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Another graduation ceremony is upon us, signaling the end of the school year and the beginning of another summer vacation.  The grand cycle of the academic calendar continues, coming to a stately close after a few hectic months.

Last year I predicted that my chances of being asked to speak at commencement increased from 1% to about 5%.  That was overly optimistic; given that we don’t have speakers at commencement besides the valedictorian and the salutatorian, I’d put the odds at less than 1%.

Even if we did have a member of faculty speak, I think my chances would improve only slightly.  I’m a good teacher, and well-spoken when working from a prepared text, with a rich, buttery voice made for radio.  But I’m not one of the “glamorous” teachers.  My administration is very fixated on photogenic and youthful teachers—essentially, they want the face they put to the public to be wildly attractive.

I get that, and while I’m a handsome-ish dude and a dynamic music teacher, I’m too much of an iconoclast to fit into the mold.  I don’t check any sexy diversity boxes, and I don’t hang around the front office like desperate courtesans trying to win the favor of the king.  Perhaps if I did play politics a bit more I’d be a more likely candidate, but I have no desire or inclination to do so.

But I digress.  If I were to speak at graduation, I’d have some spicy-but-pedestrian bits of wisdom to share with the Class of 2024.

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