Guest Post: photog of OCF: The Honeymooners – Complete Series Review – Overview

3 July 202426 June 2024 The Portly Politico4 Comments

Back when I was getting into blogging again, I forged an unshakeable alliance with photog, the proprietor of the blog Orion’s Cold Fire. We used to cross-post on each other’s blogs a tad more frequently, but have not done so in awhile.

So I was thrilled when good ol’ photog reached out about the possibility of doing so. At the time of writing, I’m still brainstorming what I will submit to him, but by the time you read this post, I’ll have done so (God Willing)! Indeed, I imagine my post on his blog will publish in roughly the same timeframe as his submission here.

photog has a softness for classic television. For example, in 2019 he did an episode-by-episode review of The Twilight Zone (1959-1964), which is probably one of my favorite events in blogging history. He did the same episode-by-episode reviews for Star Trek: The Original Series (1966-1969). If you’re a fan of sci-fi and weird fiction, photog is your man.

He is continuing that fondness for 1950s and 1960s television with this complete series review of another classic, this time a comedy. With that, here is photog of Orion’s Cold Fire with a complete series review of The Honeymooners (1955-1956):

Monday Morning Movie Review: Hard Rock Zombies (1985) and Hard Rock Nightmare (1988)

27 November 202326 November 2023 The Portly Politico4 Comments

Ah, yes—the air is turning crisp and cool. Stores are bustling with busy shoppers. Christmas music is blaring across the land.

What better time of year to review two little-known 1980s flicks with “Hard Rock” in their titles?

So it is that I’m diving into a twin review of two quite different films: Hard Rock Zombies (1985) and Hard Rock Nightmare (1988).

Monday Morning Movie Review: Puppet Master I-III (1989, 1990, 1991)

13 November 202312 November 2023 The Portly PoliticoLeave a comment

Good old Shudder has been putting up some real classics of schlock lately, and that includes the first three films in the popular direct-to-video Puppet Master series. These are not good movies, but they are a fun distraction.

The brainchild (children?) of Charles Band, whose entire career seems to have been dedicated to churning out super low-budget horror films with a strong sense of self-awareness, I remember the various Puppet Master flicks being terrifying as a kid.

For context, my parents did not plop five-year old Portly down in front of Puppet Master. The early 90s were the golden age of direct-to-video flicks ending up on cable as reruns years later. Somehow, at some point, I caught a few minutes of one of the films, and was thoroughly spooked.

Consider: as a kid, the prospect of murderous, spooky-looking puppets coming to life is pretty scary. I’m sure everyone reading this blog—even my older readers, who probably got a cedar log and an orange for Christmas—had at least one weird, creepy toy, and had some vague dread that it was filled with malice intent. My mom had these creepy dolls that were supposed to be a little boy and a little girl, with heads made from some kind of 1960s-era molded plastic. Those things still give me the jeebies.

So, do they hold up years later?

Monday Morning Movie Review: Back to School (1986)

28 August 20235 August 2023 The Portly Politico3 Comments

As readers are doubtlessly tired of reading, classes at my school resumed last Wednesday, 16 August 2023. Today marks the first full week of classes, which means that we’ll all be settling into a typical school year routine quite soon.

Modern education, like any institution, creates its own culture, complete with its own rituals, milestones, rites of passage, “canon events,” and the like. These are all quite familiar to anyone who has attended a public or private school in the United States (and I imagine my British readers have similar milestones): surviving exam week; reciting the Pledge of Allegiance; finding your table in the cafeteria; attending the dance; celebrating homecoming; attending football games; buying back-to-school clothes and supplies; graduating; etc., etc. In the midst of these and other events, students (and teachers) live in, create, and adapt to an ever-changing school culture, the petite dramas—the successes and failures, the triumphs and tribulations—of their lives playing out amid hormones and deadlines.

Naturally, compulsory education provides many ripe fields for reaping and sowing narrative stories. Just a school year has its own rhythm and tempo, so do good stories follow certain “beats,” so it’s only natural that screenwriters find ample storytelling fodder in school. It’s also relatable, as virtually every American has, at one point or another, darkened the door of a classroom, and has enjoyed and/or endured the complicated thickets of modern education.

There are many excellent examples of films that deal with schooling. There are also many terrible ones, as anyone who ever watched melodramatic WB teen shows in the early 2000s can attest. Some of the real gems range from the dramatic—To Sir, with Love (1967)—to the ludicrously funny—Billy Madison (1995).

This week, I’m looking at one on the “ludicrously funny” end of the drama-to-comedy axis, but closer to “good, but not great” on the terrible-to-excellent axis: the 1986 Rodney Dangerfield vehicle Back to School.

Monday Morning Movie Review: Ponty’s Top Ten Best Films: #9: Shaun of the Dead (2004)

26 September 202223 September 2022 The Portly Politico3 Comments

Ponty has been plugging away at this Top Ten Best Films, and as I predicted, he’s suffering from an embarrassment of riches. Doing the bad films was difficult in some ways, but if you call a “bad” film wrong, it’s no big deal—no one would watch it, anyway.

Good films, while rarer, are still abundant enough to make the selection process difficult. Just when you think you have a sense for your list, you’re reminded of some classic that you managed to forget in the depths of your memory hole.

