Well, dear readers, yours portly finds himself back in his natural state of being—single.
My very sweet girlfriend of the past eight months decided to break things off this past Sunday evening. There was no bitterness or anger involved; it was simply a matter of logistics. Due to our conflicting work schedules—she is a flight attendant, so her schedule varies wildly from week-to-week—and the two-hour distance between us, she decided to end the relationship.
Have no fear—yours portly is doing well. In our discussion, she told me that I am the kindest, most thoughtful, and most mature man she’s ever dated. I think she genuinely meant it, too. But she expressed concerns about being stretched thin between her family, her friends, and me, so I was the one-third that had to be dropped.
The Portly Politico 