SubscribeStar Saturday: “Tap, Tap, Tap” Draft

Today’s post is a SubscribeStar Saturday exclusive.  To read the full post, subscribe to my SubscribeStar page for $1 a month or more.  For a full rundown of everything your subscription gets, click here.

Today I’m offering up the second(ish) draft of my short story “Tap, Tap, Tap.”  Subscribers will have access to the full story; everyone else, enjoy the first part, which sets up the tale of an oddly large beetle with telepathic abilities.

Forgive the odd formatting of the text below; I’m in a bit of a rush and don’t have the time to reformat everything.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Bill woke up, bleary with sleep, to the sound of the tapping.

What now?” he groused, tossing aside his thin blanket. Bill scratched his face, feeling the scruff. I need a good shave, he thought, stretching as he got up.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

There it was again. Must be the pipes. Didn’t the plumber just fix them last week? Bill proceeded to the bathroom and stared at his eyes, still filled with the crust of restless sleep, in the mirror. They were a peculiar shade of emerald green, ringed with dark bags; Bill stretched one eyelid, then the other, as he peered at the bloodshot veins in the grimy mirror.

He splashed some water onto his face. Well, it’s not the pipes… it’d better not be the wiring. Bill picked up his toothbrush, one that had battled plaque far too many times, its bristles gnarled and flattened like a sheep with too much static electricity had a collision with a garbage truck. Bill tossed the brush into the trash and headed to the kitchen.

Tap. Tap. Taptaptap!

It was getting louder now. “Geeze, I can’t afford another repair,” Bill muttered to himself. The kitchen paid testament to Bill’s frustrated utterance. A forlorn and ancient stove sat in the corner, two burners missing. The stovetop was covered in a thin layer of grime, the accumulation of a thousand hasty, one-pan meals. The counters were strewn with crumbs and old newspapers. The fridge, sitting opposite the stove, chugged and moaned, releasing a death rattle every time its compressor shut down. The sink had a persistent, slow drip, which Bill had tuned out long ago.

Taptap! Tap! Ta-tap!

But that tapping! That was new. Bill pulled a half-washed pan from the sink, gave it a quick rinse, then put it on of the two remaining burners. He grabbed a couple of eggs from the fridge, and cracked each into the pan, tossing the shells over his shoulder and into the garbage.

TAP!

Just one this time, near the kitchen trash can. Bill sighed. “Okay, what is going on here,” he said aloud.

Bill felt a tad sheepish—he was utterly alone. Ever since Mirna split two months ago, he’d fallen into a state of squalor. He’d also developed the habit of talking to himself during the long, lonely hours at home. Bill had given up on finding any decent work in the papers about a month ago, but didn’t have the heart to throw the old rags out. Maybe, he had thought after Mirna left, if I can get back on my feet, she’ll take me back.

He shook away the memory of her leaving—of the months of fruitless job and soul searching—and, in a rare moment of renewed self-confidence, resolved to get to the bottom of this tapping business—and then, maybe, to the bottom of the bottle he kept in one of the fading cabinets.

Tap tap! Tap tap!

Bill walked slowly toward the trash. There was something different about this tapping. It didn’t sound electrical, or like the tapping in pipes. It sounded almost organic. As he reached to move the trash can, a prick of pain seized the ring finger of his left hand.

He cried out a slew of curses, shaking his hand in a vain attempt to exorcise the sharp pain. His ring finger throbbed purple-red. At least the skin’s not broken. Bill heard a rapid series of taptaptaptapping as he stumbled towards the fridge for ice.

As he opened the door to the freezer, Bill felt something on his leg—a tentative, careful tap. Bill whirled around, slamming the door of the freezer, sending a dark object running back behind the trash can.

What in the world…” Bill trailed off. There was a rustling behind the trash. I have to see what this thing is, he thought, but I’m not about to get bitten again. Bill’s eyes darted across the room, finally spotting a broom, gathering dust more from lack of use than from its intended purpose. He snatched the broom and, slowly—ever so slowly—pushed it towards the trash can.

Whack! He thwapped the trash can aside, and the dark object skittered up the wall. There it is! Bill thought. “It” was about three feet long and moved with astonishing rapidity. Bill still couldn’t quite make out the thing in the dim kitchen, but he swung the broom like a frantic knight, hacking away at the wall.

Taptaptaptaptaptap! The tapping sounded a rapid tattoo as Bill chased the thing with the broom.

