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A couple of weekends ago I played a gig in Hampstead, North Carolina, located a bit to the north of Wilmington, North Carolina. One time-honored tradition of any road trip is the obligatory stop at McDonald’s.
According to my budgeting software, the last time I had been to a McDonald’s (at least on my own dime) was March 2024, so this visit was my first to a McDonald’s location in slightly over a year. That March 2024 visit was the inspiration for my post “McDonald’s: A Vision of Our Dystopian Future,” which I reblogged two weeks ago. After that odd, filthy experience, I figured it would some time before I darkened the double arches again.
But there’s something about eating one of those pathetic little cheeseburgers late at night on the road that holds a certain allure for yours portly. I actually really love the basic McDonald’s cheeseburger, even though the bun has the consistency of moist Styrofoam and the patty is thinner than stick bug. That pickle—that single, succulent pickle brings the entire sandwich together.
So it was that I found myself fumbling with the McDonald’s app late that Saturday night, rocketing through the inky night of empty eastern North Carolina, placing my order for a large, two-cheeseburger combo and using a 30% off coupon. I soon found myself in an unknown town in an unfamiliar part of rural North Carolina, pulling up to a McDonald’s my app insisted had already closed its dining room. When I saw people coming and going freely from the dining room, I decided to go inside to see if I could avoid the heinously long drive-through line.
