close up of a pile of chopped wood

Border Towns

The new town where Dr. Wife and I reside is about twenty minutes from the border between North and South Carolina.  When I go up to visit her at her little apartment in North Carolina (she’s living there during the weeks as she finishes up her medical residency), I drive through some tiny South Carolina border towns, places with names like “Tatum” and “McColl.”  The comparatively larger Laurinburg is on the North Carolina side of the border.

These little towns have some interesting features.  On the South Carolina side of the border, they’re tiny.  Tatum is a few ramshackle buildings and a local manufacturer; I’m not sure there’s even a gas station there.  McColl has a bit more going on, but not much.  This section of northeastern South Carolina is very rural, and lies far enough from major Interstates and other population centers that they’re not receiving much beyond commuter traffic, which usually flows out of these communities.

There’s also the people that want to buy fireworks.  On the South Carolina side, there are more and more fireworks stands the closet one gets to the State line.  Even though we’re still two months away from Independence Day, I will see multiple cars parked at these places when I drive by, so there is apparently an appetite for colorful explosives year-round.

Fireworks are apparently lucrative.  On the outskirts of McColl, the last town before hitting the North Carolina border, there is a little floral shop.  It’s cute and sports a faded but fun shade of pink.  On its sign, it advertises flowers—and fireworks.

As one drives closer to the North Carolina border, there are a number of dilapidated—or even entirely missing—video arcades.  I have vague childhood recollections of driving past similar places along the SC-NC border and getting excited that there were video game establishments, but my parents explained they were not arcades like we knew from the mall, but places where people played video poker.  One of these establishments has a garish onion dome a la the Kremlin or the Taj Mahal.  It is completely vacant.

Video poker was legal in South Carolina at some point in the 1990s.  The convenience store next to my late maternal grandfather’s furniture store in Bath, South Carolina had a video poker cabinet (it may have been blackjack), and I remember thinking it was insane that it cost a whopping two dollars to play.  Of course, it was likely illegal for me to play it; even if it weren’t, it was too expensive.

Remember, these were the days when most arcade games cost a quarter to play.  A good game—something really premium—cost fifty cents.  A really awesome, cutting-edge game at, say, Myrtle Beach might cost a dollar.  Two bucks to play a hand of poker or blackjack was outrageous (and not very appealing to a kid, anyway), but I imagine many a workman blew his pay packet at these machines every Friday night hoping to escape their situations (yes, there were desperately poor people in the 1990s).

I briefly (and unfortunately) dated the daughter of one of the guys who invented the video poker machine; he became a drug addict, which is tragic but, like most tragedies, also poetic.  She was a hot mess (emphasis on the mess, not the hot), and was emblematic of what I call “nouveau riche rednecks.”  They’re a type that jump from poverty to wealth too quickly, retaining a great deal of the trashiness associated with riotous country folk.  Imagine the people who spend all their money on four-wheelers and jet skis and $80,000 pickup trucks.

To be clear, I’m just two generations removed from poverty on my father’s side.  But my paternal grandfather and grandmother weren’t that kind of “country” Southerner that seem to be either the best or worst of people.  They were something else, due in large part to their devotion to Christ.  Yes, my Papa worked in the textile mill and Mama was a custodian at the library.  When I was a little kid, and Papa was retired, I thought he was a scrap dealer:  he would drive around in his awesome 1980s Honda Civic hatchback and pick up items people had tossed on the side of the road, then host a huge yard sale every fall.  Papa would boast about how the Save-a-Lot brand canned spaghetti and meatballs had one more meatball per can than Chef Boyardee; it struck me as the wisest thing I’d ever heard.

But I digress.  The point is that we slowly emerged from that milieu.  We did not succumb to the video poker bubble; indeed, I imagine my parents and grandparents were glad to see it go.  Governor David Beasley famously lost his re-election bid in the 1998 South Carolina gubernatorial race to Democrat Jim Hodges in large part because Beasley opposed video poker and a State lottery.  It was an object lesson in how the people will clamor for their own destruction, which is itself proof that they shouldn’t be allowed to gamble.

