Held Hostage by a Trans Autist at McDonald’s

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A couple of weekends ago I played a gig in Hampstead, North Carolina, located a bit to the north of Wilmington, North Carolina.  One time-honored tradition of any road trip is the obligatory stop at McDonald’s.

According to my budgeting software, the last time I had been to a McDonald’s (at least on my own dime) was March 2024, so this visit was my first to a McDonald’s location in slightly over a year.  That March 2024 visit was the inspiration for my post “McDonald’s: A Vision of Our Dystopian Future,” which I reblogged two weeks ago.  After that odd, filthy experience, I figured it would some time before I darkened the double arches again.

But there’s something about eating one of those pathetic little cheeseburgers late at night on the road that holds a certain allure for yours portly.  I actually really love the basic McDonald’s cheeseburger, even though the bun has the consistency of moist Styrofoam and the patty is thinner than stick bug.  That pickle—that single, succulent pickle brings the entire sandwich together.

So it was that I found myself fumbling with the McDonald’s app late that Saturday night, rocketing through the inky night of empty eastern North Carolina, placing my order for a large, two-cheeseburger combo and using a 30% off coupon.  I soon found myself in an unknown town in an unfamiliar part of rural North Carolina, pulling up to a McDonald’s my app insisted had already closed its dining room.  When I saw people coming and going freely from the dining room, I decided to go inside to see if I could avoid the heinously long drive-through line.

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TBT: McDonald’s: A Vision of Our Dystopian Future

Last March I wrote a lengthy post about different experiences at three different McDonald’s, two in different parts of South Carolina, one somewhere in the wilderness that blurs between Georgia and Florida.  According to my budgeting software, the last time I purchased anything from McDonald’s was 17 March 2024, which is shortly before I wrote this post on 20 March 2024.

I like McDonald’s.  I do not like what it has become—overpriced, low-quality fast food.  The classical trade-off of fast food generally, and McDonald’s particularly, is that, in exchange for low-quality food, you get high consistency and low cost.  Now the experience is expensive, inconsistent, and inconvenient.

In other words, it’s not worth it.  I’ve always seen McDonald’s as “travel food”—the kind of cheap crap you shovel into your face on a long road trip because it’s quick, hot, and fairly delicious—not as everyday fare, but there are so many superior options.  Taco Bell is a vastly more affordable fast food experience, and the food is better—and, I’ll risk claiming it, marginally better for you.  I’m not saying Taco Bell is healthy, but a bean burrito is filling and cheap, and way less life-ruining than a Big Mac.

That said, I’m hankering for a Shamrock Shake.  ‘Tis the season.  If I head back to a McDonald’s anytime soon, I’ll be sure to give a full report on the weird, alien world I encounter.

With that, here is 20 March 2024’s “McDonald’s: A Vision of Our Dystopian Future“:

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McDonald’s: A Vision of Our Dystopian Future

Ever since The Age of The Virus, I’ve noticed a general decline in the quality and value of dining and amenities.  Every restaurant, hotel, airline, and putt-putt golf course used The Virus as an excuse to trim out all of those little “extras” that we did not consider as such, those little dashes of additional service or product that made visits to these places memorable.  Things like peanuts at corporate steakhouses, or regular cleaning of your linens at hotels (apparently, towels aren’t even a given anymore).  Meanwhile, prices at all of these businesses have increased, far outstripping “official” inflation numbers.

We all know that is true; furthermore, we all know it already.  But what if we look at the lowest common denominator, the dregs of these businesses?  What if we look at fast food?

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