One Southerner's unique, erudite, conservative perspective in a hectic world
Author: The Portly Politico
Tyler James Cook is a singer-songwriter in Lamar, South Carolina. He is formerly of The Lovecrafts and Brass to the Future, and currently performs regularly as a solo artist at local open mic nights. He sings and plays sax, keys, and a little bass. He loves songwriting contests, even if he isn't cool or talented enough to win them. He won the 2012 Artsville Songwriting Contest's People's Choice Prize for his original song "Contest Winner."
He also maintains _The Portly Politico_, a politics and culture blog, at https://theportlypolitico.wordpress.com.
We’re really getting into the dregs with these worst movies. This point is where it starts getting hard for me, too—it’s easy to write about any movie, but having to think about the worst ones is surprisingly difficult.
As I had to travel out of town this weekend for a late family member’s memorial service, I decided to use the tactic to which all bloggers must, at times, resort: reusing an older post.
The film is legitimately bad, and I really would place it on this list. So, why not kill two birds with one bad film?
It’s hard to believe that it’s the 150th edition of Lazy Sunday. Honestly, it felt like I’d already hit that milestone, but here we are.
I don’t have anything special to mark the occasion, just some more choice movie reviews for your reading delectation. These are the first reviews of 2022, from the cold, lonely months of January, when all I want to do is eat DiGiorno pizzas and watch crummy movies (but these are all quite good):
“Monday Morning Movie Review: Boys from County Hell (2020)” – Boys from County Hell (2020) is a comedic vampire movie that takes place in rural Ireland. It seems that international horror flicks are some of the best lately, as they aren’t quite as bound by the conventions of modern American horror, which just seems to be a bunch of jump scares and loud noises. The premise is straightforward: in the small, dying town of Six Mile Hill, there is a stone cairn in the middle of a farmer’s field. The cairn is said to be the grave of Abhartach, an ancient Irish vampire who is said to have been the inspiration for Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Turns out local legend is true, and the residents wrestle with an ancient vampire.
“Monday Morning Movie Review: Nobody (2021)” – Nobody (2021) depicts Hutch Mansell (now one of my favorite movie protagonist names) going about his mundane daily routine, until two burglars break into his home. It begins a sequence of revenge that reveals there’s more to Hutch Mansell than meets the eye.
These are all winners this week. Watch them all if you can.
My thinking on dogs has done nearly a 180-degree turn—maybe a 150-degree turn?—over the past few years. I’ve always liked dogs (so I was already thirty degrees in their favor), but I disliked dog people. I still would not classify myself in that way, though I do serenade my dog, so maybe I’m just in denial.
Regardless, what chapped me was the way people would use dogs as surrogate children, or would invest huge amounts of their personal identity in their dog. Again, perhaps I’m in denial, or blind to reality, but as much as I love my dog, I’d like to think I’m not pouring misdirected paternalism into her.
But dogs do provide wonderful companionship, and can be a great deal of fun. Murphy does something comical or amusing just about every day. And her adenoidal snoring and “talking” crack me up. I actually sleep better when Murphy is snoring her brains out—she’s like a living white-noise machine.
Pretty crazy these chunky furballs used to be wolves, eh?
Last summer I suddenly, inexplicably went a bit dog crazy. I was not looking for a bull terrier at all, but stumbled upon one on at Petfinder. I spoke with a representative from BTRM, and we realized that that particular dog would not be a good fit for me due to his advanced age and delicate health issues.
She put my information into their database and said it might be a few months before a dog came available in my area. One week later, while moving a then-girlfriend to Athens, Georgia, I got a call from BTRM asking me to foster an older girl who was good with children and other dogs.
Today (Tuesday, 14 June 2022) we have primary elections in South Carolina. I’ll be honest, I haven’t followed these races nearly as closely as I should have been, but the bigone is the Republican primary for South Carolina US Congressional District 7.
The current occupant of that position, Congressman Tom Rice, infamously voted in favor of the impeachment of President Donald Trump following the 6 January 2021 protests over the fraudulent election. That single vote has haunted Tom Rice, who was first elected in 2012, then the 7th Congressional District was created, ever since.
I like Tom Rice. He’s was overwhelmingly pro-Trump, that one vote notwithstanding. He’s been pretty good on the House Ways and Means Committee. He’s brought a lot of important infrastructure projects to the district, like the inland port. He’s also a very sweet, congenial man one-on-one.
But that one vote. Perhaps it’s silly to vote against a man based on one vote, when almost all the others cut the other way. That’s certainly what Rice’s team is hoping South Carolinians in District 7 will think.
But that one vote was a betrayal so deep, most of us can’t abide it.
We’re cruising right along into the second half of the long countdown of worst films. The ball is back in Ponty’s court, and he’s picked a real doozy to mark the halfway point.
Is there anything wokery hasn’t poisoned with its foolishness? Apparently, Ponty’s pick for #5, 2021’s Jungle Cruise, suggests not. A movie based on a theme park ride worked before for Disney, but that was a bit of a fluke; taking an even more obscure ride, then adding in loads of anachronistic presentism, was hoping for too much, even for The Mouse.
One of our regular readers and commenters, Alys Williams, is always wanting me to review flicks with bonnets andBiedermeier,but even those films are jumping on the identity bandwagon. I have no problem with black people in movies—I mean, who doesn’t love Blade (1998)?—but a black English queen is too much. Why? Because it’s not historically accurate!
Sure, historical fiction can embellish some details here and there, but we’re really straining suspension of disbelief when a Nigerian portrays a Viking. Imagine casting Chris Hemsworth as an African Pygmy—he’d stick out like a sore giant.
But I digress. On with Ponty’s hilarious review of 2021’s Jungle Cruise:
We’re back at the movies again this Lazy Sunday with an interesting trio: a Christmas-themed horror flick; a 1970s exploitation film; and a Spanish-language historical drama. Guess which I enjoyed the best—the answer may surprise you!
“Monday Morning Movie Review: The Skin of the Wolf (Bajo la piel de lobo, 2018)” – Talk about a poignant and complex (thematically) film: 2018’s The Skin of the Wolf really grabbed me. A lonely hunter, living in isolation, desires a wife. His first, with whom he shares a soft-spoken love, dies from disease and the strenuous nature of mountain life. His second—the first wife’s sister—plots to undermine him in order to escape what she sees as a loveless, brutish marriage. Both are right, and both are wrong, for different reasons. A must-watch.