SubscribeStar Saturday: Christmas Concert 2025 Postmortem

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Good afternoon, my loyal subscribers!  Apologies for a late post today; yours portly crashed out after a long but productive day at work yesterday, which included my students’ annual Christmas Concert.

I’ll allow GEOTUS to articulate this sentiment in the way only he can:

Regardless, in the grand tradition of The Portly Politico, it’s time the annual Christmas Concert Postmortem, where I break down the program and how everything went.

For non-paying subscribers, don’t worry—the kids did a fabulous job, as they always do.  My Middle School Music Ensemble (MSME) played three pieces:

  • “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen”
  • “We Wish You a Merry Christmas”
  • “Last Christmas”

And my High School Music Ensemble (HSME) played four pieces:

  • “What Child is This?”
  • “Mary Did You Know?”
  • “Do They Know It’s Christmas?”
  • “O Holy Night”

For whatever reason, the HSME played a lot of songs whose titles are questions.  Don’t ask me why!

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SubscribeStar Saturday: Christmas Play Week!

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This past week involved the intensive preparations for the big Christmas Play, which was last night at my little school.  It’s a pretty big night from a technical perspective, as the Drama Teacher also conducts the Choir and our Dance classes.  As such, all of her students—actors, singers, dancers—all perform as part of a performing arts extravaganza.

It makes for a unique and fun, albeit hectic, experience, and requires yours portly to pull out all of his amateur audio tracks to make it happen.

All of our productions are, out of necessity, staged in the gym, which I call the “Gymnatorium” (at one point, students ate lunch there, too, so it was the “Gymnacafetorium”).  Getting good sound quality, especially for plays, has always been a struggle.

Fortunately, our Athletics Department invested in a new sound system, which offers much more complete coverage than the 15″ speakers I’d been using for years (although those speakers are great).  The problem is that the system came with a new digital mixer (a good thing) that only has six functional channels (that’s the bad part).

Because our productions often require at least a dozen inputs (and frequently more), I had to get creative with the sound system setup, and came up with this bad boy:

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SubscribeStar Saturday: “Tap, Tap, Tap” Draft

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Today I’m offering up the second(ish) draft of my short story “Tap, Tap, Tap.”  Subscribers will have access to the full story; everyone else, enjoy the first part, which sets up the tale of an oddly large beetle with telepathic abilities.

Forgive the odd formatting of the text below; I’m in a bit of a rush and don’t have the time to reformat everything.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Bill woke up, bleary with sleep, to the sound of the tapping.

What now?” he groused, tossing aside his thin blanket. Bill scratched his face, feeling the scruff. I need a good shave, he thought, stretching as he got up.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

There it was again. Must be the pipes. Didn’t the plumber just fix them last week? Bill proceeded to the bathroom and stared at his eyes, still filled with the crust of restless sleep, in the mirror. They were a peculiar shade of emerald green, ringed with dark bags; Bill stretched one eyelid, then the other, as he peered at the bloodshot veins in the grimy mirror.

He splashed some water onto his face. Well, it’s not the pipes… it’d better not be the wiring. Bill picked up his toothbrush, one that had battled plaque far too many times, its bristles gnarled and flattened like a sheep with too much static electricity had a collision with a garbage truck. Bill tossed the brush into the trash and headed to the kitchen.

Tap. Tap. Taptaptap!

It was getting louder now. “Geeze, I can’t afford another repair,” Bill muttered to himself. The kitchen paid testament to Bill’s frustrated utterance. A forlorn and ancient stove sat in the corner, two burners missing. The stovetop was covered in a thin layer of grime, the accumulation of a thousand hasty, one-pan meals. The counters were strewn with crumbs and old newspapers. The fridge, sitting opposite the stove, chugged and moaned, releasing a death rattle every time its compressor shut down. The sink had a persistent, slow drip, which Bill had tuned out long ago.

Taptap! Tap! Ta-tap!

But that tapping! That was new. Bill pulled a half-washed pan from the sink, gave it a quick rinse, then put it on of the two remaining burners. He grabbed a couple of eggs from the fridge, and cracked each into the pan, tossing the shells over his shoulder and into the garbage.

TAP!

Just one this time, near the kitchen trash can. Bill sighed. “Okay, what is going on here,” he said aloud.

Bill felt a tad sheepish—he was utterly alone. Ever since Mirna split two months ago, he’d fallen into a state of squalor. He’d also developed the habit of talking to himself during the long, lonely hours at home. Bill had given up on finding any decent work in the papers about a month ago, but didn’t have the heart to throw the old rags out. Maybe, he had thought after Mirna left, if I can get back on my feet, she’ll take me back.

