SubscribeStar Saturday: Chicago 2024, Part I

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Whenever I tell people in the South that I am going to Chicago, there is inevitably a comment along the lines of “don’t get shot!” or “wear your body armor!” or the like.  Chicago does, of course, have a very high crime rate, and homicides are frequent.  But people act like I’m visiting Somalia or downtown Fallujah whenever I mention a trip to Chicago.

Chicago from Willis Tower 5

While I would avoid South Chicago, I would also encourage anyone to visit the Windy City at least once in their lives.  Yes, it’s a cesspool of political corruption, but how much does that really affect a tourist?  I wouldn’t want to live in Chicago, but it’s a great location to visit for its art, architecture, food, and vibrant street life.

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SubscribeStar Saturday: Cold Approaching

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Regular readers will know that yours portly is back on the prowl, a lonely hunter stalking the forgotten byways of twenty-first-century romance like a sleek panther ready to pounce upon an unsuspecting gazelle.

This time around I’m very much taking the approach that dating should be fun, and not something to be rushed.  Despite some of my anti-femite proclamations, I very much enjoy the company of women.  Yes, some of them are insufferable, and their blather about inconsequential trivialities—and their refusal to take proactive steps to improve their lives and situations—is mind-numbing.  But having a good meal with an attractive and interesting woman is a pastime I relish.  My general thought process these days is that, even if nothing comes of a date, it will at least have been a couple of hours of interesting conversation and delicious food.

That attitude has been somewhat liberating.  Yes, I’d love to meet a good woman to wife up, but if that doesn’t happen, no big deal.  With that outcome-independence—not investing emotionally or otherwise in the outcome of any given date or interaction—I have newfound confidence.

With that confidence I’ve been engaging in a challenging but very rewarding bout of cold approaching.

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SubscribeStar Saturday: Celebration of Life for Bob Gunn – Remarks

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Earlier this year one of my dear colleagues, Bob Gunn, passed away after suffering from a stroke.  He had worked at my school since its founding in the mid-1990s, and was an integral part to its operation, its culture, and its legacy.

Tonight (Saturday, 22 June 2024), my school is hosting a celebration of life service in honor of Bob, his legacy, and his memory.  I’ve been asked to say a few words, which I have included in this post.

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SubscribeStar Saturday: Don’t Panic—God Is with Us!

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Introduction

What do we do when it feels like God Is nowhere to be found?  That question comes up again and again in the Gospels and, indeed, throughout Scripture.  Of course, we know that God Is Always with us; at least, we know that intellectually.  But there are times when we feel that He Has Abandoned us, even when we know that He Keeps His Promises.

Let us turn to tonight’s passage, the unusual story of the Boy Jesus at the Temple during the Feast of Passover:

Luke 2:41-52 (ESV):  The Boy Jesus in the Temple

41 Now his parents went to Jerusalem every year at the Feast of the Passover. 42 And when he was twelve years old, they went up according to custom. 43 And when the feast was ended, as they were returning, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem. His parents did not know it, 44 but supposing him to be in the group they went a day’s journey, but then they began to search for him among their relatives and acquaintances, 45 and when they did not find him, they returned to Jerusalem, searching for him. 46 After three days they found him in the temple, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. 47 And all who heard him were amazed at his understanding and his answers. 48 And when his parents [alternatively, “they”] saw him, they were astonished. And his mother said to him, “Son, why have you treated us so? Behold, your father and I have been searching for you in great distress.” 49 And he said to them, “Why were you looking for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?” [alternatively, “about my Father’s business”] 50 And they did not understand the saying that he spoke to them. 51 And he went down with them and came to Nazareth and was submissive to them. And his mother treasured up all these things in her heart.

52 And Jesus increased in wisdom and in stature [alternatively, “years”] and in favor with God and man.

Context

I have always found this passage to be particularly confounding.  It comes at the end of the long, famous, second chapter of Luke, the chapter we all know so well, and which we read aloud every Christmas.  The chapter consists of several scenes from Jesus’ early Life:  His miraculous Birth (v. 1-20); His Circumcision and Naming (v. 21); His Dedication at the Temple and the incredible story of Simeon (v. 22-35); Anna’s praises to God, and her instant recognition of Jesus as the Messiah (v. 36-38).  Then Mary, Joseph, and Jesus return to Nazareth until this passage.

