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As yours portly edges ever closer to forty, something interesting has happened:  I have suddenly—apparently!—become irresistible to the ladies.

I am as mystified as you, my dear readers.  All I can figure is all the babes have finished riding The Carousel in their twenties and find a chubby, tall, financially stable beta male an attractive prospect.

The point of this piece, however, is not to brag about my sudden abundance of single ladies in their early-to-mid-thirties hankering for some doughy man-meat.  Rather, it’s to document the state of the dating world today, and to identify for the curious reader the types of women that find themselves—like yours portly—cruising dating apps for a chance at love.

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