about fifteen minutes until the body absorbs that influx of hydration), then have two—occasionally three—cups of coffee throughout the morning. The coffee is a great appetite suppressant, as I usually do wake up a little hungry, especially after a big meal the previous night. Chugging water and chasing it with black coffee keeps the beast at bay.
Right now, the only challenge that concerns me is the resumption of the school year. In the early days of faculty meetings, they ply us (quite generously) with goodies, and it’s hard to resist “free” food. I also wake up much earlier, around 5:30 AM, about two hours earlier than my summertime 7:30 AM. It’s a lot easier to wait five hours for lunch as opposed to seven. I’m also far more active during the school year, to the point that I am usually famished by the time lunch rolls around. I also teach lessons during both lunch periods most days, which means I may not actually eat until 12:30, 1:30, or even 2:30 PM some days, depending on when (and if) I have an afternoon planning period. In theory, that should help me lose weight with the increase movement, but I have to be able to mentally overcome the cravings and have enough actual calories to make it through the day without being a zombie.
Regardless, I’m pleased with the direction things are going. Carrying around all of this extra weight has made many activities unpleasant, even miserable. I’m hoping that, if I can stay the course, I can drop weight healthily and steadily.
Take all of this with a grain of salt. Again, I’m not recommending this approach to anyone specifically; I’m merely reporting on what has worked for me. Your results may vary. For certain medical conditions or specialized diets, I imagine intermittent fasting could be detrimental.
For my part, though, it is a system that works, and unlike other dieting systems, it’s not so restrictive as to become unpleasant, burdensome, or tedious. Coupled with some light exercise (I’ll note now that I am not a heavy exercise guy), it helps me tremendously with my continuing battle against my own weaknesses.