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SubscribeStar Saturday: Conversation with My Congressman

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Yesterday I had the opportunity to sit down with my US Congressman, Russell Fry, to discuss issues and concerns facing my little town.  Among the attendees was the mayor and another councilmember, as well as two of the Congressmen’s employees in the district.  It was a rare opportunity to sit face-to-face—and I literally sat right across from Congressman Fry—for an hour with a member of Congress to talk about problems and possibilities.  It was not a “town hall” or a campaign event or the like, so it was about as unfiltered and direct as a business meeting with a professional acquaintance.

There was definitely some politicking going on, to be sure, but it was of the subtle, “we’re-here-to-help” type.  On our end, we wanted to present some of the critical needs of the town in the hopes of getting some guidance on obtaining additional grant funds—and, of course, with the hope that our congressman might someday steer some succulent pork our way.  I dislike the sort of rentier system that seems to drive politics in the United States, but with an all-powerful federal government and hamstrung State governments, little municipal governments have to beg like any other interest group, hat in hand.

That said, it was a productive conversation.  The gist of Congressman Fry’s advice to us was “apply for grants, and let us know when you are doing so; we can offer support.”  Naturally, we already apply for any grant we can, but as he pointed out, small towns like ours don’t have a built-in “professional class” of grant writers and government apparatchiks who can constantly lead us to pools of federal dollars, at which we can subsequently engorge ourselves.

That was the relatively “unsexy” but, arguably, most important part of the meeting, at least as far as the Town of Lamar, South Carolina is concerned.  We pointed out our desire to pump and sell our own water again, and to several water and sewage projects that we need to address now.  I also pointed out that all the ARPA funds from a few years back essentially just created massive inflation in the construction industry, as contractors realized they could put forward bloated bids.  As such, even with that federal funny money slushing around in our coffers, the availability of said money simply priced most projects out of our reach.

Thus, the catch-22 of government:  small towns, sadly, depend upon the largesse of the State and federal governments to survive and perform their most basic functions, but that very same largesse inflates projects beyond the towns’ ability to pay.  It’s a vicious, inflationary cycle, that is further exacerbated by, well, general inflation.

But what about the sexy part of the meeting?  What about when I started to grill my congressman on Ukraine, the J-6 political prisoners, and more?

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SubscribeStar Saturday: Spring Jam 2024 Postmortem

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On Friday, 24 May 2024 I hosted the fourth annual Spring Jam Recital on my front porch.  It is one of two front porch recitals I host each year, the other being the Spooktacular in October.

This year’s Spring Jam was the smallest one yet.  I always host the event the Friday of Memorial Day Weekend, primarily because it is the night before graduation for my school’s seniors, so many families are still in town.  However, the combination of graduation season (which means graduation parties) and the holiday weekend mean it is a potentially dicey weekend in terms of schedules.

So far, I have been fortunate to have a large number of students who attend and play, but this year, Fate cut differently and we had a much smaller crowd than usual.  Even so, we had a blast.

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SubscribeStar Saturday: Yet Even More Graduation Day Wisdom

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Another graduation ceremony is upon us, signaling the end of the school year and the beginning of another summer vacation.  The grand cycle of the academic calendar continues, coming to a stately close after a few hectic months.

Last year I predicted that my chances of being asked to speak at commencement increased from 1% to about 5%.  That was overly optimistic; given that we don’t have speakers at commencement besides the valedictorian and the salutatorian, I’d put the odds at less than 1%.

Even if we did have a member of faculty speak, I think my chances would improve only slightly.  I’m a good teacher, and well-spoken when working from a prepared text, with a rich, buttery voice made for radio.  But I’m not one of the “glamorous” teachers.  My administration is very fixated on photogenic and youthful teachers—essentially, they want the face they put to the public to be wildly attractive.

I get that, and while I’m a handsome-ish dude and a dynamic music teacher, I’m too much of an iconoclast to fit into the mold.  I don’t check any sexy diversity boxes, and I don’t hang around the front office like desperate courtesans trying to win the favor of the king.  Perhaps if I did play politics a bit more I’d be a more likely candidate, but I have no desire or inclination to do so.

