Lazy Sunday CCCXCIX: Cruise Haiku

On the last night of our cruise I jotted down some haiku in a very nice journal Dr. Wife purchased for me. I’ve featured what I would consider to be the most “cruise-related” haiku over the past couple of Mondays, although I have some more that will be featured in something or somewhere approximately “whenever.”

In the meantime, here are the two installments of Cruise Haiku in case you missed them:

Happy Sunday!

—TPP

My TripAdvisor Review of Belize City

Poor Belize City. It’s becoming something of a punching bag for yours portly. I wanted to like it so badly, but it was really the most disappointing stop on our recent cruise.

That doesn’t make me a heartless monster. We tipped our tour guide, Omar, and bus driver, as we do for all of our excursions. It was cool seeing a city and a country that I’d never visited before. I appreciated how Omar and our driver improvised to deal with the heavy rain that hit when we made landfall.

But, as I’ve noted ad nauseum, the city itself was a letdown. That’s the heart of a review I completed at Omar’s urging (he came around with a QR code on his phone that we all took a picture of). I’m still not sure I’ve actually reviewed the correct service and/or tour, as the QR code wouldn’t scan properly, but, hey, I tried my best (and gave Omar a shout-out; he was, after all, the man who inspired the genre-defying megahit “Drink the Rum“).

The Doomed QR Code

So, with a dearth of better content to share, here is the full text of my TripAdvisor review (which you can also read here):

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Cruise Haiku II: “Roatán” & “Croatoan”

On the last night of our cruise I jotted down some haiku in a very nice journal Dr. Wife purchased for me. I shared a couple of haiku from that journal last week (read “Cruise Haiku I“). Before returning to the usual round of movie reviews on Mondays, I wanted to share a couple more (at least).

We really loved Roatán in Honduras. It’s an island that has its own unique culture. The mile is around forty-ish miles long, but only four miles wide, with a mountain chain making the spine of the island. It gives the place a feel that somehow blends the beach and Appalachia. The people speak very good—almost accentless—English, while also being largely fluent in Spanish. It also has Bojangle’s and Wendy’s, the former of which made it especially endearing to two Southerners abroad.

As such, today I’m sharing my five-stanza haiku about the island, as well as a shorter one about the doomed colony of Roanoke, where the words “Croatoan” were found carved in a tree. “Croatoan” (sometimes rendered “Croatan”) sounds close to “Roatán”—thus, the inspiration!

Also, per Ponty’s request, I have pictures of Roatán, too!

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Lazy Sunday CCCXCVIII: Cruise Stuff

It’s been nice being back home (even though it was a sad start to last week), but I did enjoy our cruise. I’ve finally lost my “sea legs,” but I’m looking forward to another in the future, although I imagine it’ll be a bit before out next one. That said, I thought I’d share some recent cruise posts:

Happy Sunday!

—TPP

Cruise Haiku I

On the last night of our cruise I cracked open a beautiful, leather-bound journal Dr. Wife got me on one of her discount shopping excursions. I’d been meaning to do some writing about our trip in it, or to jot down some haiku (my preferred poetic form when composing verse). I came up with a few haiku while sitting in the Solarium while a group of rambunctious kids played ping pong just outside (I heard an adult chide them for “crawling around on the floor like animals”). I guess I’m used to writing while kids are being noisy from years of creating from my classroom right next to the gym.

Anyway, here is the first of a few installments of cruise haiku.

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desk globe against black background

SubscribeStar Saturday: Western Caribbean Cruise Review

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Today Dr. Wife and I will be returning from a week-long Royal Caribbean cruise through the Western Caribbean. The cruise left from Tampa on Saturday, 11 July 2026 and returns this morning (Saturday, 18 July 2026). Along the way, we made stops in Costa Playa, Mexico; Roatán, Honduras; Belize City, Belize; and Cozumel, Mexico. It was a jam-packed itinerary with plenty of time for rest—and celebratory gluttony.

Before diving into the details, here were my favorite stops, from most favorite to least favorite:

1.) Roatán, Honduras – they have Bojangle’s! It’s also just a beautiful place with super friendly people.

2.) Cozumel, Mexico – we only saw the touristy area just off of the cruise ship, but you can buy stuff like azithromycin over-the-counter, which is wild.

3.) Puerto Costa Maya, Mexico – we saw Mayan ruins here and drove through a village called “Pineapple Town.”

4.) Belize City – I really wanted to like Belize City, hoping it’d be some kind of Anglo-Caribbean wonderland nestled in Central American. Instead, it was like the rest of Central America and the Caribbean, but somehow worse. I thought British imperialism would have left a bit more of a positive mark on this damp, effluvial city.

This cruise was only my second, but it cemented for me that I am a cruise person.