He shook away the memory of her leaving—of the months of fruitless job and soul searching—and, in a rare moment of renewed self-confidence, resolved to get to the bottom of this tapping business—and then, maybe, to the bottom of the bottle he kept in one of the fading cabinets.

Tap tap! Tap tap!

Bill walked slowly toward the trash. There was something different about this tapping. It didn’t sound electrical, or like the tapping in pipes. It sounded almost organic. As he reached to move the trash can, a prick of pain seized the ring finger of his left hand.

He cried out a slew of curses, shaking his hand in a vain attempt to exorcise the sharp pain. His ring finger throbbed purple-red. At least the skin’s not broken. Bill heard a rapid series of taptaptaptapping as he stumbled towards the fridge for ice.

As he opened the door to the freezer, Bill felt something on his leg—a tentative, careful tap. Bill whirled around, slamming the door of the freezer, sending a dark object running back behind the trash can.

What in the world…” Bill trailed off. There was a rustling behind the trash. I have to see what this thing is, he thought, but I’m not about to get bitten again. Bill’s eyes darted across the room, finally spotting a broom, gathering dust more from lack of use than from its intended purpose. He snatched the broom and, slowly—ever so slowly—pushed it towards the trash can.

Whack! He thwapped the trash can aside, and the dark object skittered up the wall. There it is! Bill thought. “It” was about three feet long and moved with astonishing rapidity. Bill still couldn’t quite make out the thing in the dim kitchen, but he swung the broom like a frantic knight, hacking away at the wall.

Taptaptaptaptaptap! The tapping sounded a rapid tattoo as Bill chased the thing with the broom.

Smack! There it was—Bill hit the thing square in its center of mass, and it fell from the wall, stunned.

Bill peered down—and the thing peered back. Bill stared, transfixed, as the thing reached out, slowly, and gave Bill a single, light tap.

Bill collapsed onto the floor, astonished. The creature before him—for it was, indeed, a creature—bore a strong resemblance to a beetle, but one that would surely be the largest such creature of its kind. The beetle stared up at Bill with four large, black, compound eyes. It emitted a light chittering sound from between its two large mandibles, each of protruded six inches from the head. Its belly was a deep, greenish brown, like moss growing on a dark patch of dirt. Its large, dense shell shimmered with a hypnotic luminescence, shifting subtly through the color spectrum with the creature’s movements. Six legs—four from the thorax, two from the abdomen—twinkled with a more muted luminescence, blending softly into the moss brown belly. The creature stood on two legs and reached towards Bill with the other four.

The beetle—Bill didn’t really know how else to identify it—chittered again, its voice rising to a flute-like tone. There was a sweetness to it, like all of Bill’s best memories were swirled together into a single melody. Beneath it was a gentle tap.

Transfixed, stuck in the beetle’s melodious trance, Bill let the creature’s four shimmering, spindly arms touch his face.

Bill.

Is that the bug? Bill thought.

Yes, Bill. But “bug” is not exactly the precise terminology.

Sweet mother of pearl, this thing is talking to me!

Indeed. You and I are, in this moment, joined.

Joined?” What do you mean? And you’re not a bug?

What I am is of little consequence, Bill. What I can do is what matters.

What you can do? I—

Your life, it is… pathetic, no? Unfulfilled—

Now, wait just a minute here! Sure, things have been t—

I can change that.

Bill paused. Rather, his internal dialogue with the beetle ceased—his mind still raced. Finally, he replied, hesitantly, How?

A thousand images flooded Bill’s mind. Mirna in the dress she wore the night he said he loved her. His tenth birthday, when he finally got the silver-blue ten-speed he’d begged his parents to buy. His first kiss. His first car. His first promotion.

Then new images, images of things yet-to-come, images beyond his wildest imaginings, took the place of the happy memories. Wealth. Power. Success.

Mirna.

The beetle removed his four arms from Bill’s head with a faint tap. Bill set up slowly, holding his forehead, feeling the shallow indents where the beetle had touched him.

I understand.”

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SubscribeStar Saturday: Prehistoric Exploration: Catan: Dawn of Humankind

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Last night yours portly had his raucous bachelor party, which consisted of eating pizza and play board games with my friends at my younger brother’s house.  The board gaming highlight of the evening was playing Catan: Dawn of Humankind (that’s an Amazon Affiliate link; I receive a portion of any purchases made through that link, at no additional cost to you), which my best man purchased as an early wedding gift.

The game can best be described as a blend of the early turns of any Civilization game and Settlers of Catan (more affiliate links), the classic Klaus Teuber game.  The map takes place on Earth, with all players starting with camps and explorers (imagine a blend of the scout and settler in Civ) in Africa.  Players are encouraged via various game mechanics to migrate out of Africa and to explore and populate the rest of the world.