That was my experience when reading Ponty’s #9 pick. I love this film (which came out when I was in college), but somehow it had slipped my mind for consideration in my own list. What a fool I was! As Dr. Samuel Johnson wrote (to paraphrase, since I don’t feel like looking up the exact quotation): “We don’t need to be taught so much as we need to be reminded.” So true!

Well, Ponty did an excellent job reminding me in this impressive review.

With that, here is Ponty’s review of 2004’s Shaun of the Dead:

Monday Morning Movie Review: Portly’s Top Ten Best Films: #9: Uncle Buck (1989)

19 September 202218 September 2022 The Portly Politico3 Comments

This week’s film is going in my #9 slot, but I think it deserves to be much higher. I’ve been busy, though, and have not painstakingly plotted out my top ten, as I’m sure Ponty has done. Instead, I’m going week-by-week with my favorites, including those that are top-of-mind for me.

That said, I love this film, and once this list is finished, I might have to edit the order to the “real” one.

Regardless, it’s my distinct pleasure to review one of the best family comedies ever written, John Hughes’s incomparable Uncle Buck (1989):

Monday Morning Movie Review: Portly’s Top Ten Best Films: #10: Better Off Dead (1985)

29 August 202228 August 2022 The Portly Politico5 Comments

After nearly five months of going through the worst films, Ponty and I have decided to launch a list of what we consider the best films of all time.

I don’t know about Ponty’s list, but for me, I’m treating this list partially as my favorite films of all time. As much as I love writing movie reviews, I’m no professional critic, so what I consider to be the “best” might also just happen to coincide heavily with what I consider to be my “favorite” movies. I’m sure there are technical and artistic grounds on which films could be deemed “better” than others, or the “best” compared to other films, but I’m not necessarily diving into those flicks.

Which brings me to this week’s pick for the #10 ten slot (although, honestly, it could be higher; ironically, it’s here at #10 just because I watched it recently): the 1985 absurdist romantic comedy Better Off Dead:

Monday Morning Movie Review: Ponty’s Top Ten Worst Films: Dead Snow 2 (Død snø 2; 2014)

28 March 202222 March 2022 The Portly Politico12 Comments

Good old Ponty is keeping the lights on at this blog with his submissions. They are welcome at a particularly busy season for yours portly, and especially after traveling to Indiana this past weekend for my older brother’s wedding.

Ponty and I share a love of horror movies, but especially a love of bad movies generally. I tend to be much more forgiving of bad movies, as many of them possess entertainment value in their own right (a premise so crazy the film is interesting, even if the parts don’t fit together; or a film that is “so-bad-it’s-good”). I’m also just not that discerning—or, perhaps, I just like trash.

Whatever the case might be, Ponty doesn’t share my ecumenical approach to films. He calls a spade a spade—and a pile of crap a pile of crap.

As such, he’s submitted the first of a list of ten films he regards as the worst films of all time. I’m dubbing this gloriously long miniseries Ponty’s Top Ten Worst Films. The tentative plan is to post these alternating Mondays in lieu of the usual Monday Morning Movie Review from yours portly. The non-Ponty weeks will be my list of the worst films of all time.l

I’ve kept all of Ponty’s colorful commentary intact; I’ve just added in years for the films, and italicized the titles. I’ve also provided some useful hyperlinks for those looking to learn more about the subject of his ire.

With that, here is Ponty’s review of Dead Snow 2 (Død snø 2, 2014). I don’t know if this is his tenth worst film or his first worst film; either way, he makes it sound pretty bad:

Monday Morning Movie Review: Eat Brains Love (2019)

28 February 202221 February 2022 The Portly Politico11 Comments

There are a lot zombie movies. There are quite a few zombie comedy movies.

Slicing that down further—like a machete slicing through the neck of an undead corpse—is the zombie romantic comedy subgenre. Perhaps the best example of this extremely specific subgenre is 2013’s Warm Bodies, which I believe Helen Liptak recommended I review at some point (I probably should be reviewing that today instead!). That is, indeed, an excellent, heartwarming (pun intended) film.

Instead, I’m reviewing 2019’s Eat Brains Love (also stylized as Eat, Brains, Love), a far inferior film that, despite some poor acting and writing, is not without its own shuffling charm.

Monday Morning Movie Review, Guest Contributor Edition: Wimbledon (2004)

21 February 202216 February 2022 The Portly Politico25 Comments

Regular reader and contributor Pontiac Dream 39—now going by the more cumbersome, but still endearing, “Always a Kid for Today”—surprised me last week with this excellent movie review submission. It’s a review of the 2004 romantic comedy Wimbledon (2004), starring Kirsten Dunst and Paul Bettany. As a Dunstophile, I very much appreciated this review.

It also saved me having to write a review of my own, so that’s always a plus, too. One less post to fret over—woooooot! I’ve left the substance of the review unchanged from what Ponty sent me, other than adding hyperlinks to the films he references, and italicizing their titles.

But enough of my rambling. Here’s Ponty’s/AaKfT’s/Mike’s review of Wimbledon (2004):

The Portly Politico

One Southerner's unique, erudite, conservative perspective in a hectic world

Tag: comedy