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Alone Again

The Portly Politico39 Comments

Well, dear readers, yours portly finds himself back in his natural state of being—single.

My very sweet girlfriend of the past eight months decided to break things off this past Sunday evening.  There was no bitterness or anger involved; it was simply a matter of logistics.  Due to our conflicting work schedules—she is a flight attendant, so her schedule varies wildly from week-to-week—and the two-hour distance between us, she decided to end the relationship.

Have no fear—yours portly is doing well.  In our discussion, she told me that I am the kindest, most thoughtful, and most mature man she’s ever dated.  I think she genuinely meant it, too.  But she expressed concerns about being stretched thin between her family, her friends, and me, so I was the one-third that had to be dropped.

At this point in my life, I’m quite accustomed to this outcome.  The benefit of dating for twenty years is that I spend a great deal of time in self-reflection (something I engage in frequently anyway, but having someone reject you is a good opportunity to take stock).  It’s made me much more contemplative, and while I was certainly upset (but not angry, to be clear) Sunday evening, afterwards I took it with the Zen-like Stoicism of a Buddhist monk (let it never be said that I’m not syncretic).

That said, I am not relishing the return to the dating market.  It’s gotten pretty awful out there.  Despite the doom and gloom, though, there are still good women out there.  I’d like to think I am a good man, but I’m introspective enough to know my flaws and limits.

Oh, well.  The plan now is to focus on writing, composing, and building up my fledgling online empire.  I also need to get in shape and lose some pounds before putting myself back out there onto the meat market.

I also need to spend time reconnecting with God.  He Is a jealous God, and I suspect His Hand was in this breakup.  I was probably putting more thought and energy into dating than I was (am?) into Him.  I had a pretty devastating breakup in 2022 from a solidly Christian woman, and it created a lot of anger on my part against Christian women over thirty—and against God.  I have been working through that over the past couple of years, and my recent girlfriend was honestly quite healing in that regard.

Still, God Will Remove stumbling blocks if it means saving us from ourselves.

On a slightly lighter note, here’s the song that inspired the title of today’s post; I do love some Dokken:

God Bless, everyone, and stay frosty out there.

—TPP

39 thoughts on “Alone Again”

  1. I’m sorry to hear that, mate.

    It sucks when life gives you the choice between love and work. You should never have to choose one or the other. In an ideal world, you’d be able to manage both but then, it depends on the couple; if the love is strong enough, trifling matters like work or distance wouldn’t come into play.

    If the next one makes your heart pump a little quicker, don’t let the small things get in the way of it.

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    • To clarify, I didn’t choose between love and work—she did. I respect that, but it wasn’t due to any lack of effort on my part. It was just the circumstance we found ourselves in. I did not let the small things get in the way. That said, April is always a brutal month for me, with major work events that I have to work as part of my contract (like the Spring Concert—the music teacher can’t skip that to go on a date!).

      I’m always catching grief for working so much, but it’s frequently not because I choose to work more. Yes, I do a lot of extra things—the blog, composing, writing, etc.—but those are all activities that I can and have and am willing to shift around to accommodate a significant other, a friend, etc.

      Yes, we shouldn’t have to choose between love and work. I did not do that. But the reality is, many people do make that choice.

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      • I apologise. I wasn’t aiming that at you, it was more of a generalisation. A lot of people do that, choose between career and love but what happens when you finish your day or your career? There has to be more to life otherwise a career is just a steady progression to a lonely existence.

        When I went to Norwich to do my teaching degree, I had a plan. I was going to complete my qualification, go to Thailand to do my ESOL and move to Japan to teach English as a foreign language. My plan was scuppered because something unexpected happened – I fell in love. The rest, as they say, is history.

        Life hasn’t been superb since then but I don’t regret choosing love over a career. My heart aches for Tina more now than when I met her. She is my everything and though my work has taken me down a different path, my options aren’t completely lost. But I would have been if it wasn’t for her.

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        • Sorry for overreacting, mate. I am a little irritable this morning, entirely due to my own workaholic nature—ha! I went to open mic last night for the first time in awhile, then stayed up entirely too late working on a piece of music. That means I did not get as much sleep as usual, and I’m a bit of a rancor when I’m not well-rested.