Smack! There it was—Bill hit the thing square in its center of mass, and it fell from the wall, stunned.

Bill peered down—and the thing peered back. Bill stared, transfixed, as the thing reached out, slowly, and gave Bill a single, light tap.

Bill collapsed onto the floor, astonished. The creature before him—for it was, indeed, a creature—bore a strong resemblance to a beetle, but one that would surely be the largest such creature of its kind. The beetle stared up at Bill with four large, black, compound eyes. It emitted a light chittering sound from between its two large mandibles, each of protruded six inches from the head. Its belly was a deep, greenish brown, like moss growing on a dark patch of dirt. Its large, dense shell shimmered with a hypnotic luminescence, shifting subtly through the color spectrum with the creature’s movements. Six legs—four from the thorax, two from the abdomen—twinkled with a more muted luminescence, blending softly into the moss brown belly. The creature stood on two legs and reached towards Bill with the other four.

The beetle—Bill didn’t really know how else to identify it—chittered again, its voice rising to a flute-like tone. There was a sweetness to it, like all of Bill’s best memories were swirled together into a single melody. Beneath it was a gentle tap.

Transfixed, stuck in the beetle’s melodious trance, Bill let the creature’s four shimmering, spindly arms touch his face.

Bill.

Is that the bug? Bill thought.

Yes, Bill. But “bug” is not exactly the precise terminology.

Sweet mother of pearl, this thing is talking to me!

Indeed. You and I are, in this moment, joined.

Joined?” What do you mean? And you’re not a bug?

What I am is of little consequence, Bill. What I can do is what matters.

What you can do? I—

Your life, it is… pathetic, no? Unfulfilled—

Now, wait just a minute here! Sure, things have been t—

I can change that.

Bill paused. Rather, his internal dialogue with the beetle ceased—his mind still raced. Finally, he replied, hesitantly, How?

A thousand images flooded Bill’s mind. Mirna in the dress she wore the night he said he loved her. His tenth birthday, when he finally got the silver-blue ten-speed he’d begged his parents to buy. His first kiss. His first car. His first promotion.

Then new images, images of things yet-to-come, images beyond his wildest imaginings, took the place of the happy memories. Wealth. Power. Success.

Mirna.

The beetle removed his four arms from Bill’s head with a faint tap. Bill set up slowly, holding his forehead, feeling the shallow indents where the beetle had touched him.

I understand.”

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A Yuletide Request for Reader Recommendations

Happy Monday, TPP Readers!

In lieu of my usual Monday Morning Movie Review, I wanted to do something a bit different:  what are some of your favorite films to watch during the month of December, in the build-up to Christmas?

I’m thinking of doing the Christmas equivalent of the 31 Days of Halloween series, but probably not for all thirty-one days of December.  That said, there are some great Christmas movies out there that would be fun to give the 31 Days treatment.

For those that missed that series, here is the idea:  these videos will also be super lo-fi, as a.) I believe in the lo-fi ethic and, more honestly, b.) my video editing skills and capabilities are virtually non-existent.  We’re talking one take with minimal in-camera editing—and that’s it.  No fancy cutaways to clips from the movies; no wacky angles; no green screens placing me in a haunted castle.  At most I’ll hold up a DVD of the flicks if I have one.

My only caveats:  no Polar Express (2004) and no Elf (2003).  Even I have standards!

Let me know your picks in the comments below, or through the contact form on this site.

Thanks!

—TPP

Phone it in Friday CIX: YouTube Roundup CLXIX: 31 Days of Halloween, Part IV

Halloween is a week past, but I still have some episodes of 31 Days of Halloween to share!  By now, most interested readers have sought these final videos out on their own, but in case you missed any of the later episodes, I wanted to share them today.

On 1 October 2025 I launched a YouTube Shorts series, 31 Days of Halloween.  The concept is simple:  one, one-minute (or shorter) Halloween/horror movie review every day for the month of October.  These reviews are super lo-fi—just yours portly recording on a phone, sitting at a desk.  No frills, no fancy editing, just me giving my impressions of the films in an unscripted, fast way.

A quick note:  most of the links below are Amazon Affiliate links, typically linking to the movie on DVD or Blu-Ray, as well as the books they’re based upon (or the novelizations of the films).  I receive a portion of any purchases made through those links, at no additional cost to you.