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aerial view photography of beach

Phone it in Friday CXXXVIII: YouTube Roundup CXCVIII: Sloths, Iguanas, Birds, and Boomers in Roatán, Honduras

Dr. Wife and I are on the penultimate day of our cruise, one last day at sea before we get back to Tampa, and then Charlotte, and then South Carolina. It’s been a really enjoyable trip before she starts her “big girl” job post-residency.

We’ve had several stops on this cruise, including two in Mexico and one in Belize City. Our favorite stop, however, was at Roatán, Honduras.

Roatán is an island off the coast of Honduras. It has the feel of both an island and the mountains, as it’s essentially a forty-ish-mile long mountain range with a width of only four-ish miles, so you’re pretty much in the “mountains” when you set foot on shore.

The day we landed in Roatán, the weather was overcast, but quickly turned rainy. The rain then morphed into a torrential downpour mere minutes after got out of our little Hyundai tour bus at a place called “AJ’s Monkeys and Sloths“; it’s the kind of place where I’m pretty sure the owner and his family live on the premises and charge admission for people to see guinea pigs, spider monkeys, and sloths.

It was pretty awesome. The rain was intense, not unlike the sudden downpours we’ll get in South Carolina on a really hot, humid afternoon in late summer. The soaking rain gave the whole visit something of a festive and adventurous feel. At one point, a gust of wind knocked loose a tarp, which fell upon Dr. Wife and me, which was humorous and only hastened our steps into a cage with a large parrot.

The staff was amazing. They spoke the best English of any of our various tour guides on the trip. Apparently, Roatán has a large English-speaking population. Lots of places had English names attached to them, and Dr. Wife and I cracked up to learn that Bojangle’s—yes, the Southern fried chicken franchise—was ubiquitous on the island. I did a little research (talked to AI), and learned that Bojangle’s experimented with international franchises, and the only one that worked was the initial one in Roatán, where the English-speaking population, coupled with the popularity of spicy fried chicken in the Caribbean and Central America, made it an instant hit.

We also visited an iguana farm, but because the rain cooled things down so much (Dr. Wife actually had the heat running in our stateroom when we returned), they largely stayed in the trees. On a hot day, they apparently descend from the trees and bask and feed on the shore. Also, they are a delicacy, and our tour guide told us that, if prepared properly, they taste “better than chicken.” The owners of this particular iguana farm raise them to protect them from the cook’s pot, so it functions as a sanctuary. They also protect tarpan and some other local fish species that are popular with Honduran cooks.

There was one really obnoxious Boomer grandma on the trip with her two young grandchildren. She kept asking annoying questions in that voice that George Costanza’s mom has, but even more irritating. The cruise line indicated the tour was about four hours, but the actual tour was around three-and-a-half. The lady piped up and asked if we were going to lunch. You could almost hear a mental groan from everyone on the bus. I actually said, “no” from the back of the bus. I’d like to think I was something a a hero that day.

Regardless, here’s a little video about all the stuff we saw in Roatán (including the Boomer lady):

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close up of a pile of chopped wood

Border Towns

The new town where Dr. Wife and I reside is about twenty minutes from the border between North and South Carolina.  When I go up to visit her at her little apartment in North Carolina (she’s living there during the weeks as she finishes up her medical residency), I drive through some tiny South Carolina border towns, places with names like “Tatum” and “McColl.”  The comparatively larger Laurinburg is on the North Carolina side of the border.

These little towns have some interesting features.  On the South Carolina side of the border, they’re tiny.  Tatum is a few ramshackle buildings and a local manufacturer; I’m not sure there’s even a gas station there.  McColl has a bit more going on, but not much.  This section of northeastern South Carolina is very rural, and lies far enough from major Interstates and other population centers that they’re not receiving much beyond commuter traffic, which usually flows out of these communities.

There’s also the people that want to buy fireworks.  On the South Carolina side, there are more and more fireworks stands the closet one gets to the State line.  Even though we’re still two months away from Independence Day, I will see multiple cars parked at these places when I drive by, so there is apparently an appetite for colorful explosives year-round.

Fireworks are apparently lucrative.  On the outskirts of McColl, the last town before hitting the North Carolina border, there is a little floral shop.  It’s cute and sports a faded but fun shade of pink.  On its sign, it advertises flowers—and fireworks.

As one drives closer to the North Carolina border, there are a number of dilapidated—or even entirely missing—video arcades.  I have vague childhood recollections of driving past similar places along the SC-NC border and getting excited that there were video game establishments, but my parents explained they were not arcades like we knew from the mall, but places where people played video poker.  One of these establishments has a garish onion dome a la the Kremlin or the Taj Mahal.  It is completely vacant.

