SubscribeStar Saturday: The Unbearable Burden of Modern Women

28 March 202627 March 2026 The Portly PoliticoLeave a comment

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Consider every broad claim about men and women in this post to contain the qualifier, “in general.” Obviously, “Not All Women/Men Are Like That.” That’s why these are generalities. I’m sure you’re the exception to these general rules/statements, dear reader. —TPP

Women in the modern West have it hard, maybe even harder than men.

No, I haven’t suddenly become a cuck or a simp or whipped or anything like that. Regular readers know that I believe men in the modern West have it pretty hard, too. There’s a widening gulf between men and women that is demoralizing and sad, and threatens our very civilization. After all, if we don’t get together, we’re not going to have children, and the future belongs to those who show up for it.

But as much as women do (and probably should) catch the blame for our present ills, they are themselves victims of those ills. The systemic and social forces that have dominated the West since at least the First World War place tremendous strain on women.

Consider: women are hardwired to crave social unity. If every piece of media, every piece of pop culture, every piece of advertising, every piece of celebrity news, every piece of mommy blog “wisdom” is shouting the same messages, it’s incredible hard to resist, even for men. For women, it requires a truly herculean effort to overcome, and they are (in general) not programmed to handle it.

Living in the American South, the counterexample is true: in a social and cultural environment that encourages a more traditional and a more (at least nominally) Protestant Christian viewpoint, women are (overall) more traditionally, Protestant Christian. Unfortunately, even down here we’re seeing the influence of the broader American culture, which is implicitly progressive and transgressive in its social mores. Women might be more reluctant to “shout their abortion” because there’s a strong social and religious stigma against infanticide (as their should be), but they’re still happening, albeit illegally.

Obviously, the Truth is the Truth, and that comes from Christ. For men, it’s easier to follow through the logical consequences of one’s actions, both because we’re wired this way and because we have to face real consequences for our actions. We also reason more linearly, and are (generally) better at compartmentalizing. Our brains are organized in boxes. Getting to the Truth is a spiritual experience, yes, and it is full of emotion, but it’s also often a matter of following the breadcrumbs in a logical sequence.

Women’s minds, on the other hand, are piles of rational and irrational thoughts blobbing about in an amorphous stew. I suspect the reason women like their homes and work spaces so tidy and so decorated is because it allows them to exercise some external order and control (and similarly why men can tolerate disorganization or messiness a bit better). Women’s judgments are often based on intuition and “vibes” more than following a sequential trail of logic. Further, their judgments are socially reinforced by other women—and women do so viciously. Having worked in education—a female-dominated field—for so long, believe me, women are incredibly vindictive with each other.

To be clear, I’m not denouncing this way of thinking, or implying (intentionally or otherwise) that it’s inferior to the way men think. It’s merely different. And, of course, the obvious disclaimers: women can think rationally; women can control their emotions; women can understand moral concepts like “right” and “wrong.” However, it’s easy to see why women depend so much on the external validation of social uniformity and cohesion relative to men.

In that context, women have it very hard compared to men, and it likely accounts for the wild drift to the Left among women, while men move further to the Right. Leftism runs on emotions and collectivism; the Right runs on protection (against physical and moral threats) and reason. Women allocate the resources that men (traditionally) earn; in the absence of healthy marriages, women reallocate government resources (which are really taxes it has stripped from its citizens) to fulfill the nurturing role. Thus we see the bizarre, misplaced toxic empathy of the Left.

The advantages of being a man in any system or society are clear: you’re not as worried about agreeableness, so you don’t mind challenging the system as much; you’re more able to put aside your emotions to look at the second, third, and fourth order consequences of a decision; and you’re better equipped to buck trends that are wicked or, at best, ill-advised.

To be clear, as a conservative Christian man who possesses some of these qualities, I struggle mightily to stay on the straight and narrow. Indeed, my mind certainly possesses feminine elements (like the bleeding together of my compartments into a more chaotic-but-vibrant slurry). Being an elder Millennial who came of age during the high point of “Nice Guy, Be Yourself” social programming, and having dated many women before finally marrying Dr. Wife, I experienced a taste of the female mind first-hand.