Day 23: Nosferatu (1922)

Day 23 is the 1922 German Expressionist silent film classic Nosferatu.

Grab it on Blu-Ray here: https://amzn.to/4oaPdlG

Or DVD here: https://amzn.to/4o1Et8P

Day 24: Nosferatu the Vampyre (1979)

Day 24 is Werner Herzog’s adaptation of Nosferatu (1922), Nosferatu the Vampyre (1979).

Grab it on 4K here: https://amzn.to/4owQsLF

Or DVD here: https://amzn.to/4hvMBME

Day 25: Nosferatu (2024)

Day 25 is Robert Eggers’s adaptation of Nosferatu (1922), Nosferatu (2024).

Grab it on 4K here: https://amzn.to/47drBqx

Or Blu-ray here: https://amzn.to/3Wekckm

Or DVD here: https://amzn.to/3WekcAS

Day 26: The Phantom of the Opera (1925)

Day 26 returns to another silent film classic with 1925’s The Phantom of the Opera.

Grab it on Blu-ray here: https://amzn.to/47Hoh63

Or DVD here: https://amzn.to/4o4WGCF

Or get the novel here: https://amzn.to/3J8f5PN

Day 27: Psycho (1960)

Day 27 looks at a film on the border between horror and thriller, Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho (1960).

Grab it on Blu-ray here: https://amzn.to/42TXr97

Or DVD here: https://amzn.to/3Jo6R63

Or get the novel here: https://amzn.to/47oiuC1

Day 28: Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954)

Day 28 is a personal favorite, Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954).

Grab it on 4K & Blu-ray here: https://amzn.to/4hup92o

Day 29: Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)

Day 29 is the most unusual of the Halloween films, 1982’s Halloween III: Season of the Witch.

Grab it on 4K here: https://amzn.to/472YMgi

Or Blu-ray here: https://amzn.to/3WmPEwO

Or DVD here: https://amzn.to/3J0TvN7

Day 30: Halloween (1978)

Day 30 is the John Carpenter slashic Halloween (1978)!

Grab it on 4K here: https://amzn.to/4oxycBC

Day 31: The Thing (1982)

Day 31 is one of my favorite films, John Carpenter’s The Thing (1982).

Grab it on 4K here: https://amzn.to/4ntEaCB

Or Blu-ray here: https://amzn.to/3WL3SrH

Or DVD here: https://amzn.to/47bthkd

Thank You!

Thanks for watching 31 Days of Halloween! 🎃🎃🎃

Re-watch the entire series here:

Happy Friday!  Until next Halloween!

—TPP

Monday Morning Movie Review: The Blob (1988)

Yours portly has had very little time for watching flicks lately, but I managed to squeeze in the 1988 remake of The Blob.  It and the 1958 original are both films I’ve known about my entire life, but I have never seen either of the flicks.  I think an episode of Muppet Babies featured clips of the titular creature from the 1988 film, so I had a good image of the pink, oozing goo from my early childhood, but otherwise all I knew about either films was that they involved a gelatinous, amorphous entity absorbing people lethally.

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Monday Morning Movie Review: Guest Review: Final Destination (2000)

Spooky Season IV is out today!

Ponty delivers up some great posts this week, giving yours portly a bit of a break during a particularly busy season.  He worked overtime (complete with overtime pay—zero times 1.5 is still zero!) to get this fun review to me in time to run in the vaunted Monday Morning Movie Review slot.

I remember seeing today’s film around the time it came out, when I was in high school (or possibly a few years later, in college; the early 2000s are a distant, warm blur to me now), and it made me really think about death, the way one does when at a funeral.  I still think about this flick every time I board a flight, especially in those first few moments after takeoff.  I breathe a tiny sigh of relief once the plane has finished its ascent.

I’ll let Ponty explain the rest.  With that, here is Ponty’s review of Final Destination (2000):

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Phone it in Friday CVIII: YouTube Roundup CLXVIII: 31 Days of Halloween, Part III

On 1 October 2025 I launched a YouTube Shorts series, 31 Days of Halloween.  The concept is simple:  one, one-minute (or shorter) Halloween/horror movie review every day for the month of October.  These reviews are super lo-fi—just yours portly recording on a phone, sitting at a desk.  No frills, no fancy editing, just me giving my impressions of the films in an unscripted, fast way.

In case you’ve missed any installments, I’m featuring the several days of reviews.  If you want to catchup on Days 10-16, check out last week’s YouTube Roundup.