Video poker was legal in South Carolina at some point in the 1990s.  The convenience store next to my late maternal grandfather’s furniture store in Bath, South Carolina had a video poker cabinet (it may have been blackjack), and I remember thinking it was insane that it cost a whopping two dollars to play.  Of course, it was likely illegal for me to play it; even if it weren’t, it was too expensive.

Remember, these were the days when most arcade games cost a quarter to play.  A good game—something really premium—cost fifty cents.  A really awesome, cutting-edge game at, say, Myrtle Beach might cost a dollar.  Two bucks to play a hand of poker or blackjack was outrageous (and not very appealing to a kid, anyway), but I imagine many a workman blew his pay packet at these machines every Friday night hoping to escape their situations (yes, there were desperately poor people in the 1990s).

I briefly (and unfortunately) dated the daughter of one of the guys who invented the video poker machine; he became a drug addict, which is tragic but, like most tragedies, also poetic.  She was a hot mess (emphasis on the mess, not the hot), and was emblematic of what I call “nouveau riche rednecks.”  They’re a type that jump from poverty to wealth too quickly, retaining a great deal of the trashiness associated with riotous country folk.  Imagine the people who spend all their money on four-wheelers and jet skis and $80,000 pickup trucks.

To be clear, I’m just two generations removed from poverty on my father’s side.  But my paternal grandfather and grandmother weren’t that kind of “country” Southerner that seem to be either the best or worst of people.  They were something else, due in large part to their devotion to Christ.  Yes, my Papa worked in the textile mill and Mama was a custodian at the library.  When I was a little kid, and Papa was retired, I thought he was a scrap dealer:  he would drive around in his awesome 1980s Honda Civic hatchback and pick up items people had tossed on the side of the road, then host a huge yard sale every fall.  Papa would boast about how the Save-a-Lot brand canned spaghetti and meatballs had one more meatball per can than Chef Boyardee; it struck me as the wisest thing I’d ever heard.

But I digress.  The point is that we slowly emerged from that milieu.  We did not succumb to the video poker bubble; indeed, I imagine my parents and grandparents were glad to see it go.  Governor David Beasley famously lost his re-election bid in the 1998 South Carolina gubernatorial race to Democrat Jim Hodges in large part because Beasley opposed video poker and a State lottery.  It was an object lesson in how the people will clamor for their own destruction, which is itself proof that they shouldn’t be allowed to gamble.

Well, they can’t get their video poker fix in South Carolina, but crossing the border into North Carolina’s Scotland County immediately presents visitors with multiple cinderblock boxes with neon signs shouting “777” and “Skill Games.”  These hastily-constructed hotboxes host video and other forms of gambling.  South Carolinians itching to risk their paycheck on a pipedream can easily hop the border, just as North Carolinians eager to explode LEGO men in their backyard with bottle rockets and Roman Candles can scuttle on down to South Carolina.

There’s something about that liminal space (to use a favorite buzzword of Internet essayists everywhere) in border regions that brings out the unsavoriness of human nature.  In a zone where legal and cultural and political identities melt into one another, unimagined possibilities gain life.  There are always merchants of vice willing to imagine those possibilities for their desperate customers—for a price.

At least in South Carolina the vice we sell is fireworks, which are more of a fun novelty than a depraved invitation to dark deeds.  I’d rather light up the sky with explosives than descend into the darkness of a vape-filled, cinderblocked gambling dungeon.

SubscribeStar Saturday: Universal Studios 2025

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This past weekend I took my first trip of the year to Universal Studios, a perennial destination for my family.  February is always a fun time to go, as the Mardi Gras decorations and theming are out in full force.  I’m not a big Mardi Gras guy, but it’s fun to see French Cajun decadence on full display, albeit in a sanitized, commercial form.

It was a whirlwind weekend, as trips to Universal Studios always are.  We kicked things off with a hastily-planned birthday for my grandfather, who turned 90 (!) this past Tuesday.  That necessitated a rapid retreat from school on Friday to link up with my younger brother and his wife and kids, so we could all drive down to our old hometown together to meet the family for dinner.  Needless to say, I slept like a big fat baby after a busy Friday and a bulging barbecue buffet belly.

The trip began early Saturday morning, with my parents meeting us at my younger brother’s house, and we commenced to convoy down to Orlando, Florida.  The drive is not that bad, and we break it up with a bathroom stop (or two) and a trip to Cracker Barrel.

(For my English readers, Cracker Barrel is a country cookin’—note the dropped “g”—restaurant that, like Mardi Gras at Universal Studios, is a sanitized, commercialized simulacrum of a “meat-and-three”; that is, a form of restaurant that serves “comfort food” like fried chicken, usually with three vegetables or sides.)

We actually managed to get away quite early and make good time, so that we were in the park around 4:30 PM Saturday.  My older brother had flown in from Indianapolis and had already spent a full day in Islands of Adventure, so we synced up with him and commenced our adventure.

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