Like classic Catan, the goal is to reach ten victory points.  These points achieved through various means—cultural and scientific development; exploration; and settlement outside of Africa.  Like Catan, players gather four different resources, re-themed to fit the prehistoric setting, by rolling two six-sided dice.  Players may trade these resources or cash triplicates into the bank in exchange for a single resource of another type.

There are some key differences, however:  while Dawn of Humankind is built on the Catan system, it is geared towards exploration and research.  Settlement is a key component of the game, but it’s done by sending out explorers.  Some areas of the map are blocked off by certain research requirements; for example, reaching Australia requires substantial investments into construction (for boats, presumably) and clothing.  Going towards the Arctic requires high clothing investments.  Investing in exploration lets explorers move more quickly, and investing in hunting allows players to move the Neanderthal in Eurasia and the Smilodon (saber-toothed tiger) in the Americas and Australia (these tokens act as the equivalent to the thief in classic Catan.

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SubscribeStar Saturday: Off-Cycle Post-Election Analysis 2025

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Call me Portlyanna-ish, but I don’t think the off-season elections were the dire warning to Trump and Republicans that much of the media—both mainstream and alternative—have made them out to be.  I think there is some cause for concern in the enthusiasm department, but the trumpeting of these elections being a massive victory for the Democrats—and a huge blow to Trump—are more overblown that Michael Moore.

Consider the big three elections that captured most of the media’s focus:  Zohran Mamdani in the New York City mayoral race; Abigail Spanberger and the violent Jay Jones in the Virginia gubernatorial and State attorney general races, respectively; and that lady with a man’s name in the New Jersey gubernatorial race.  None of these races were a real surprise:

  • Mamdani appealed to the base of NYC voters:  recent immigrants, ethnic minorities, and white socialists;
  • Virginia is very blue in a cycle where Trump is not on the ballot and tens of thousands of federal workers—who vote Democratic anyway—are sitting at home, unpaid, who are highly motivated to get back at Trump;
  • and New Jersey is… New Jersey.  It always looks like a State that might fulfill our wildest hopes that, “this year, it’s finally going to happen”—the refrain of every University of South Carolina Gamecocks football fan since time immemorial (I write—painfully—as a Gamecock myself).

Democrats are naturally going to distort—their favorite pastime, it seems—these results as a clear sign that momentum is on their side and that Trump is losing support.  Conservatives should not be amplifying this message if it’s not true.

At best, I think it’s incomplete.

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SubscribeStar Saturday: Spooktaculer 2025 Review

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Well, the 2025 Spooktacular is in the books.  My neighbor called it “the last bachelor Spooktacular,” as it’s the last front porch recital before my wedding.  It is also distinct in that it is very likely the last front porch recital at my current home, as Dr. Fiancée and I are in the process of purchasing a home.  Of course, if my house lingers on the market for an extended period—a distinct possibility in my rural community—we could see a Spring Jam in Lamar in May 2026.  We shall see!

But I digress.  The “last bachelor Spooktacular” was truly a bachelor’s endeavor.  None of my family could attend, and Dr. Fiancée was both sick and up the entire night before on-call.  That meant yours portly had to take care of the preparations solo.

Fortunately, I’d gotten a head-start by working around the house each night after work.  By the time last Saturday rolled around, however, I was absolutely wiped out, and slept in until after 11 AM—a rarity for me.  Dr. Fiancée suspects that I was sick (I repeated the sleeping-in feat the following day), and I had been fighting off a cold most of the week, but even with my delayed start, I managed to get everything done.  I even made my Mom’s legendary Rotel dip, which consists of melting vast quantities of Velveeta “cheese” product and mixing it with two cans of Rotel diced tomatoes and green chilis.  I apparently did it right, because it was a hit.

Regardless, there was still a good bit to do in the yard and on the front porch.  I’m not exactly big on regular cleaning—another quality of my rapidly expiring bachelorhood—and my front porch was looking pretty forlorn.  The yard itself was a bit rough, but my neighbor had mowed it earlier in the week, so I mainly just had to deal with the flower beds and some pruning.

It was a day of little things going awry.  For example, I grill hot dogs for the festivities.  My grill had plenty of propane, but the electric starter wouldn’t work.  When I went to get a stem lighter to light the grill manually, the lighter was out of butane.  I couldn’t locate any matches, so I surrendered and decided to boil the hot dogs (on the plus side, my grill got a good cleaning).  When I made the Rotel dip, I had the heat too high and some of the cheesy goo bubbled over onto my stove.  John’s PA had a faulty cable—and so on.

But, in spite of it all—and I was more stressed than this post is letting on—the event was a success.