How much harder, then, is it for women who lack a religious foundation and a social network to reinforce it to stay the course?

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Kick Out the Cat Ladies

7 August 20246 August 2024 The Portly Politico52 Comments

Regular readers will know I have a strong, even pathological, anti-femite streak. It’s perhaps ironic, as many of my readers are women, and I actually find most women quite charming and pleasant company. That said, I can’t ignore how terrible things tend to go when women are in charge of anything more substantial than the local church bake sale or the PTA.

With the notable exceptions—and I have to mention them because women in particular don’t seem to understand the concept of “generalization“—women are not really suited for politics, governance, management, etc. What they do really well, however, is act as the social glue that binds a community together. Again, if you want your church bake sale to be a success or your PTA to hound delusional administrators, women are your best option.

If you want to direct grand strategy and pursue a sane domestic policy, leave it to the men. Women in politics seem to boil down to “kill babies, give me free stuff!” It was Republican women in South Carolina, for example, who blocked a total abortion ban in my State; all three of them were booted from the South Carolina Senate in their primary elections, leaving our State Senate blessedly free of female meddling.

Lately there’s been some hubbub over J.D. Vance’s past comments about women, particularly his claim that our country is being run by “childless cat ladies” and the “childless Left.” National Review, the bastion of fake conservative handwringers, fumed simpishly over Vance’s comments, while not exactly addressing the substance of what he said. After all, Vance said the unpopular part out loud—the cat ladies “are miserable in their own lives and the choices they’ve made, and so they want to make the rest of the country miserable, too.”

SubscribeStar Saturday: Cruel Christian Women

3 August 20241 August 2024 The Portly Politico88 Comments

I’m officially announcing my retirement from an ill-fated career of attempting to date single Christian women over 30. I gave it my best shot, but this demographic consists of some of the most broken, spiritually confused, and cruel people I have ever encountered.

To be clear: “not all Christian women over 30 are like that”; indeed, the ones that have been married and have kids are ironically among the best of that group. After all, they’ve fulfilled their God-Given function: they’ve birthed and reared children. Something snaps in most women if they haven’t given birth by 30 or 35; they truly become unhinged, and it manifests itself in a number of unpleasant ways.

But childless “Christian” women over thirty are particularly awful. Here is the pattern I’ve noticed:

Woman spends her twenties riding The Carousel
Woman experiences major conversion or reversion experience right as she is hitting The Wall and her sexual marketplace value (SMV) is starting to crater
Woman’s newfound “faith”—and plenty of man-bashing/woman-affirming pastors—convinces woman that she is a “pearl of great price” (which doesn’t even make sense biblically) or “more precious than rubies,” giving her an inflated sense of her value in the dating pool
Woman demands wealthy, physically fit, tall, aggressively-masculine-but-gentle-as-a-lamb man with the desert-sculpted physique of Jesus on the Cross because she’s a “holy princess” or some such nonsense
Woman brutally critiques any weaknesses or shortcomings in a potential partner and justifies it as helpful honesty and as a “guarding her heart“
Woman likely still sleeps around with Chads, chalking it up to “struggling with her faith”; woman continues to reject decent, normal Christian men
Woman occasionally develops a weird, Christian-adjacent mutation, such as being too interested in Judaism or insisting on only eating “organic” foods; this mutation becomes the centerpiece of her personality and she demands total adherence to it as a qualification, not understanding things like “compromise” and “reasonableness” exist

The delusion among this demographic is through the roof. Instead of their alleged “faith” encouraging introspection, humility, and gratitude, it manifests itself as a perverted sense of self-worth.

The Blood of Jesus Washes away our sins, but it does not make us sexier.

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SubscribeStar Saturday: Cold Approaching

29 June 202426 June 2024 The Portly Politico16 Comments

Regular readers will know that yours portly is back on the prowl, a lonely hunter stalking the forgotten byways of twenty-first-century romance like a sleek panther ready to pounce upon an unsuspecting gazelle.

