Yours portly is struggling, dear readers.  I cannot conceive of a movie (that I have recently watched) that is worth reviewing.  That doesn’t mean that I have only seen bad movies—bad movies, after all, are my specialty—but I have not seen any memorable films.  The flicks I have watched have been so forgettable, I can’t remember enough to write about them!

Of course, I’ve been engaged in a high amount of “distracted viewing.”  Everyone now seems to watch movies with a cell phone in one hand and a forty-pound PC in the other.  Even as I am writing this post, I am listening to a YouTube video about Christopher Columbus and watching a crappy modern movie on Shudder.  How am I even taking any of this information in?

Normally, I sit down and watch a flick while at the computer, maybe checking a little e-mail here and there.  Murphy interrupts frequently with her own haughty foolishness, which usually involves begging for a fifth rawhide or going outside to take a leak and eat some grass.  I end watching movies in fifteen-minute chunks, with much longer interruptions in between.  Then I’m responding to e-mails, writing blog posts, composing music, uploading videos to YouTube, and all the rest while “watching” the movie.

So, the fault is, perhaps, not due to the films themselves, but due to my own divided attention.  That said, when a film really catches my attention, I am glued to it.  And lately, nothing has captured my attention, although, again, that attention is quite divided.

I think I have reached the point in the school year where my brain is so constantly engaged in so many activities, I’m slightly losing it.  I have noticed an increase in my irritability about little things, and generally I feel like crap most of the time.  When the weekends roll around, I crash on Saturdays, then start gearing up again.  Sundays are pretty much entirely spent working, with church as a brief sojourn in the middle of the day.

So, readers, what good flicks have you seen lately?  I know that Audre Myers has asked that I review Stigmata (1999), but I understand that it’s an interminable snooze fest.  But, hey, she was right about Bicentennial Man (1990)—albeit very wrong about Shaun of the Dead (2004).  Oh, well, I don’t pay her for her opinions about movies; in fact, I don’t pay her at all!

But I digress.  Make some recommendations.  I know there are a lot of excellent films out there that I have seen and/or which I need to watch for the first time (and/or again!).  What movies do you want to receive the portly treatment?  Leave a comment below!

—TPP