TBT^16: Road Trip!

All the recent fracas over Cracker Barrel changing its logo (an incredibly stupid move—people go to Cracker Barrel because it’s kitschy Americana with old photos hanging on the wall and Uncle Herschel leaning against a barrel) brings to mind another all-American institution:  the road trip (naturally, the best place to eat on a road trip is Cracker Barrel).  Yours portly hasn’t been able to do much of what would technically be considered “road tripping,” but I have been driving a lot.  Between going to see Dr. Fiancée, attending family events, playing piano in another town on Sundays, and running distant errands, I’ve been keeping the road hot.

Of course, here in the United States we just observed one of our major road trip holiday weekends, Labor Day.  It’s the last big vacation weekend before we slowly creep into autumn.  I can attest that the cars and the cops have been out in force.

These days, I only really want to take road trips with Dr. Fiancée, but those will have to wait until she finishes residency.  Otherwise, I’d much prefer just driving to and from work—and to see her!

With that, here is 5 September 2024’s “TBT^4: Road Trip!“:

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SubscribeStar Saturday: Myrtle Beach 2025: Ripley’s Believe It or Not!

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My brothers and I took an overnight trip last weekend to Myrtle Beach.  Growing up, we would go to Myrtle Beach every summer for our dad to attend a big public works conference.  While he languished away in conference sessions all day, our mom would take us all over Myrtle Beach to various attractions.

Naturally, we have fond memories of these annual trips, and we have several regular spots we like to check out on our visits as adults.  One is the weird, wacky museum (for lack of a better word) that is Ripley’s Believe It or Not!

Ripley’s is named for the famed cartoonist Robert Ripley, who started his Believe It or Not! concept as a newspaper column.  Ripley travelled the world and scrupulously documented everyone of his claims, even employing a team of researchers to help corroborate the wild facts that came pouring in from his journeys and his readers alike.  Ripley built his first museum of oddities, which he called an “Odditorium,” in Chicago in 1933.  He was also responsible for mobilizing public opinion in favor of making “The Star-Spangled Banner” the official national anthem of the United States (Congress passed a law, which President Herbert Hoover signed into law, in 1931, making the song the official anthem).

Ripley’s “Odditoriums” capture something of the spirit of a circus sideshow while also being, essentially, cosmopolitan museums of anthropology and natural history.  If all of the artifacts, human remains, fossils, animals, etc., in a Ripley’s were presented less sensationally, almost all of them would fit nicely into the environment of your standard history or natural history museum.  Ripley’s, however, goes a step further, and makes these weird, scary, cool things even more weird, scary, and cool by way of a mysterious, slightly sleazy, very sensationalistic presentation.

Consider that the name of the “Odditoriums” officially end with an exclamation point:  Ripley’s Believe It or Not!  Almost every placard has a nice exclamation point in its description, adding that extra level of grammatical excitement.  It really draws attention to how wild, crazy, and/or unusual the factoid is, which just makes it even more memorable.

Then, of course, there are the artifacts themselves.  Some are replicas; some are full-sized wax figures; some are actual artifacts.  I was surprised by the sheer number of actual human remains on display in the museum, from shrunken heads to limbs to mummies.  There are additionally wax reproductions of people with strange deformities, like a man with two pupils and irises in each eye; a Chinese man with a candle implanted into his skull; and a woman with a horn growing out of her head.  There’s even a model of a pig, John Arnold, with six legs (and he’s from Darlington, South Carolina!):

The museum has a fun, often spooky, slightly dangerous feel to it, even though it is perfectly safe.  It very much conjures up that sensation of being at a weird circus or county fair, with all sorts of freaks and oddballs skulking about.

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Phone it in Friday XCVI: YouTube Roundup LCVI: Mass Transit

Somehow, some of my most popular content on YouTube has been very short videos of public transportation.  No, they aren’t people behaving badly on mass transit; they’re literally just videos of various modes of transport.

Perhaps I’ve tapped into some strange niche.  Or maybe the algorithm just liked that I was posting videos from more populous regions during my recent trip to Indianapolis.

Regardless, here are some trains and planes (no automobiles, sorry) for your enjoyment:

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TBT^4: Touring the Solar System in Rural Maine

One of these days, I’m going to head up to Maine and do this tour of the Solar System.  I was talking to Dr. Fiancée, and she is onboard, as she is with any travel proposal.  The real question is now will we do it, but when we will do it.  That remains to be seen.  At this point, it’s as amorphous as an intergalactic gas cloud.

With that, here is 13 June 2024’s “TBT^2: Touring the Solar System in Rural Maine“:

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SubscribeStar Saturday: Indianapolis Trip with Back to the Future (1985)

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Last weekend I flew up to Indianapolis to see Back to the Future (1985) in concert, meaning that a live symphony orchestra performed the Alan Silvestri score.  My older brother, who lives in Indianapolis, found the concert, which was performed by the excellent Indiana Symphony Orchestra.

The funny thing is that my brother and I did not realize they were screening the film until we arrived at the venue; we thought it was just going to be music from the movie, not music with the movie.  My brother was skeptical until we went to our seats, and saw a massive screen suspended above the orchestra:

The venue itself was pretty cool; it is an historic theatre located on Indianapolis’s famous Monument Circle:

They also had a classic DeLorean parked out front:

I typically drive up to Indianapolis once a year to see my older brother, but this trip required me to fly up and back in the span of about thirty-six hours.  I was really impressed with how smoothly American Airlines made the whole process.

I have not always had the best experiences flying, but this trip the airline did not seem to treat me like cattle to be abused and mistreated.  It’s also amazing how easy it is to fly when you can just toss everything into a bookbag.