This time around I’m very much taking the approach that dating should be fun, and not something to be rushed. Despite some of my anti-femite proclamations, I very much enjoy the company of women. Yes, some of them are insufferable, and their blather about inconsequential trivialities—and their refusal to take proactive steps to improve their lives and situations—is mind-numbing. But having a good meal with an attractive and interesting woman is a pastime I relish. My general thought process these days is that, even if nothing comes of a date, it will at least have been a couple of hours of interesting conversation and delicious food.

That attitude has been somewhat liberating. Yes, I’d love to meet a good woman to wife up, but if that doesn’t happen, no big deal. With that outcome-independence—not investing emotionally or otherwise in the outcome of any given date or interaction—I have newfound confidence.

With that confidence I’ve been engaging in a challenging but very rewarding bout of cold approaching.

Alone Again

22 May 202420 May 2024 The Portly Politico78 Comments

Well, dear readers, yours portly finds himself back in his natural state of being—single.

My very sweet girlfriend of the past eight months decided to break things off this past Sunday evening. There was no bitterness or anger involved; it was simply a matter of logistics. Due to our conflicting work schedules—she is a flight attendant, so her schedule varies wildly from week-to-week—and the two-hour distance between us, she decided to end the relationship.

Have no fear—yours portly is doing well. In our discussion, she told me that I am the kindest, most thoughtful, and most mature man she’s ever dated. I think she genuinely meant it, too. But she expressed concerns about being stretched thin between her family, her friends, and me, so I was the one-third that had to be dropped.

TBT^2: Alone

15 February 202414 February 2024 The Portly Politico36 Comments

It’s funny how time heals all wounds (except the conflicts between Israelis and Arabs; Sunnis and Shiites; Russians and Ukrainians; English and Irish; humans and robots; dogs and cats; etc., etc.). What’s more notable is that dating someone who respects you and treats you well really puts a new perspective on life and love and relationships—all that mushy stuff we love to emote about around Valentine’s Day.

Yours portly has pretty much seen it all in the admittedly limited realm of heterosexual monogamous dating, the kind without any weird perversions or lurid peccadilloes attached. It’s a tough playing field out there for men. As you get to my age (I’m a supple thirty-nine now), it gets a bit more challenging.

One thing I’ve learned is that single Christian women over thirty are nuts. There’s more pressure on them—mostly soft and, I suspect, self-inflicted pressure, but pressure nonetheless—than worldly floozies to get a husband. Since most of their peers did so between the ages of eighteen and twenty-five, they can’t help but think something is wrong with themselves. Women being particularly prone to solipsistic rationalization, they invent various reasons to cover up this gnawing sensation: “I’m dedicated to my career”; “The Lord Has me in a season of singleness”; etc. The Truth is probably too hard to confront.

Lest readers think I am dumping on the ladies, I acknowledge that these critiques apply partially to me, too. The difference, I think, is that it is historically- and economically-established that men often don’t marry until later in life, as we take a bit longer to mature. We also have the deeply instinctual provider role, and while the world insists we don’t have to do that and that women don’t want it, that impulse is still very real. No woman wants to date a deadbeat, and we’re pretty much all deadbeats in our early twenties. It takes us awhile to build up an empire.

Of course, that’s probably the key difference between men and women economically: most women have the luxury of dropping out of the workforce when a suitably stable and secure man comes along, if they’re willing to make mild sacrifices. It’s well-documented that men risk far more in relationships than women, and bear far greater search and support costs.

But I digress. My experience has been that single Christian women past thirty are former party girls who have reconnected with their faith (good if true), or perpetual daddy’s girls who never left home. Either way, they suddenly have ludicrously high standards that apply to the “good guys”—standards they once (and likely still would) throw out the window for the right bad boy. Alternatively, they’re so starved for male affection, they’ll throw all standards out the window (missionaries, I’ve noticed, are the worst when it comes to this tendency). Whatever the case, they’re not exactly strong “living witnesses” for the Lord.

Fear not, dear readers: despite the previous diatribe, I am not bitter (the likely reaction to reading a veritable carpet bombing of taboo Truth Bombs). I am dating a wonderful woman. She is over thirty. She is a Christian, albeit not in an intensely devout way. Indeed, she kind of defaults to the mild progressivism of most twenty-first-century American women. I don’t think she thinks about politics or social issues much beyond whatever comes up on in the mainstream.