Well, they can’t get their video poker fix in South Carolina, but crossing the border into North Carolina’s Scotland County immediately presents visitors with multiple cinderblock boxes with neon signs shouting “777” and “Skill Games.”  These hastily-constructed hotboxes host video and other forms of gambling.  South Carolinians itching to risk their paycheck on a pipedream can easily hop the border, just as North Carolinians eager to explode LEGO men in their backyard with bottle rockets and Roman Candles can scuttle on down to South Carolina.

There’s something about that liminal space (to use a favorite buzzword of Internet essayists everywhere) in border regions that brings out the unsavoriness of human nature.  In a zone where legal and cultural and political identities melt into one another, unimagined possibilities gain life.  There are always merchants of vice willing to imagine those possibilities for their desperate customers—for a price.

At least in South Carolina the vice we sell is fireworks, which are more of a fun novelty than a depraved invitation to dark deeds.  I’d rather light up the sky with explosives than descend into the darkness of a vape-filled, cinderblocked gambling dungeon.

Interminable Heat

It is hot—interminably hot—here in South Carolina.  I can only imagine how much worse it is for our senior correspondent, Audre Myers, down in Florida.  My European readers will struggle to comprehend the kind of heat we’re experiencing.  I still can’t comprehend entire nations in the developed world that don’t have air-conditioning; it is truly a privilege for Europeans to have the luxury of not having A/C, much less not having to run it constantly.

I’ve often referred to the South in the summer as akin to living on the surface of Venus.  Our poisonous gas atmosphere is in the form of humidity—breathable, but barely.  Imagine walking outside and feeling not just heat, but a kind of all-encompassing clamminess that somehow manages to make you feel even hotter.  Yes, you can get acclimated if you’re willing to stay out in it long enough, but you have to drink constantly, as the combo of heat and humidity is constantly sucking moisture from your body.

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Quick Friday Update; Constitutional Carry

Yours portly is still playing catch-up from a combination of end-of-the-school-year-busyness and post-vacation-readjustment.  I know the blog has been short on substantive content lately; unfortunately, I simply lack the time and energy to put more into it at the moment.

I have a busy weekend of non-blog writing ahead (mostly stuff for the Town of Lamar), and precious  little time today to work.

Last night (Thursday, 9 May 2024) the Town’s Police Department hosted an event with SC SLED (basically, the “FBI” for South Carolina) to discuss the implications of our new constitutional carry bill.  There is a great deal of handwringing over the idea of hot-headed eighteen-year olds blowing each other way now that they can carry openly, but when I asked the SLED agent if any of the other thirty-four States with constitutional carry had experienced an uptick in these emotional bouts of lethal violence, he waffled, saying that “it varies from State to State.”  My entire impression is that this law enforcement officer didn’t really know what he was talking about.

I love the police, but like engineers, they tend to look at an issue from only one angle, usually that of safety.  Safety isn’t necessarily the enemy of liberty, but it frequently is.  Eighteen-year olds are still going to blow each other away in the heat of the moment; now we can just see the ones stupid enough to display their $500 handgun on their hips.  There’s a lot of hysteria over the new law, but not much thoughtful reflection.

Let a thousand handguns bloom.

SubscribeStar Saturday: Pee Dee State Farmers Market Plant & Flower Festival

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Festival season continues apace; ergo, my reviews/travelogues/retrospectives/self-indulgent recaps of said festivals roll on as well.  If my use of the word “ergo” hasn’t turned your stomach, read on.

Last Saturday, 30 September 2023 I attended the Pee Dee State Farmers Market, which was hosting its annual Plant & Flower Festival.  I learned about the festival from, of all places, YouTube ads, featuring our long-serving Commissioner of Agriculture, Hugh Weathers.  Commissioner Weathers has held his office since 2004, and I’ve seen his name most of my adult life on gas station pumps (there’s a little inspector’s sticker that bears his name), but I’d never seen him until these commercials.

