Myersvision: Million Pound Menu

30 December 202217 December 2022 The Portly Politico1 Comment

Readers are getting a double dose of Myersvision this week, because had I stuck to the usual schedule of posting our dear Audre‘s pieces on Wednesdays, this plucky little review would have been left until midway through January 2023, and I can’t keep it from you (or Audre) that long.

Audre possesses a love for shows that require people performing at the height of their abilities in stressful situations, often with hard cash on the line. This show sounds exactly like that, with an added twist: the hopes and dreams of the would-be restauranteurs involved are also on the line.

Having money to invest is, surely, a wonderful thing, but it comes with the burden of investing it wisely. We have all heard stories of friends or distant relations who made a good investment that reaped dividends in the long-run. We’ve also heard the alternatives, where some poor cousin—usually hoping to get rich quick—has blown his savings on a buddy’s llama farm.

What makes this show sound particularly compelling is that the investors are not mega-wealthy, the types that can afford to lose a cool mill or two and not worry about their Ferrari getting repossessed. These are people that we might call “country comfortable” that have some quid to toss around, but they can’t afford to see it all lost in a failed specialty grilled cheese restaurant in London.

Well, I’ve said too much, and prattled on too long—I think my introduction is now longer than Audre’s piece. D’oh!

With that, here is Audre’s review of Million Pound Menu:

Myersvision: A Very Portly Christmas: It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)

28 December 202217 December 2022 The Portly Politico22 Comments

We’re wrapping up our run of Christmas movie reviews with Audre. Perhaps I’m saving the best for last; I imagine old Pontifex Maximus would agree.

Audre considers this film a treasure, one that is meant to be admired, not picked over, lest in the picking it lose its luster. It’s an astute assessment from a very wise woman.

I won’t say more and let Audre do the talking.

With that, here is Audre’s review of 1946’s It’s a Wonderful Life:

A Very Portly Christmas: Ponty’s Review: It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)

23 December 202217 December 2022 The Portly Politico6 Comments

It’s a Wonderful Life (1946) is one of those films that holds a special place in the hearts of millions, myself among them. I’ll never forget watching it one Christmas night on the floor of my paternal grandfather’s den, he in his recliner, my cousins and myself on our bellies. Implausibly, I was allowed to stay and watch it while my parents took my brothers home (we lived probably twenty or thirty minutes away at the time, and my mom loathed the inefficiency of multiple trips anywhere—a thrifty trait I have inherited), and my dad came and picked me up afterwards. I was happy and utterly exhausted, but I’ll never forget that good old mom made me take a bath anyway, even though I could barely keep my eyes open.

Ask anyone who has seen this film, especially in childhood, and they’ll have a similar story. Ponty relates his own tale in this wonderful review, and it’s something that contributes to the timeless and heartwarming quality of the flick. It’s a Wonderful Life is not just a movie, but an experience, something shared across generations, and indelibly linked, for as long as film as a medium exists, to Christmas and family and love.

With that, here is Ponty’s review of 1946’s It’s a Wonderful Life:

Myersvision: A Very Portly Christmas: A Christmas Carol (1951)

21 December 202217 December 2022 The Portly Politico10 Comments

Now it’s Audre’s turn to dive into 1951’s A Christmas Carol. She does so with her typical childlike wonder, coupled with her deep appreciation for the source material. I can also relate to fifteen-year old Audre, spending a lazy, hot day reading a book that takes place in cold weather.

From the sounds of the review, it seems Audre might have watched the colorized version, which is on Amazon Prime as Scrooge, its title in England. Amazon does have the film under its American title (A Christmas Carol) in black and white for you purists out there. Unlike Audre, I—ever the cheapskate—did manage to find a free version on YouTube, though now I have to wonder if that’s a pirated version—d’oh! Swashbuckling is cool, but intellectual property theft is not; that said, I imagine any royalties from this film are going to the ungrateful heirs of whoever produced it. Still, let your conscience be your guide.

With that, here is Audre’s review of A Christmas Carol:

A Very Portly Christmas: Ponty’s Review: A Christmas Carol (1951)

16 December 202215 December 2022 The Portly Politico11 Comments

Good old Ponty made a proposal (not an indecent one involving Tina and a million dollars, fortunately) that he, Audre Myers, and myself write reviews of two classic Christmas films, the 1951 adaption of A Christmas Carol and the 1946 classic It’s a Wonderful Life. I’m dubbing this series A Very Portly Christmas. Cue the French horns and the sweater vests.

While I imagine we’ll all have quite positive things to say about these time-honored Christmas classics, our hope is that we’ll each see and take something different from the films, and our shades of perspective will reveal to readers previously unseen hues and details.

