Tag: review

Monday Morning Movie Review: Beastmaster (1982)

The Portly Politico1 Comment

Yours portly is a sucker for old-school sword and sorcery stories:  loin-cloth-clad barbarians; pseudo-Sumerian cults; wicked witches; feisty damsels; ferrets.  1982’s The Beastmaster has them all (that’s an Amazon Affiliate link; I receive a portion of any purchases made through that link, at no additional cost to you).

This film was on cable all the time when I was a kid, although I think its heyday was passing by the early 1990s.  According to the film’s Wikipedia entry, HBO played it so frequently that people joked that “HBO” stood for “Hey, Beastmaster’s On.”  We didn’t have HBO (except for those free weekends they would do sometimes, and then we were forbidden from watching it), but the same entry notes that TBS played it enough to be called “The Beastmaster Station.”  That’s probably where I first saw the flick.

Regardless, the film made an impression.  Coming of age with He-Man action figures, I couldn’t help but equate He-Man with Dar, the titular Beastmaster himself.  They look and dress the same; both have a scantily-clad girlfriend; and both have a pet panther that aids them in battle.

More importantly, the essential elements of what I would come to recognize as “low” fantasy, pulpy sword-and-sorcery were all there.  The trope of a free and wild rustic using only his sword, his wits, and his animal companions against an entrenched and powerful wizard turns up frequently in low fantasy, notably in the classic Conan stories.  The early 1980s was awash in celluloid adaptations of these stories, which meant that late-1980s and early-1990s cable showed them frequently.

So, what of The Beastmaster itself?  It’s a great film, not for any deep artistic merit or innovative camera work, but because it’s fun while also creating a clear sense of dread (which is probably why it is currently on Shudder, where I watched it).

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TBT: Short Sax Starter Pack Recommendation

The Portly Politico5 Comments

Note:  this post contains several Amazon Affiliate links.  I receive a portion of any purchases made through these links, at no additional cost to you.

My students and I are back at the SCISA Music Festival this morning, and yours portly has a saxophone gig tonight.  As such, it seemed like a good time to look back at my “Short Sax Starter Pack Recommendation” post from 12 March 2025—one year ago today!

The thrust of last year’s post was that, for under $400, you can purchase a decent—not great, but serviceable—alto saxophone.  Indeed, I’m playing at this very same saxophone tonight:

Here are the updated prices for the items I listed last year; remarkably, the price is lower than a year ago; however, Slade seems to be phasing out the horn, as there is only one sax available at the time of writing:

Grand Total:  $290.67 (down $33.18 from the typical price in 2025) before taxes

With that, here is 12 March 2025’s “Short Sax Starter Pack Recommendation“:

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Monday Morning Movie Review: Wuthering Heights (2026)

The Portly Politico8 Comments

Dr. Wife and I went to see Emerald Fennell’s adaptation/reinterpretation of Wuthering Heights (2026) the other weekend after a long day of lugging our stuff to our new home.  The director’s name—which sounds like a extremely colorful spice—should give some insight into what the film was like.  I’ve never read Emily Brontë novel—yes, literature girls, you can sacrifice me to Emily Dickinson—but Dr. Wife had, so she filled me in some of the details.

The original novel is the bleak tale of a doomed romance denied by the strictures of propriety, social class, and cash.  The movie is an excessively plodding first act that culminates in twenty minutes of sexual depravity followed by a tragic death.

The film is gaining notoriety because it’s smut.  My wife kept calling it “Wuthering Glutes,” and we had fun making jokes involving the word “wuthering” and other anatomical features.  The popular consensus is correct:  it is basically an excuse for a swarthy heartthrob to assert his will over Margot Robbie while women swoon lustily.

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Monday Morning Movie Review: Ponty Praises “24”

The Portly Politico15 Comments

Just a heads-up:  this review contains a lot of Amazon Affiliate links.  I receive a portion of any purchases made through these links, at no additional cost to you. —TPP

Good ol’ Ponty sent over an unexpected treat:  this excellent review of the early 2000s hit television series 24—at least, it’s his review of the first three seasons, along with his initial impressions of the fourth.

I remember when this show debuted.  It was the perfect show for the War on Terror, back when that conflict still enjoyed some popular support among the American people.  It was quintessentially Bush-era American:  a brave lone warrior, coupled with a good counter-terrorism team, found the terrorists, while also resorting to (and often being the victim of) “enhanced interrogation techniques.”  It was a time when we wanted terrorists, both on-screen and in real life, to get roughed up indiscriminately, “human rights” be damned!

24 delivered.  I hadn’t thought of the show much since those halcyon—and, it turns out, dying—days of cable television until Ponty sent along this review.  So come bask with us in those pre-Great Recession days, when it seemed like maybe we could actually install functioning, Western-style democracies in the Middle East.

With that, here is Ponty’s review of the television series 24:

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SubscribeStar Saturday: Epic Universe: Super Mario World

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Today’s post is a SubscribeStar Saturday exclusive.  To read the full post, subscribe to my SubscribeStar page for $1 a month or more.  For a full rundown of everything your subscription gets, click here.

My family and I took our annual-ish trip to Universal Studios earlier this week (Dr. Wife, sadly, is still in the depths of residency, so she was unable to join us).  This year’s trip was a bit different from those of yesteryear, however:  we visited Universal’s new park, Epic Universe, on our last day in Orlando.