But I digress.  If I were to speak at graduation, I’d have some spicy-but-pedestrian bits of wisdom to share with the Class of 2024.

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SubscribeStar Saturday: Graduation Season 2024

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Graduation season has matriculated for yours portly.  Indeed, college graduations have already been rolling on for a few weeks now, with a flurry of graduation photos and heartfelt Facebook posts accompanying the accomplishments of young people across the land.  My school observed a graduation ceremony for our eighth graders last night, continuing the long-standing tradition of watering down “graduation” to apply to any milestone.  Never mind kindergarten graduation ceremonies; pretty soon we’ll be having graduation ceremonies for when youngsters leave the house to head to school for the first time.

Regardless, it is a season of joy and celebration, and there is something to be said for all of that pomp and circumstance (and the constant playing of Elgar’s “Pomp and Circumstance No. 1,” which is echoing across the land even as I write, I’d wager).  Nowadays graduations are largely an opportunity for mothers to take thousands of pictures of their children (which likely explains the explosion of “graduations” referenced earlier), but they still hold certain symbolic and cultural importance.

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SubscribeStar Saturday: Universal Studios 2024

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Last weekend my family made one of our iconic pilgrimages to Universal Studios in Orlando, Florida.  I took a couple of personal days earlier this week (burning through the rest of them for the soon-to-end school year) and we enjoyed an extended visit.  It was the first time since August that all of us were there—my parents, both of my brothers, my sister-in-law, my niece, and two nephews.  Nine people in Universal Studios is fun and logistically difficult at the same time—ha!

As I’ve written on this blog before (and in my highly unsuccessful book Arizonan Sojourn, South Carolinian Dreams: And Other Stories), Universal Studios is the proverbial “happy place” for yours portly.  I don’t require much excitement, but there is something comforting about strolling through Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure, even in painfully hot Florida weather.  It’s also the one place yours portly truly cuts loose financially, where I allow myself some budgetary leeway and enjoy the fruits of my considerable labors.

This trip we tried something a bit different.  My younger brother, the family’s “cruise director,” as I call him, has hit upon a unique strategy for getting the most out of Universal Studios in a limited amount of time via gaming the on-site hotel perks.  It made it feasible for a large group of people during a busy weekend to experience most of both parks (Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure) in two full days.

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SubscribeStar Saturday: Spring Concert 2024 Postmortem

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My students’ big Spring Concert was this past Tuesday, 30 April 2024—the perfect way to finish out a super busy month.  T.S. Elliott wrote in The Wasteland that “April is the cruellest month,” and for yours portly, it’s true—it’s my busiest month of the year at work, and I always seem to come down with a gnarly sinus infection during the height of it, largely (I suspect) due to exhaustion.

But April is also the coolest month because my students get to showcase their talents at our awesome concert.  This year’s concert was overstuffed with goodness, like a really comfortable, worn couch that also produces high quality rock ‘n’ roll.

Perhaps that’s not the most elegant or eloquent metaphor.  What I mean is that the concert was long, but good.  The length was the result of structural issues:  we had to incorporate Dance, Choir, my Middle School and High School Ensembles, and various soloists.  Rather than trim the fat (and, to be clear, there wasn’t much fat to trim) and shortchange my students, I leaned into it, producing a concert that was a bit over two hours.

To be clear, my goal is always to get to one hour, maybe ninety minutes.  Seventy-five minutes is a good compromise.  But with the Choir director insisting on featuring five beautiful but laborious choral pieces, and Dance students doing their arrhythmic gesticulating, it tends to pad out the runtime.  My thought is, why should my students suffer because we’ve expanded our offerings in the performing arts?

My administration was not pleased with the length, but as I pointed out to them, it’s the same as going to a varsity baseball game on a Tuesday night, and we never complain about those.  Further, my Karen-esque boss hosts two large, lengthy beauty pageants each year, also on school nights, which easily match or exceed the length of my concert.  Quite frankly, I’m tired of compromising on this issue.  If athletics and the boss get whatever they want when it comes to length of programs, I’m going to pursue the same tactic.

But I digress.  That’s material probably best left behind the paywall, but I’m pretty ticked off at my administration right now, and frankly don’t care if they stumble upon this rant.  Regardless, the concert was awesome, and my students did extremely well.  Seriously, it was the best one yet.

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