The Portly Politico Tax Reform

It’s Tax Day in America, the day when the onslaught of Turbo Tax and H&R Block tax ads reach their fever pitch before the ad buys dwindle away in a desperate attempt to get late filers to pay their taxes.  For months, taxes and tax-related services have carpet-bombed our mental faculties, demanding we make our annual sacrifices to the Imperium.

I did our taxes four times before finally giving up on a potentially large discount (read my tedious, subscriber-only post if you want to know the lurid details).  No software could adequately handle our (admittedly unusual) tax situation, and the federal government rejected our filing three times before I finally [sur]rendered unto Caesar.  I estimate that I spent about twenty hours on our taxes this year, time that could have been spent composing, napping, unpacking, writing, laughing with my wife, researching history, weeding, mowing, showering, cooking—anything more enjoyable and/or productive than convincing Uncle Sam that I did, indeed, teach a bunch of music lessons last year and played several Sundays at a Methodist Church for profit (financial, not spiritual).

I’m not alone.  I’ve seen a number of notes on Substack and YouTube from writers and creators echoing a familiar refrain:  “sorry, no article/video/podcast/interpretative dance tutorial this week, guys:  I’m working on my taxes.”  Sure, the world will keep spinning, and we need some taxes to pay for all those Tomahawk missiles and gender reassignment surgeries for federal inmates—God Forbid we fail to slice up the inmates’ genitalia—but the whole thing is a massive waste of valuable resources.

There’s a reason an entire industry exists around tax preparation—nobody wants to take the time to sit down and go through all that paperwork (except for me and my younger brother, apparently; he ended up handling taxes for not only his family, but for our parents and our elderly, widowed grandmother—God Bless him!).  H&R Block will do your taxes for you!  Even then, you’re paying a few hundred bucks to hand someone else your W-2s and 1099s and what not.  You’re still answering all the same questions as just using the software yourself.  Regardless, you want to spend time not doing taxes, so you shell out the cash.  Some part-time rookie who needs extra cash from January through April looks over your stuff and slaps it together for you, and you get a “refund” (just pre-paid tax back) and feel good.

You shouldn’t!  You gave the federal government a coerced, mandatory, interest-free loan for up to twelve months, and they’re letting you have some of that money back because you maybe loaned them a little too much.  At least split the interest with us!

All of the above is, by now, familiar to every American, to the point that, like most evils (necessary or otherwise), we just grudgingly accept it and try to get through April without the IRS hassling us too much about digging up those shoebox receipts.

My friends, there is a better way.  Or at least a way that would be more convenient for everyone, even if it means Billy Gigeconomy can’t get a few extra bucks doing your taxes for you.  We must end the income tax—or alter it substantially.

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Closing and Taxes

Yours portly has spent the last two nights laboring over income tax returns for Dr. Wife and myself.  My taxes are always a bit unusual because I have so many side hustles (and 1099s as a result), but getting married in late 2025 changed quite a bit.  Apparently, the State of South Carolina treats all income reported on the federal tax return as income due to the State, but you can claw it back to avoid double taxation (which is unconstitutional) by pulling the AGI from another State’s return (in this case, Dr. Wife’s earnings were entirely in North Carolina).  I was shocked to learn that North Carolina has a lower State income tax than South Carolina, especially as we’re the allegedly more conservative of the two Carolinas.  Yeesh!

Quick note:  do not take any of the above as financial or tax advice.  I’m not even sure if I’m explaining all of that correctly (to my younger brother:  don’t panic—I did everything by the book, I just can’t remember every little exact detail at the time of writing, and don’t feel like looking it all up again, but I did it correctly).

As per usual, filling out tax forms reminds me of how much I despise the income tax, in part because it demands that we reveal so much of ourselves to the federal government.  Like with so many things, though, we reveal intimate details about our lives—like how big our home office is—so we can grasp onto a few more of our  own dollars.  At this point, we should do away with all deductions and just charge everyone a flat 5% of their income—or, better yet, abolish the income tax and shift to a flat national sales tax.  It’s way easier to control my spending than to try to calculate what percentage of my cell phone usage was for business purposes.

It’s also frustrating to hustle and scrimp and save all year, only to be punished for it come tax day (and, yes, I should start paying taxes quarterly—that’s coming under the new Dr. Wife/Portly regime).

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Island Living: Vanuatuan Taxes

The FAIRtax folks, who advocate for replacing income and corporate taxes with a unified national sales tax, posted an interesting piece about the remote Pacific nation of Vanuatu (“FAIRtax in Vanuatu?“).  It discusses how the archipelago boasts incredibly low taxes:  a 15% value-added tax (“VAT”), and a business license fee of 5% (presumably, 5% of a business’s total annual revenue).

I’m personally agnostic on the adoption of a national sales tax in the United States.  I do believe it would be much better than the income tax, which I absolutely loathe, and which requires a complex and oppressive bureaucracy to administer.  I also resent sending the IRS all of my personal information every single year, including how many miles I drove and what sheet music I purchased (although those are great for those sweet, sweet tax write-offs).  If it were practical, I’d much rather see a national sales tax, or even a return to old-school tariff regimes.

The problem is that, should we ever adopt a national sales tax, it will likely accompany the national income tax.  A national sales tax also places a great deal of strain on States and localities.  Good luck having a 10% national sales tax and a 6% State sales tax (as we do in South Carolina) and a plethora of local-option sales taxes (about 2% here in Darlington County; higher in neighboring Florence County).  Tack on hospitality taxes, and it adds up fast.

For example, in neighboring Florence County, eating out automatically comes with a 10% sales tax:  the 6% State sales tax, plus local sales and hospitality taxes, totally 10%.  If we had a conservative 10% national sales tax on top, your $5 footlong (already gone—part of America’s mythological past) becomes $6 immediately.  20% sales tax means $1 of taxes for every $5 spent.  A $500 item would cost $600.

still think that’s preferable to the income tax, and instead of creating a disincentive to work, it would create a disincentive to spend.

But I digress.  For a small nation like Vanuatu—population of around 300,000—a national sales tax makes sense.  It’s a small enough area geographically and demographically that it the national sales tax is, essentially, akin to a State sales tax.  As the article from FAIRtax.org notes, the island has something of a clean slate:  no welfare, no government pensions, etc.  Most people are subsistence farmers, and tourism is the major industry.

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