Epic Universe has been in the works for years, and suffered (I believe) some delays due to The Age of The Virus.  The wait and the delays were worth it—it was truly, as my younger brother put it, the “theme park of the twenty-first century.”

The premise behind Epic Universe is that a central hub of celestial-themed rides and attractions leads to various “universes” or worlds.  Each one is accessed through a portal, and once you’re in one of the worlds, you are in it.  You can’t see the other worlds or the main hub until you leave that specific world.  Instead of areas blending together gradually, they’re distinct little pocket universes.

That separation greatly enhances the immersion.  When we were in Super Mario World—the subject of today’s post—it felt like we were inhabiting the world of Super Mario Brothers.  When we were in Dark Universe, the monster world, it was like being in an old Universal or Hammer horror flick.  The Harry Potter Ministry of Magic was akin to walking the streets of Paris—and so on.

Epic Universe consists of four separate worlds:  Super Mario World; Dark Universe; the Ministry of Magic (Paris); and the Island of Berk, from the How to Train Your Dragon film franchise.  There is also the Celestial Park hub area, which features the park’s signature coaster, Starlight Racers, and a celestial carousel at the center.

Today, I want to dive into the first of these worlds, the world of Mario, Luigi, Peach, Toad, Bowser, and the rest—Super Mario World.

To read the rest of this post, subscribe to my SubscribeStar page for $1 a month or more.

Monday Morning Movie Review: Superbowl Halftime Show

The Portly Politico12 Comments

After a long day in the parks we got back to our rooms last night and settled in for sub sandwiches and television.  I had forgotten that the Super Bowl was airing last night, but my older brother did not, and he had the game on in our room.  While I rested and unpacked, the game entered halftime, featuring the infamous Puerto Rican rapper Bad Bunny, began to unfold.

By the end of the show—or by the point I stopped watching to get dinner in the other rooms—I was convinced that we needed to grant Puerto Rico its independence (while probably maintaining some naval bases there or the like).  It was the least American halftime show I’ve ever seen.

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Monday Morning Movie Review: 28 Days Later (2002)

The Portly Politico4 Comments

The next film in the 28 [Unit of Time] series, 28 Years Later: The Bone Temple hits theaters this weekend, and yours portly is hoping that Dr. Wife and I can squeeze in a matinee showing this Saturday.  It also seems that Shudder has a couple of the earlier films on its service, including 28 Days Later (2002), which I stayed up late last night to finish watching.

I wasn’t sure I had seen this flick before, but several of the key scenes did click with me (like the father getting a single drop of infected blood in his eye, causing him to go made with the Rage virus).  I have seen it, but I’d forgotten most of the major plot points and the ending.  With the new film releasing this weekend, it was a good opportunity to refresh my memory (Shudder also has 28 Weeks Later [2007], which I watched recently as well).  I’d forgotten what a great film it is.

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Memorable Monday Morning Movie Review: Portly’s Top Ten Best Films: #3: The Thing (1982)

The Portly Politico12 Comments

In late 2022 through early 2023, Ponty and I did an exhaustive rundown of our Top Ten Favorite Films.  His was very thoughtful and deliberate; mine was more or less picking through flicks I had in my DVD collection.

That said, I did put some thought into my Top Three, and this flick definitely deserves its slot.

Another note:  I know I’ve been recycling movie reviews a lot this month, so thanks for bearing with me.  Dr. Wife and I have been moving and taking care of all sorts of other tasks while we have some precious time off together, so the blog has—as it so often does—fallen onto the backburner.  She and I watched 1984’s Gremlins last week, however, so I’m looking forward to reviewing that soon.

But I digress.  With that, here is 30 January 2023’s “Monday Morning Movie Review: Portly’s Top Ten Best Films: #3: The Thing (1982)“:

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Memorable Monday Morning Movie Review: A Very Portly Christmas: It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)

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With Christmas just a few days, I’m continuing to look back to Christmas movie reviews of yesteryear.  Today, I’m reflecting on what might be the quintessential Christmas movie, 1946’s It’s a Wonderful Life (that’s an Amazon Affiliate link; I receive a portion of every purchase made through that link, at no additional cost to you).

I have a vivid early memory of watching the movie on Christmas night at my late paternal grandparents’ house, and staying up very late to finish it.  My Papa was sitting in his recliner, and my cousins and I were on the floor.  It’s wild to consider that a black-and-white film could hold the attention of a roomful of rambunctious younguns, but that speaks to the quality and the magic of this film.

With that, here is 29 December 2022’s “Delayed Monday Morning Movie Review: A Very Portly Christmas: It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)“:

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Memorable Monday Morning Movie Review: Nefarious (2023)

The Portly Politico4 Comments

Last year, when Dr. Wife was still Dr. Girlfriend, we sat down and watched an incredible movie exploring demonic possession and spiritual warfare.

That film was 2023’s Nefarious (that’s an Amazon Affiliate link; I receive a portion of any purchases made through that link, at no additional cost to you).  It’s one of the best films I’ve seen in years, and it’s an overtly Christian film (without making it feel like it’s overtly Christian).  It’s an excellent example of how Christians can make compelling art that espouses our beliefs culturally.

With that, here is 2 December 2024’s “Monday Morning Movie Review: Nefarious (2023)“:

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