Monday Morning Movie Review: Brainscan (1994)

There’s something about watching bad horror flicks from the 1990s that I always find amusing.  This week’s film, Brainscan (1994), really hits that amusement in that it features a teen protagonist living in an attic bedroom full of crazy audio-visual gadgetry that would have been wildly impractical at the time.  The film gives that 1990s vision of what the near-near-future would look like, with high-tech communications technology based on Windows 3.1.

The lead character, horror-obsessed teen Michael Brower, spends his time in relative isolation in his gadget-filled attic, but also leads a horror movie club at his school.  His best friend Kyle is a lovable doofus, and Michael creepily scopes out his neighbor, Kimberly, who is pretty obviously aware what Michael is doing.

Kyle tells Michael of a cutting edge new interactive experience, the titular Brainscan.  The game promises the ultimate experience in terror.  Michael, jaded by the death of his mother, an absentee father, and lackluster scares, calls the number (1-800-555-FEAR) and sets off down a path of cyber murder.

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Monday Morning Movie Review: The Rule of Jenny Pen (2024)

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Imagine a horror film that explores themes of elder abuse and stars John Lithgow as an elderly bully in a New Zealand elder care facility.  Then imagine that John Lithgow uses and/or is used by a plastic baby doll that’s been fashioned into a crude puppet, the butt of which John Lithgow forces old people to lick as he rules nocturnally.

That’s The Rule of Jenny Pen (2024), which stars Lithgow as he squares off against Geoffrey Rush.  Rush portrays a proud, ornery judge recovering from a stroke, and a man who will go to the breaking point before he kisses a puppet’s ass.

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Monday Morning Movie Review: Would You Rather (2011)

The 2010s were something of the golden age of “premise” horror movies; that is, horror films based on some kind of premise or concept, like, “what if a wealthy weirdo made poor people play a sadistic, lethal version of a children’s game?” (the premise for today’s movie, 2011’s Would You Rather).  Conceptual horror has always been around, but the last decade was rife with movies that involved putting everyday people into bizarre and terrifying situations.  Just think of the Saw franchise (2004-2023), or Happy Death Day (2017), or Escape Room (2019).  I could be noticing a pattern that’s not really there, but it sure seems like these kinds of flicks were being made a lot ten-to-fifteen years ago.

These movies are often fun, even and especially if they’re gory, because we imagine ourselves in these lethal, morally-compromised situations.  That is the strength of Would You Rather:  it has you playing the deadly game along with the characters.

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Monday Morning Movie Review: The Vourdalak (2023)

Yours portly has been on a bit of a foreign film kick, especially weird horror films.  Particularly, it seems that French-language films have been turning up quite a bit in my Shudder feed.

International horror—at least, the stuff that gets to us—tends to be pretty good, but I’ve never been too terribly impressed with the French material on Shudder.  But this week’s film, The Vourdalak (2023), is a delightful exception.

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Monday Morning Movie Review: Nosferatu (2024)

My older brother and I saw Nosferatu (2024) a couple of days after its release, which was on Christmas Day 2024.  We attended a 12:30 PM EST showing on Friday, 27 December 2024, and even that early matinee had a very good crowd.

My brother and I had been anticipating the release of this film with an eagerness we rarely experience for movies anymore.  I love movies, but there aren’t many films that get me excited to go see them.

Nosferatu promised “a symphony of horror,” according to its tagline (and the subtitle of the 1924 original), and it delivered—in spades.

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Monday Morning Movie Review: Anything for Jackson (2020)

What happens when you take the disconnected lifestyle of liberalism of upper middle class elites to its logical conclusion?  The answer is the couple at the center of Anything for Jackson (2020), a film in which an affluent couple attempt to bring their grandson back to life through a “reverse-exorcism,” which involves hijacking a young woman’s pregnancy for their own nefarious ends.  Naturally, in the process, the bumbling and desperate couple unleash for more sinister forces than they ever intended, with horrifying (and, frequently, grimly hilarious) consequences.

The result is one of the creepiest, funniest, and most original films I’ve seen in some time.

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Monday Morning Movie Review: Children of the Corn (1984)

Last night I decided to take advantage of the plethora of Halloween offerings still lingering about on Shudder and decided to watch Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1992).  It was not a good movie.

Its predecessor, Children of the Corn (1984), isn’t much better, but even though it’s not a great film, it’s one that I enjoy viewing from time to time.  There’s something iconic about the type of story it tells:  a bunch of kids murder their parents and indulge in some kind of weird corn cult.

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TBT^16: Happy Halloween!

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At long last, it’s here—Halloween!  Regular readers know that I love Halloween (perhaps a bit too much).  The season always seems to fly by, though, no matter how hard I try to cling to every pumpkin-spiced moment.

Yours portly was disgracefully late with putting up my decorations this year, but I’ll likely be disgracefully late taking them down, too; it’s not unheard of for me to be heading into Thanksgiving Week with a rotting Jack O’Lantern still festooning my slug-infested porch.

Speaking of, here’s a look at the Jack O’Lantern while still fresh; I did a very thorough job of scraping and scooping the little guy of his gooey innards, so he’s holding up a bit better this year:

If that dubious knife play doesn’t get you excited for Halloween, perhaps these classic Halloween posts will.

With that, here is 2 November 2024’s “TBT^4: Happy Halloween!“:

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Ponty Praises: Silent Hill 2 (2001)

As much as yours portly loves Halloween and horror movies, I’ve always been too easily spooked to hang with the real test of horror fandom:  survival horror video games.  They’re games I love to watch other people play, but I’m too chicken to dive deeply into them myself.  Not since the old Alone in the Dark games, which were scary even with (and, perhaps, because of) their blocky, polyhedral graphics, have I braved the hair-and-blood-pressure-raising of this fascinating genre (other than a bit of Alan Wake at my younger brother’s urging; a great game worth raising one’s hackles over).

So it is that I have—shamefully! disgracefully!—missed out on the exquisite Silent Hill franchise.  Fortunately, my braver brother-from-another-mother across the pond, good old Ponty, has delivered up the vicarious experience that yours portly craves—and fears.

One other note—this review is riddled with Amazon affiliate links.  If you make a purchase through any of these links, I receive a portion of the proceeds, at no additional cost to you.  I’m required by the Amazon apparatchiks to include that little disclaimer.

With that, here is Ponty’s review of the early 2000s classic Silent Hill 2:

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