That uninteresting fact aside, I needed to pick up some pumpkins for carving, and I figured buying some Certified SC Grown pumpkins was the way to go.  There was also the added bonus of taking in another festival on a crisp, autumnal morning.

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Phone it in Friday XXXV: My Second Book is Live on Kindle!

In case the daily reminders at the top of every post this week weren’t reminder enough, I’ve released my second book, Arizonan Sojourn, South Carolinian Dreams: And Other Adventures.  It’s a collection of travel essays I’ve accumulated over the last four years, and it’s available now on AmazonThe Kindle version went live today, so if you pre-ordered, you can now read the book!

I’ve been eager to release a second book ever since I published The One-Minute Mysteries of Inspector Gerard: The Ultimate Flatfoot back in March 2021, but various time constraints always seemed to interfere.  Ironically, maintaining the blog—even with help from good friends—is one such hinderance, while also serving as the source material for this book!

Blogging daily (today marks the 1545th consecutive day of blogging) is great fun, but it takes time.  Longtime readers will probably have noticed the increase in guest posts (especially from Audre Myers and Ponty), as well as lighter posts from yours portly.  Those lighter posts are partially out of necessity—in order to maintain my busy work and private music lessons schedule, I have to write some fluffier posts here from time to time.

No worries—I have not given up on political writing entirely, nor have I abandoned writing seriously about music, faith, art, etc.  Sometimes, I just need to upload some pictures of a LEGO set I built and call it a day.

That said, blogging daily is also the source of Arizonan Sojourn, as blogging daily will likely be the source of my next book (topic to be determined).  Pulled from four years of travel essays, with a particular focus on the six-part trip my older brother and I took to Arizona in December 2022, the book regales readers with tales of my not-so-outrageous exploits.

So, I found myself last week with a modicum of extra time because Middle School students were taking some horrendous standardized test, after which they were dismissed for the day.  That removed my duty to teach Middle Music Ensemble for a few days, and that extra fifty-six minutes each day, along with the lack of private music lessons with Middle Schoolers, enabled me to complete the compiling, organizing, and edition of Arizonan Sojourn.

Unlike Inspector Gerard, I also made sure to proofread and revise Arizonan Sojourn much more carefully this time.  I cannot guarantee it is free of grammatical errors—I found one as soon as I published the book (it is now fixed)—but it should be substantially less embarrassing in this regard than Gerard was.

That’s all to say that you should buy it.  I’ll also be uploading a PDF manuscript of the entire work to my Subscribe Star page for $5 and up subscribers tomorrow.

Of course, it’s much better to have a physical copy, no?

Here’s where you can pick it up:

Happy Reading!

—TPP

SubscribeStar Saturday: Christmas Break Travels, Part VI: Home for Christmas

Today’s post is a SubscribeStar Saturday exclusive.  To read the full post, subscribe to my SubscribeStar page for $1 a month or more.  For a full rundown of everything your subscription gets, click here.

Trapped in the blizzard in Indianapolis, pipes bursting across the land (including in my older brother’s house), there was little to do besides sleep and let the responsible adults take care of things.

There are few things more reassuringly cozy than sleeping under heavy blankets in sub-zero temperatures.  It’s akin to the feeling of being inside with power during a torrential downpour or powerful thunderstorm—the sense of safety and warmth is experienced palpably in those moments.  In some ways, it’s even better to get soaked first, then to come into the dryness of the indoors.

But sleep can only forestall reality for so long.  Driving to South Carolina on Friday, 23 December 2022 as I’d originally planned was out of the question, given the frozen roads.  Tales of major wrecks and traffic snarls echoed across the land, so it seemed best to stay put.

That said, I desperately wanted to get home for Christmas.  The weather, it seemed, had other plans, but I soon hatched a plan that, if all went well, would get me South in time for at least some of Christmas.

