Hollywood is in a weird place right now.  All of the major franchises and studios are bombing at the theaters.  The Marvel Cinematic Universe used to be a money-printing machine; now, it’s dropping like Iron Man in Avengers: Endgame (2019).  Disney is sinking faster than The Little Mermaid‘s hometown.  Star Wars is exploding as if a couple of proton torpedoes hit its reactor core.

At the same time, there have been some major prestige films that have done well with critics and audiences alike.  Oppenheimer (2023) became a cultural phenomenon due to its release alongside Barbie (2023).  Martin Scorsese’s Killers of the Flower Moon (2023) is earning accolades.

Now there’s another nearly-three-hour-long flick charging cinemas, and it’s quite good:  Ridley Scott’s Napoleon (2023).

Napoleon is not perfect.  Like most movies now, it’s long, although for this kind of sweeping epic, I don’t clinching my bladder for an extra hour to see Napoleon nearly conquer Europe.  But there are some other issues, mainly of the variety that are common in historical dramas:  the script taking liberties with key events (Napoleon did not lead a charge at Waterloo, for example); some embellishments of the details of important battles; Napoleon snorting like a hungry piglet as he prepares to bang Josephine underneath a table (who’s to say it never happened, huh?).

The best “critical”/slightly negative treatment I’ve seen of the film is from The Critical Drinker:

His objections are valid, but I have to disagree with him on the whole (which is rare—his opinion on a film usually fits with my own).  I do agree that this flick would have been even better as a ten-part miniseries or the like, but it was probably the best film about Napoleon that could be made today.

Drinker takes objection to the confused portrayal of Napoleon and Josephine’s relationship, pointing to Napoleon being at times terrifying and domineering, then simpering like a, well, simp a few seconds later.  I disagree with this assessment; it actually feels very realistic, and exactly what a dysfunctional but passionate relationship looks like.

Here’s a good example:  Napoleon is outraged to discover his relatively new bride carrying on with a young French stud, and goes so far as to desert his campaign in Egypt to return to France to set her straight.  He is brutish, intense, almost violent—very much like a man who has been humiliated, both publicly and privately (word of the affair is all over French newspapers).  Josephine is duly chastened, but the ever-wily femme fatale knows she has Napoleon’s heart—and Napoleon knows it, too.  So we see the whiplash to Napoleon simpering at his bride’s side.

That kind of breakneck shift in tone and power dynamics (to borrow a phrase from the despised French “intellectual” and child diddler Michel Foucault) is extremely emblematic of a toxic relationship, so it is, therefore, quite believable.  Calling Napoleon and Josephine’s relationship “toxic” doesn’t quite sum it up, though; there is a genuine affection between them, as well as the realization that both benefits from the other.  Josephine enjoys an extremely lavish life, with access to power and wealth beyond the imagining of any other woman living at the time.  Napoleon earns a certain bewildered respect for having bagged a well-connected, aristocratic babe, one with whom he is genuinely obsessed.

That connection between the two makes their inevitable divorce—Josephine is unable to bear Napoleon an heir, which he needs desperately as Emperor of France—heartbreaking to witness.  When Josephine hesitates to sign the divorce decree, Napoleon violently slaps her in the face, shakes her by her shoulders, and hisses at her to sign, saying, “You’re doing it for your country.”  That scene says so much about Josephine and Napoleon’s relationship, but also about the depth of Napoleon’s dedication to France.

There is, of course, more to Napoleon than the infamous relationship between Napoleon and his first wife.  There are battles—very well-shot and bloody ones, too.  Eighteenth- and nineteenth-century Continental warfare was brutal, in spite of what the glamorous and dashing uniforms suggest.  I’ve seen tons of war movies, or movies depicting war, but Napoleon is the first that really got to me.  At the siege of Toulon, for example, Napoleon’s horse is shot clear into his chest just as Napoleon mounts it.  The horse explodes in flesh and guts.  At Austerlitz, fleeing Austrian soldiers are trapped beneath an icy lake as Napoleon’s artillery burst holes through the ice.  Plumes of blood swell up in the water.  Napoleon’s retreat from Russia demonstrates the privation and deadliness of the Russian winter.

The film gives a wonderful sense, too, of the chess-like nature of this style of warfare, with troop engagements timed with precision, and attacks, counterattacks, flanks, etc., moving and attacking at Napoleon’s command.  The Battle of Waterloo is impressive, with the Duke of Wellington’s men forming tight anti-cavalry formations that pulse and weave like a marching band halftime show.

Joaquin Phoenix is well-cast here.  He looks like Napoleon.  It takes an odd and enigmatic figure to capture the quirks of a sui generis genius like Napoleon, and Phoenix fits the bill (and the hat) nicely.  That said, there are times when his performance feels bored and muttering.  That works well at times, but it makes Napoleon a tad unpredictable.  I think the Drinker took that as evidence of poor acting or casting, but I think it further demonstrates the complexity of Napoleon.

As much as the film is about Napoleon, it is also about Josephine, portrayed powerfully by Vanessa Kirby.  Here is a woman that is well aware of her physical and social assets, and she uses them to advance her interests and those of her husband, even when she’s literally and figuratively screwing around behind his back.  Kirby’s portrayal captures the sheer sex appeal of Josephine, a woman who was known for her voracious sexual appetite.  But she is not merely a sexual prize for Napoleon to conquer; she is the strength behind his rule, even after their divorce.  Even when she undermines him, she someone supports him.

I highly recommend this film.  Leave your historical quibbles at the door.  Just make sure to use the bathroom before heading into the theater.