          To be fair to my sweet ex-girlfriend, she was not super career-driven like other women I have dated. She enjoyed her job, but she enjoyed it mainly because once she was done with it, she didn’t have to think about it outside of work hours. The problem is that lately she’s had to work a TON of flights, and with the declining quality of the airline industry, she was frequently trapped in long delays due to mechanical and other issues. She also had a bout of strep at the beginning of April, so she had to work more to make up for that lost time. She did not want to do all that—indeed, we talked about that quite a bit—but she had to do so to make ends meet. That put strains on all of her relationships; she expressed to me that she felt like she couldn’t be a good daughter, sister, friend, and girlfriend. The girlfriend part had to go, and I respect that. It is a sad situation, but it is life, and I want her to be able to focus on the people that matter most.

          You made the right choice. Tina is a good woman. Please know I pray for both of you daily.

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          • Good luck in the future, mate. If anyone deserves love and happiness, it’s you. 👍

            Anyway, this is getting too mushy for two men about town. I’m going to pop off and do something blokey! Later dude. 😄

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            • Thanks, dude! I don’t know that I deserve anything, but I am thankful for the life I have and the opportunities it presents me.

              Hahahaha, yes. Let’s return to manly pursuits. I need to grab a socket wrench or something.

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    • For more than one reason. Experience gives you a knock and you can’t replicate that raw energy. When you hear someone give it their all on the stage, you just know something happened to create that.

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      • Yeah, dude. I finally got back out to open mic last night for the first time in awhile, and it was electrifying. I sang one of my unrecorded ballads, “The Rings of Saturn” (I do have a live recording of it on YouTube from last summer), and you could hear a pin drop in the room; I’ve never seen an open mic crowd that mesmerized. It was pretty magical. I then went home and stayed up past midnight composing an interpretative piece of programmatic music called “The Sea Crab.”

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    • I went there last night, in fact! It felt good to get back out and perform.

      All things considered, I am doing quite well. In a way, I feel light (although I currently overweight) and breezy. It helps that summertime is coming and (with the exception of last night) I am getting far more sleep and rest than usual.

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  3. Hopefully you’ll find somebody again, if that’s what you really want ❤️

    Oh, and if God is behind this – I’d like to give him a good spanking.

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    • Hahahaha, God Knows what He Is Doing—far better than I know what I am doing!

      I’ll be fine. I’m quite adaptable, and I feel a sense of lightness and liberation (not that my ex made me feel oppressed—quite the opposite!) but I am already adjusting to what seems to be my natural state.

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    • Thanks, dude! Yeah, I am already bouncing back. She was a great woman (and how many dudes get to date a flight attendant?), and I wish her the best. Now to get on with livin’!

      Haha, yes! Glad you appreciated the Dokken.

      Thanks for your comment. Rock on!

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        • Yeah, she was great, and I wish her the best. It is probably the first time in my life where I’ve walked away from a relationship satisfied that I did everything right, and so did she. Just unfortunate external circumstances and pressures. She was a cool chick (and, with all due respect, a total babe) and she’ll be fine. I’m an affable fellow with a zest for life, so I’m not too worried about my own prospects, either.

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  5. This is an interesting comment thread – I’ve come to believe that there are certain men and women who are meant to remain single, perhaps by God’s design. Three divorces later, here I am alone again. I decided in 2016 that I won’t marry again and have not had a date since then. It’s just not worth the heartache anymore.

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    • I think you are correct, John, and there is ample precedence for that belief. Even the Apostle Paul said it is better not to marry, but if you burn, you’d better bite the bullet and tie the knot.

      I definitely burn—ha!—but I think God Is Telling me to focus on Him. In the past, I think I veered into borderline idolatry in terms of wanting a girlfriend or wife.

      About a year ago, it hit me one day that if I never get married, I will be content. I would very much like to have a loving, supportive wife, but if it’s not God’s Will, I am content to accept that. Besides, it frees up my resources to pour into my niece and nephews, so maybe I can be in a position to help them some day.