Or we’ll end up with three remarkably similar reviews and it will make for dull, repetitive reading. Such are the risks of blogging, eh? But knowing these two characters, I doubt that will be the case. All I know is I’ve got to get crackin’ on my homework—It’s a Wonderful Life is over two hours long!

But I digress. Ponty is kicking us off this Christmas season, and, boy, what a great way to start! I think you’ll find his review as insightful and engaging as I did.

With that, here is Ponty’s review of 1951’s A Christmas Carol:

Myersvision: The Walking Dead

7 December 202229 November 2022 The Portly Politico16 Comments

What happens when you consume the same piece of pop culture so many times, you peel back the layers of rotted flesh to discover hidden depths that, on first glance, you missed?

This piece by our dear Audre Myers is a beautiful illustration of that phenomenon. That said, the series she’s reviewing—yes, as entire, decade-plus-long series—is arguably something more than mere pop culture. It may represent a work of television art.

The late aughts and early teens of this century saw a golden age of television as an art form. Outside the confines of a film’s ninety-or-so-minute runtime, television series have the luxury of developing characters across hundreds of hours of screen time and multiple seasons. Narratives can explore deeper complexity. Themes can be examined in all their glorious nuance.

I don’t want to give away Audre’s key insight about this show, but I’ll note that I think she is correct. Let me know what you think in the comments.

With that, here is Audre’s series retrospective of The Walking Dead:

Guest Post: By Special Request

30 November 202220 November 2022 The Portly Politico28 Comments

Our dear Audre Myers really is the gift that keeps on giving. After her excellent (and very well-received) post about the Idaho Bigfoot, she sent me a clip of audio of the Bigfoot’s “call.”

My intense love of music, coupled with my growing interest in Bigfoot and cryptozoology, prompted me to ask Audre to consider writing a piece “about the haunting song of the Bigfoot.”

Audre made some noises about doing her best, and I sat back, knowing—like the bloated editor I am—that she would pull through with another excellent post. I was right.

With that, here is Audre with “By Special Request”:

Myersvision: Eye on Idaho

16 November 20226 November 2022 The Portly Politico32 Comments

I’ve been clamoring for some beefy Bigfoot footage c/o our very own Audre Myers, and she’s satiated my cravings for all things cryptozoological—for now. If ever there were a better creature to represent manly, protein-rich snack foods, it would be Bigfoot—the perfect, hairy spokescritter for beef jerky.

Perhaps our insatiable lust for marketing is one reason why the great ape-man has been so aloof. Why reveal yourself to the modern world, a world in which everything, including one’s own identity, is a commodity to be bought, sold, traded, collateralized, and mortgaged? Better to pee naked and free in the forest than to put on a tie and punch in at eight o’clock for a shift in the cubiclized salt mines.

I imagine Bigfoot would be put to use doing more blue-collar work—lifting heavy objects, for example. But perhaps Bigfoot is smarter than we realize, if he’s managed to conceal himself from us for so long.

The other, obvious alternative—that he does not exist—is one I’d rather not entertain. Although dear Audre alleges that I like “to gently tease… and poke” her because of her “98% belief in bigfoot,” my interest in the topic—and my interest in her interest in the topic—is entirely sincere. Audre is a fascinating individual; her nearly-complete belief in Bigfoot is one of the qualities I find to be the most interesting about her!

But I digress. Audre’s shared up some tantalizing Bigfoot footage, straight outta Idaho. Read on:

Myersvision: Baking Impossible

9 November 20229 November 2022 The Portly Politico25 Comments

This time of year seems dedicated to the sweetest of pastimes: baking. We all love toothsome sweets, and the triple threat of Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas provides an ample casus belli for our bellies to consume large quantities of goodies.

But some take their passion for baking to another level entirely. For those of us who view baking as popping break-and-bake cookies into the oven and setting a timer, we can’t comprehend how bakers are able to do that with sugar, flour, and water.

Baking combined with engineering is the premise for the show Audre Myers is reviewing this week. If you want a cake with the structural integrity of an earthquake resistant building, then this series is where you’ll find it.

With that, here is Audre’s review of Baking Impossible:

Myersvision: Blown Away

2 November 202225 October 2022 The Portly Politico11 Comments

Reality television certainly has its low points: randy twenty-somethings hooking up in the hot tub; grown people humiliating themselves for cash; Sanjaya on American Idol.

Despite the format’s reputation for racing to the bottom, it does work well to highlight higher pursuits. There are so many unusual and intriguing jobs and skills out there, and there is a deep satisfaction—and profound fascination—that comes from witnessing a master practice his craft.

Such is the case with this week’s edition of Myersvision, in which regular reader and contributor Audre Myers shares with us a show about the intense, difficult, beautiful craft of glass-blowing.

With that, here is Audre Myers’s review of the Netflix series Blown Away:

The Portly Politico

One Southerner's unique, erudite, conservative perspective in a hectic world

Tag: guest contributor