And she’s the kindest, most well-adjusted woman I’ve ever dated. She’s so kind and supportive, it’s made me chill out—and I’m probably as batty as some of the women I’ve described here. For probably the first time in my lengthy dating career, I’m not worried about a relationship. I don’t have the gnawing sense that she doesn’t like me for some unknown reason.

It’s pretty liberating.

Also, she brings me Biscoff cookies. That’s love.

With that, here is 9 February 2023’s “TBT: Alone“:

SubscribeStar Saturday: Behind Every Great Man

2 September 20237 August 2023 The Portly Politico4 Comments

We’ve all heard the expression “behind every great man, there’s a great woman,” or some permutation of it (my personal favorite is Groucho Marx‘s: “behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife”). It’s a familiar expression because it’s generally true, even if not quite as universal as the word “every” suggests.

Just as a bad woman can lead to a man’s swift downfall—or, worse yet, years of misery and then a swift downfall—a good woman can support a man through his trials, and even make him king.

Such was the case of Margaret Beaufort, who, through a combination of skill, diplomacy, wealth, and mother love, guided her son Henry through the complicated and dangerous War of the Roses to emerge as King Henry VII, the first monarch of the Tudor Dynasty.

Her bravery, tenacity, and sheer luck safeguarded her son through a lengthy exile, and ultimately to the height of power. Her grandson, Henry VIII, would become the most powerful English monarch of his age, so much so that modern historians frequently regard him as a tyrant.

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SubscribeStar Saturday: Floozy Report

12 August 202327 July 2023 The Portly Politico8 Comments

As yours portly edges ever closer to forty, something interesting has happened: I have suddenly—apparently!—become irresistible to the ladies.

I am as mystified as you, my dear readers. All I can figure is all the babes have finished riding The Carousel in their twenties and find a chubby, tall, financially stable beta male an attractive prospect.

The point of this piece, however, is not to brag about my sudden abundance of single ladies in their early-to-mid-thirties hankering for some doughy man-meat. Rather, it’s to document the state of the dating world today, and to identify for the curious reader the types of women that find themselves—like yours portly—cruising dating apps for a chance at love.

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Open Mic Adventures XXXIX: “(I’m in the) Business of Love)”

18 July 202312 July 2023 The Portly Politico8 Comments

After a brief hiatus, I’m back with more tasty jams. I’ve dedicated this summer’s open mic excursions to performing my “deep cuts,” which is a bit of a misnomer, as most of these tunes have never been “cut” to a recording at all! Fortunately, I need constant content to feed the insatiable appetite of the YouTube beast, so it gives me a good excuse to play these forgotten pieces.

I wrote “(I’m in the) Business of Love” back on 7 February 2019, one week out from Valentine’s Day. The song is about the woes of a “beta male provider” who is just looking for a little “transactional romance.” Is there any topic more tragically postmodern than that of the “nice guy” finishing dead last in the reproductive sweepstakes? This song is a humorous exploration of that phenomenon.

TBT: Alone

9 February 20232 February 2023 The Portly Politico22 Comments

Last February I found myself in a rather discouraging place—dumped and dejected, wiling away my time with designer LEGO sets and DiGiorno pizza. Unbeknownst to yours portly at the time, I’d embark on two relationships: a short-lived, doomed-from-the-start imbroglio with a hyper-progressive, anxiety-ridden schoolmarm, then what I thought might be “It.” It didn’t last, and I found myself in a similar mindset around Christmastime.

Ironically, watching It’s a Wonderful Life (1946) helped immensely. George Bailey’s frustrations and struggles very much mirrored my own (except that he resented his big family and happy marriage), and I understood his character’s despair and broken dreams palpably.

I’m in a better place—no need to send Clarence—but some of those enduring frustrations still hold fast. I’m not nearly as bitter about it as I was when I wrote this piece, but no amount of frozen pizza can mend a broken heart.

With that, here is 1 February 2022’s “Alone“:

The Portly Politico

One Southerner's unique, erudite, conservative perspective in a hectic world

Tag: men and women

Alone Again

TBT^2: Alone

Open Mic Adventures XXXIX: “(I’m in the) Business of Love)”

TBT: Alone