      Who knows! Let God’s Will Be Done! If that includes a leggy babe for yours portly, all the better—ha!

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      • Well said! I mentioned this as I think we are in the same boat in a few ways. I’ve just gave up on women… It has advantages such as traveling to see my family. I am not bothered with someone back home if that person didn’t come with me as an example. I never could have imagined in 1980 that I would arrive at this time in my life…

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    • I can’t agree with that. I don’t believe anyone is meant to live without love.

      Maybe now you’ve stopped looking for it, it’ll find you. You never know. All I will say is being in love is the best feeling in the world. 16+ years with my Tina and I love her more every day.

      I wish you all the best in the future, regardless of which road you take. 👍

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  6. Off topic. It looks like our general election will be held on your day of independence. Oh, goody. 🙄

    Considering the horror show that is British politics, I’ll be as excited come election day as I was at my father’s funeral. There’ll be booze on the 4th July, that’s for sure but we won’t be raising a glass to our dozey electorate. Crikey, if the collected IQ of our voting majority was translated into pounds, the homeless would be paying them! 🙈

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    • That’s interesting timing. Should make for an interesting Fourth of July!

      I expect that the Conservatives—in name only, at this point—will take a proper drubbing. Is there even a viable conservative alternative in Britain anymore? What is one to do—vote Lib-Dem? What do they even believe?

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      • There’s the Heritage Party but their leader, David Kurten, doesn’t sell it well. I did an interview with him a couple of years ago and they got a bit more interest but I don’t know what’s happening there anymore. It’s sad because they are the only movement offering proper conservative policies.

        Other than that, some people are looking at the Richard Tice led Reform but they’re very much Tories in a not very good disguise. As it is, the country will vote for Labour despite the fact that they’re offering exactly the same as our incumbents. It’s pretty depressing.

        This will be the first election we pay no attention to. We’re going to drink our body weight and ignore the twaddle from the media. The best way.

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        • Sounds like enjoying a few pints is the way to go. If you do vote, it sounds like you might as well vote for the Heritage Party, even if they aren’t campaigning well. It might not help, but it’s not going to hurt, that’s for sure.

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          • There probably won’t be a candidate in our area to vote for. The last time our choices were similar to rooting around a mouldy cheese to find a good bit. This time, we’ll be given the choice of rotten beef and rotten fish. Mm, what to do? 🙈

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  7. You’ve got the right attitude and, I think, a good plan. You do seem kind and thoughtful, and I’m quite sure that when the time is right, a good woman will show up and recognize that in you. Hang in there! I’ve heard the dating world can be brutal – hang in there.

    And a tip, if you plan for online dating when you’re ready to jump back in. A friend of ours works in AI and his friend works for a dating app and, supposedly, you’re dropped in the algorithm if the percentage of people you like is high (as it’s assumed you’re desperate, unattractive, etc.), so you might have good luck if you’re a little picky with who you “like”. I only heard it through the grapevine, so I don’t know if it’s true, but it can’t hurt.

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    • It really is brutal out there, but I had a pretty good experience last summer when I was in the apps (well, the app—I just use Hinge) heavily. It really helped change my perspective on modern dating for the better. There is a lot degeneracy and brokenness out there (I might include myself in that—ha!), but I met some really nice people, and obviously found a very sweet and supportive girlfriend in the process. Even if it didn’t last, we had a really good time together, and I am thankful for the time we had.

      I actually wrote a “Floozy Report” last summer detailing the different kinds of women I encountered: https://www.subscribestar.com/posts/974978

      Unfortunately, it’s paywalled, but it’s funny and controversial enough that I might run it on the main blog for fun.

      That is fascinating! It kind of makes sense, too. I did notice last summer that I had pretty poor results in June. I visited my brother in Indianapolis the week of Independence Day, and laid off the app. Then, it was like an explosion of matches. I think I went on something like eight dates in eight consecutive days, which is ridiculous (and expensive, but I had fun). Perhaps the algorithm deemed me cool after taking a week off, haha!

      Thanks, E. I appreciate you outlook. I hope you and the Good Doctor Z are doing well.

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