We’re nearly at the bottom, and my pick for this week—2019’s Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker—probably is a bit of a giveaway as to my Number 1 pick.
The Rise of Skywalker is the final film in the Star Wars “sequel trilogy,” itself a bloated mess of plot holes, Mary Sues, wooden characters, and destroyed legacies. It’s not the worst film in the trilogy, but it’s pretty dang close.
When Ponty submitted this week’s review, he made the submission twice, because the first one was apparently so laced with profanity, he believed the delicate sensibilities of my readers might protest. So he resubmitted this review, which, while lacking the language of the original (besides one well-placed f-bomb), still retains the vitriolic evisceration this film so richly deserves.
I vaguely remember when this flick hit the theaters. I was in high school, or just starting college, and the assistant pastor at church apparently watched it with his wife—until he turned it off in disgust. I’ve never watched it, but from Ponty’s review, I’m glad I didn’t. The pastor was right, though you’d think a man of the cloth would have exercised a bit more discretion and discernment before popping this worldly tripe into his DVD player.
When we look about at the state of the world today, and especially of romantic relationships, it’s pretty clear they’re in a bad way. Men and women distrust each other. Everyone is out to get whatever will make them feel good, no matter what the consequences to themselves or others. Broken hearts litter the dating scene like shattered glass in an alleyway.
And it’s all in the name of “love.” Actually, it’s all in the name of lust. Satan is good at taking something beautiful—Biblical love—and turning into a tawdry, disgraceful knock-off.
This film surely is one of myriad examples of Satan disseminating this perverted view of “love” to the masses. Ponty’s review, while uproariously funny and biting, also picks up on this important insight, albeit in a far more entertaining and far less preachy manner.
With that, here’s Ponty’s #2 pick, 2003’s Love Actually:
We’re finally in the top three, and Ponty is in peak vitriolic form with this one. I can’t imagine how badly his second and first picks will be burnt after seeing this thorough roasting.
I was in middle school when 1997’s Titanic released into theaters. It was all the girls talked about for months, including how many times they went to go see this film (a tad disconcerting, considering these were twelve-year olds). I never saw it, and have only seen snippets and chunks on television since then (to my knowledge, I’ve never watched the entire film, at least not in a single sitting).
This film was so huge—such a phenomenon—that I still remember my older brother proclaiming he would not go see it, just so he could say he hadn’t. He wasn’t always the wisest seventeen-year old, but he apparently had some foresight about this one (he’s a tenured professor now).
I won’t say more. Ponty rips into this film like that iceberg into the doomed ship. I’m not sure which is more devastating:
The Portly Politico 