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Spooktacular 2025 is Tonight!

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Tonight’s the night—the 2025 Spooktacular!  My students have been working hard on their solos, and it should be a fun night.

I have done a concert around Halloween for years, and started calling it the “TJC Spooktacular” in 2019.  At that point, it was pretty much a solo show, with my buddy John hopping on to accompany me on a few tunes (or for me to accompany him).

During The Age of The Virus, I couldn’t find a venue that would book live music, largely due to concerns about big groups of people in a confined space.  So I conceived of turning my front lawn into a seating area and my porch into a stage.  Thus, the Spooktacular in its modern iteration was born.

That first front porch Spooktacular in 2020 was not a recital for my private music students, but was instead a more self-indulgent concert:  John and I missed playing live music.  I also paid a couple of groups to perform as openers:  one of my students and his punk band—their first live gig—and two of my open mic music friends.

Then I began to transition towards the Spooktacular being a recital for my students.  That helped to attract more people to the event, but also shifted the tone away from “raucous-but-mild-Halloween party” to “family-friendly Halloween party.”  The original Spooktacular was never bacchanalian, but the current recital version is much more focused on family fun.  The costume contest also seems to be a big hit among the little ones, too.

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SubscribeStar Saturday: Long Live the King!

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Cringe-inducing “No Kings” protests are underway all over the nation today, attracting hordes of geriatrics who still think we live in a republic.  Never mind that this time a year ago the nation was ruled by a naked emperor dancing about on marionette’s strings, each thread manipulated by a legion of unelected bureaucrats and Democratic apparatchiks.  No, a robust executive is far more sinister than faceless puppeteers, right?

We all understand these protests are bogus.  Had Kamala Harris won, we’d be knee-deep in tyrannical insanity, likely with the First Amendment and its speech and religious protections fluttering like a tattered banner of surrender in the winds of “progress.”  The streets of our major metropolitan areas would be silent, unless the police got too frisky with a melanin-gifted drug addict, in which case every city would be ablaze and every Wendy’s bereft of its Junior Bacon Cheeseburgers.  Regardless, most of these protestors still cling to the idea that the Constitution is under threat only when Donald Trump is enforcing it, but that the sacred document is perfectly safe when Democrats repeatedly violate it.  It’s a classic example of “crying out in pain as they strike you.”

I for one welcome our Trumpian overlord.  Consider:  in the past few weeks he’s achieved peace in the Middle East—for the second time in his presidencies; he’s nearing some kind of conclusion to the Russo-Ukrainian War; and he’s designated AntiFa as an international terrorist organization (which it most certainly is, seeing as it gets much of its funding from the Chinese Communist Party and George Soros’s Open Society Foundations).

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SubscribeStar Saturday: Makeup Posts!

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Yours portly has been woefully behind the past two weeks with posting SubscribeStar Saturday pieces, so I’ve got three for you today:
Enjoy—and apologies again for the delays!
—TPP

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SubscribeStar Saturday: Systemic Wokeism

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If the assassination of Charlie Kirk highlighted anything, it was the systemic nature of woke Cultural Marxist ideology in our institutions.  Most everyone knew of that sinister influence already—even and especially the Cultural Marxists—but Kirk’s assassination cast the lethal extent of this brainwashing into sharp relief.

There are demonic forces at work in the United States and the West that seek to promote confusion about sex, biology, faith, and Truth.  The reigning mantra of the institutions is to “speak your truth,” “your truth” being whatever subjective set of assumptions and experiences cobble together into a narrowly solipsistic worldview.

It’s the mantra of unmarried women with overpaid jobs that are essentially daycare for grownups.  That’s fitting:  if you’re trying to build a worldview that just encourages people to consume until they die, it makes sense to frame it in the language of advertising and target it towards the demographic that spends the most money.

And in an increasingly feminized world, it’s the sales pitch of a lifetime:  do and be whatever you want, as long as you’re not a mean old conservative.  Worship whatever you want, especially yourself—just don’t worship Jesus Christ, because He Has Rules that might limit “your truth.”  Consume as much as you want—just don’t get your hopes up about buying a house.  Make your family look like whatever you want—just so long as you have god-like powers over slaying unborn children and snipping off your toddler’s wangdoodle when he starts playing with Barbies at his cousin’s house.

There is big money in transgenderism; just ask the Pritzkers, the bizarre family of overweight, moon-faced dwarves investing heavily in gender-altering surgeries.  All of it, it seems, is in service to a devilishly Gnostic belief that technology will allow humans to transcend life and death—that we will truly be our own gods.

The price for these elite fantasies of apotheosis is the price that is always paid to make the waking nightmares of empty people come true:  death and degradation for everyone else.

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