A quick note:  most of the links below are Amazon Affiliate links, typically linking to the movie on DVD or Blu-Ray, as well as the books they’re based upon (or the novelizations of the films).  I receive a portion of any purchases made through those links, at no additional cost to you.

Read More »

Phone it in Friday CVII: YouTube Roundup CLXVII: 31 Days of Halloween, Part II

On 1 October 2025 I launched a YouTube Shorts series, 31 Days of Halloween.  The concept is simple:  one, one-minute (or shorter) Halloween/horror movie review every day for the month of October.  These reviews are super lo-fi—just yours portly recording on a phone, sitting at a desk.  No frills, no fancy editing, just me giving my impressions of the films in an unscripted, fast way.

In case you’ve missed any installments, I’m featuring the several days of reviews.  If you want to catchup on Days 1-9, check out last week’s YouTube Roundup.

A quick note:  most of the links below are Amazon Affiliate links, typically linking to the movie on DVD or Blu-Ray, as well as the books they’re based upon (or the novelizations of the films).  I receive a portion of any purchases made through those links, at no additional cost to you.

Read More »

Phone it in Friday CVI: YouTube Roundup CLXVI: 31 Days of Halloween, Part I

On 1 October 2025 I launched a YouTube Shorts series, 31 Days of Halloween.  The concept is simple:  one, one-minute (or shorter) Halloween/horror movie review every day for the month of October.  These reviews are super lo-fi—just yours portly recording on a phone, sitting at a desk.  No frills, no fancy editing, just me giving my impressions of the films in an unscripted, fast way.

In case you’ve missed any installments, I’m featuring the first few episodes today!

A quick note:  most of the links below are Amazon Affiliate links, typically linking to the movie on DVD or Blu-Ray, as well as the books they’re based upon (or the novelizations of the films).  I receive a portion of any purchases made through those links, at no additional cost to you.

Day 1: Something Wicked This Way Comes (1983)

Day 1 is the 1983 classic Something Wicked This Way Comes, the adaptation of the classic Ray Bradbury novel.

Grab it on DVD here: https://amzn.to/42dfK8Y

Or get the book: https://amzn.to/4nuKBq4

Read More »

Monday Morning Movie Review: Spree (2020)

Yours portly is playing catch-up on the blog after a grueling Homecoming Week at work.  Apologies for delayed and/or missing posts lately.  —TPP

I’m not a huge fan of “found footage” films, most of which are just knock-offs of The Blair Witch Project (1999).  Of course, I see the appeal for studios:  these flicks are cheap to make, and offer (at least in theory) a more visceral experience.  There are exceptions (such as today’s film), but found footage flicks typically devolve into lots of shaky camera work and improbably perfectly placed cameras that always seem to capture the exact video and audio that they need to tell the story.

Naturally, that’s because it’s all directed and staged, but it reveals the lie inherent in these films.  Far from being “found,” the footage is actually quite curated—but in a sloppy manner to create the illusion of us just picking up someone’s perfectly edited (in-camera!) VHS tape.

Anyone who has ever had the misfortune of reviewing security camera footage will know that they rarely capture anything worthwhile.  The footage is too grainy to identify anyone positively; audio is lacking or non-existent; footage gets overwritten with new footage quickly.  The frustration for law-abiding citizens, of course, is that security cameras never seem to get the right angle to catch criminals, but always keeps an eye on the rest of us.  CCTV might help keep down crime, but it really just ends up monitoring the rest of us.  It’s the definition of anarcho-tyranny.

But I digress.  I recently watched a good found footage film, 2020’s Spree.  It’s a horrific dark comedy, mostly because it shows the extreme toll of living in a terminally-online world, in which shallow and hallow people gauge their self-worth in terms of likes, impressions, and reactions.

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Monday Morning Movie Review: Something Wicked This Way Comes (1983)

When I was very, very young, I saw Something Wicked This Way Comes (1983), probably recorded to a VHS during one of the rare free Disney Channel weekends, and it terrified me.  The images from the film, particularly the scene where the demonic circus’s parade searches for two young boys through the streets of Green Town, have always stuck with me.

Based on the novel of the same name by Ray Bradbury, Something Wicked This Way Comes blends fantasy and horror elements with an ostensibly child-friendly story into a spooky tale of friendship, fear, courage, and resisting sin.

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