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TBT: Summertime Schedule Begins

As of about 8 PM EST last Thursday, I’ve been living the Summer Break Lifestyle.  Other than camp and lessons, I’ve been enjoying a much more leisurely pace of living.

Summer is already filling up fast.  While the first week of Minecraft Camp is in the books, I have another session next week.  I’m attempting to run my Rock ‘n’ Roll Camp for the second year, but as of the time of writing, it looks like I might just have one student, so that may get axed.

Nevertheless, it’s a good time to knock out some projects, especially when I wrap up camps.  I’m hoping to get back—finally!—to wrapping up the first volume of my Sunday Doodles book, which will go through the first fifty editions of the feature (over at my SubscribeStar page).  Indeed, I may do the first 100 editions, as I am currently at 144.  That will require more editing, but will make for a beefier book.

It’s also time to get cracking on some short stories.  I’ve been sitting on one story about a guy who eats an undercooked frozen pizza with bizarre consequences; now I need to write it!

With that, here is 8 June 2021’s “Summertime Schedule Begins“:

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Election Day 2021

Today is Election Day in Lamar, South Carolina, and in several other towns in the region.  We have a competitive mayoral race, and I am up for reelection for the Council seat I currently hold.  Another Councilmember is running for reelection for her seat, but neither of us have any officially filed competition.

There’s also an election in Society Hill with seven candidates running—three for mayor and four for council seats.  I’m particularly interested in that race because of a homesteading-related issue at the center of it, with one candidate running largely to fight an ordinance limiting the number of animals he is allowed to keep on his property inside city limits.  Hartsville, home to the world headquarters of Sonoco, has five candidates running for mayor.

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Lamar Candidates Forum

Last night my little town of Lamar, South Carolina, hosted a candidates forum to give voters an opportunity to learn more about the candidates for Town Council and the Mayor’s race.  Our Town employees did an excellent job organizing the event, which was held in the Fire Department’s fire truck bay.  I brought some sound equipment and setup a very basic sound system for the candidates.

There are two Council seats up for election, which Councilwoman Mary Mack and myself currently occupy.  We’re both running for re-election, so we are officially running unopposed.  Residents will have two votes to cast in the Town Council race, one for each position.

As such, Councilwoman Mack and I were invited to tell voters a bit about ourselves and our visions for the town.  The main event was the mayoral forum, which was structured in a series of questions (nine or ten) posed to each candidate.  The mayoral candidates received their questions in advance, and the audience was not allowed to ask questions (although I think several people did after the forum formally adjourned).

Both candidates acquitted themselves nicely, differing mainly in the margins.  Councilwoman Inez Lee focused on cleaning up the town, literally and metaphorically, frequently invoking Franklin Roosevelt’s “First Hundred Days”:  we have a number of dilapidated buildings on Main Street that are eyesores.  James Howell, a local landscaper, focused on improving the town’s infrastructure and zoning to make the town more attractive to businesses.

All candidates for all offices touted the need to fix Lamar’s water system, so we sell our own water again.  We are currently purchasing around four million gallons of water each month from the Darlington County Water and Sewage Authority, paying rates that are onerously high for residents.

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More Georgia and South Carolina Backroads

As I noted in various updates about delayed posts, I was back in Athens, Georgia this weekend.  On the way over Friday, my GPS routed me a different way than usual, apparently due to a massive wreck on I-20.

The rerouting took me off I-20 at Lexington, South Carolina, taking me through painfully slow traffic in the bustling county seat before spitting me out on US-378 West, which wended its way towards the Upstate.

I then hit US-178 West towards Greenwood and Abbeville, transferring to various State roads.  I eventually ended up on SC-72, heading through Calhoun Falls at the South Carolina-Georgia border.

At that point, SC-72 became GA-72, which took me through Elberton and Comer, Georgia, before depositing me in Athens.

As many of my readers are not from South Carolina—or even from this country!—let me translate that for you:  I went through a lot of small towns in very rural parts of South Carolina and Georgia.

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