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Held Hostage by a Trans Autist at McDonald’s

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A couple of weekends ago I played a gig in Hampstead, North Carolina, located a bit to the north of Wilmington, North Carolina.  One time-honored tradition of any road trip is the obligatory stop at McDonald’s.

According to my budgeting software, the last time I had been to a McDonald’s (at least on my own dime) was March 2024, so this visit was my first to a McDonald’s location in slightly over a year.  That March 2024 visit was the inspiration for my post “McDonald’s: A Vision of Our Dystopian Future,” which I reblogged two weeks ago.  After that odd, filthy experience, I figured it would some time before I darkened the double arches again.

But there’s something about eating one of those pathetic little cheeseburgers late at night on the road that holds a certain allure for yours portly.  I actually really love the basic McDonald’s cheeseburger, even though the bun has the consistency of moist Styrofoam and the patty is thinner than stick bug.  That pickle—that single, succulent pickle brings the entire sandwich together.

So it was that I found myself fumbling with the McDonald’s app late that Saturday night, rocketing through the inky night of empty eastern North Carolina, placing my order for a large, two-cheeseburger combo and using a 30% off coupon.  I soon found myself in an unknown town in an unfamiliar part of rural North Carolina, pulling up to a McDonald’s my app insisted had already closed its dining room.  When I saw people coming and going freely from the dining room, I decided to go inside to see if I could avoid the heinously long drive-through line.

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SubscribeStar Saturday: Universal Studios 2025

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This past weekend I took my first trip of the year to Universal Studios, a perennial destination for my family.  February is always a fun time to go, as the Mardi Gras decorations and theming are out in full force.  I’m not a big Mardi Gras guy, but it’s fun to see French Cajun decadence on full display, albeit in a sanitized, commercial form.

It was a whirlwind weekend, as trips to Universal Studios always are.  We kicked things off with a hastily-planned birthday for my grandfather, who turned 90 (!) this past Tuesday.  That necessitated a rapid retreat from school on Friday to link up with my younger brother and his wife and kids, so we could all drive down to our old hometown together to meet the family for dinner.  Needless to say, I slept like a big fat baby after a busy Friday and a bulging barbecue buffet belly.

The trip began early Saturday morning, with my parents meeting us at my younger brother’s house, and we commenced to convoy down to Orlando, Florida.  The drive is not that bad, and we break it up with a bathroom stop (or two) and a trip to Cracker Barrel.

(For my English readers, Cracker Barrel is a country cookin’—note the dropped “g”—restaurant that, like Mardi Gras at Universal Studios, is a sanitized, commercialized simulacrum of a “meat-and-three”; that is, a form of restaurant that serves “comfort food” like fried chicken, usually with three vegetables or sides.)

We actually managed to get away quite early and make good time, so that we were in the park around 4:30 PM Saturday.  My older brother had flown in from Indianapolis and had already spent a full day in Islands of Adventure, so we synced up with him and commenced our adventure.

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TBT^2: More Mountain Musings

It’s been awhile since I’ve been to the mountains—the last trip was hiking with a friend of mine in early August—and the mountains of western North Carolina were devastated during Hurricane Helene.  One does not typically associate the Appalachian Mountains with severe hurricane damage, but there you have it—the hurricane hit in just such a way that western North and South Carolina suffered terrible damage.  My hometown of Aiken, South Carolina still has massive piles of leaves and tree trunks awaiting pickup from overextended State work crews, and it’s been two months since the storm.

Regardless, it’s fun to look back on my various mountain adventures.  I find that I need to get up to the mountains periodically to rest and recharge.  I’m not sure when I’ll get back up there again, but I’m looking forward to it, hopefully with Dr. Girlfriend, her dog, and Murphy along for the fun.

With that, here is 18 January 2024’s “TBT: More Mountain Musings“:

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SubscribeStar Saturday: In Search of Power Plugs at Universal Studios

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Yours portly recently returned from one of his many trips to Universal Studios in Orlando, Florida.  It was a fun-filled trip with my family.  We rode all the classic rides, ate all the classic foods, and bought all the classic souvenirs.  It was a testament to middle-class frivolity and excess, which is what vacation is supposed to be here in the United States.

Readers will know all about my prior excursions to Universal Studios; indeed, there’s an essay or two about my trips there in my poor-selling second book, Arizonan Sojourn, South Carolinian Dreams: And Other Adventures (that’s an Amazon Affiliate link; I receive a portion of the proceeds from any purchase made through that link, at no additional cost to you; I also get royalties if you buy the book!).  There’s not much that I haven’t already said about the vaunted theme park and its many fun attractions.

So I thought I’d focus a bit on a side quest, of sorts, that I embarked upon during our visit.  I have an aging iPhone SE.  The phone possesses a battery that is well past its prime and in need of service.  As yours portly does quite a bit of business (and pleasure) via phone, I haven’t taken the plunge to send it off to get replaced.  The idea of being phone-less for a week is rather daunting, my past anti-cellular rants notwithstanding.  Yes, I’m a hypocrite, dear reader, and a proud one.

At this point, I am essentially going to use the phone until I can easily obtain a replacement, and seamlessly port my service to a new phone—no need for that painfully long period of disconnected existence.  Of course, the downside is that I wandering in this world with a phone battery with less charge than a hand-turned jack-in-a-box.  Couple that with a niece and nephews hungry to the fast-paced world of mobile gaming, and you can see the kind of low-battery predicament yours portly found himself in this past weekend.

So, the side quest:  I was on a constant, vigilant hunt for power outlets during our trip.  It may surprise you, but Universal Studios does not exactly have easily accessible power outlets thrown out into the world on full display, eagerly awaiting the powerful connection of a pronged interloper thrusting into its sockets.  As such, I quickly learned the subtle art of eagle-eyed socket detection.

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