Author: The Portly Politico

Tyler James Cook is a singer-songwriter in Lamar, South Carolina. He is formerly of The Lovecrafts and Brass to the Future, and currently performs regularly as a solo artist at local open mic nights. He sings and plays sax, keys, and a little bass. He loves songwriting contests, even if he isn't cool or talented enough to win them. He won the 2012 Artsville Songwriting Contest's People's Choice Prize for his original song "Contest Winner." He also maintains _The Portly Politico_, a politics and culture blog, at https://theportlypolitico.wordpress.com.

Open Mic Adventures CLXI: “Clean-Shaven at Christmas”

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Christmastime is pretty busy for yours portly, which means my shaving routine tends to get disrupted.  I usually find myself nearing beard capacity by the time Christmas approaches, so I always take the time to do a thorough shave before the big day.

That being the case, I made up a little song, “Clean-Shaven at Christmas,” some years ago.  My nephews in particular love it, and will sing it—unprompted!—as Christmas approaches (I also taught them to wake up on Christmas morning shouting, “It’s Christmas!  It’s Christmas!”).

So it was that I decided to piece together a YouTube Short of the phases of my shaving with my voice accompanying.  There’s even a gross closeup of where I cut myself while shaving—gasp!

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Memorable Monday Morning Movie Review: Portly’s Top Ten Best Films: #3: The Thing (1982)

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In late 2022 through early 2023, Ponty and I did an exhaustive rundown of our Top Ten Favorite Films.  His was very thoughtful and deliberate; mine was more or less picking through flicks I had in my DVD collection.

That said, I did put some thought into my Top Three, and this flick definitely deserves its slot.

Another note:  I know I’ve been recycling movie reviews a lot this month, so thanks for bearing with me.  Dr. Wife and I have been moving and taking care of all sorts of other tasks while we have some precious time off together, so the blog has—as it so often does—fallen onto the backburner.  She and I watched 1984’s Gremlins last week, however, so I’m looking forward to reviewing that soon.

But I digress.  With that, here is 30 January 2023’s “Monday Morning Movie Review: Portly’s Top Ten Best Films: #3: The Thing (1982)“:

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Lazy Sunday CCCXLX: Christmas Cheer 2025, Part III

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Well, Christmas has passed, but I choose to believe that the Christmas season lasts until Epiphany, so we’re going to keep the good times rolling with a look back at some pieces from this recently-expired Christmas week:

Merry Christmas!

—TPP

Moving Saturday 1 of X

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I’ll have some classic SubscribeStar Saturday content up soon-ish, but Dr. Wife and I just got back from the first of what will likely be several days of moving furniture and such from our respective houses to our new home.  We managed to get all of the furniture her parents gifted us this summer, as well as some furniture I already had.  Additionally, we managed to unload some items at Goodwill.

We’re taking a minute to catch our breaths before indulging in some much-needed protein at the steakhouse.

Stay tuned for more!

—TPP

P.S.—We had a nice Christmas card from regular contributor Ponty and his significant other waiting for us at our new home!  It’s now festooning the mantle in our new living room.

Phone it in Friday CXV: YouTube Roundup CLXXV: Star Wars Figurines

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I’ve been going through a bunch of my old stuff in preparation for moving items to the new house.  In doing so, I’ve come across quite a few Star Wars action figures and collectibles.

I was a huge Star Wars kid.  I loved the original trilogy and tolerated the prequel trilogy (indeed, I was super excited for the latter).  I particularly loved the miniatures.  I’ve sold most of the action figures in the following videos to a colleague of mine—he will take excellent care of them—but I am keeping the miniatures.  They are so cool!

So, here are some recent videos featuring these fun figurines:

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TBT^4: Napoleonic Christmas

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It’s Christmas!  It’s Christmas!  And it’s a Thursday, so yours portly is TBT’ing to a classic of yesterchristmas.

Back in 2019, I wrote this piece about Napoleon.  It took off because it gained some traction on WhatFinger News, which came along after Matthew Drudge inexplicably went woke.  The name of this alternative news aggregator always strikes me as vaguely inappropriate, but they ran my link and it got tons of views at a time when I was getting discouraged with the blog (a perennial issue, it seems—perseverance is a virtue for a reason).

Napoleon is a complex and intriguing figure.  Whatever his personal and professional attributes, he indelibly changed Europe and the world.  It’s hard for us to understand today, fixated as we are on the failed Austrian painter with the Charlie Chaplin mustache, but Napoleon’s impact was still being discussed actively in the early twentieth century.  He totally upended the gameboard of Europe—for good or for ill—and the fear and/or hope of another Napoleon endured for quite awhile.

YouTube philosopher Agora made a great video linking the two figures—and warning about why those links miss some key differences:

The important thing to remember, however, is that humanity’s conception of “greatness” is false.  Remember, Christ Was Born today as a simple baby in the most humble of circumstances—literally bedding down in a feeding trough for barnyard animals.  He Died a humiliating Death on the Cross.  He Rose from the dead and Conquered Death, and Will Return again!

No Napoleon could ever achieve what He Did.

With that, here is 26 December 2024’s “TBT^2: Napoleonic Christmas“:

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Wayback Wednesday: Christmas Eve

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It’s Christmas Eve!  In looking back at past posts from this season, I realized that this year, Dr. Wife and I will be creating more of our traditions.  Last night, for example, we watched 1984’s Gremlins while wrapping Christmas presents.  I’m not sure if we’ll watch the same flick every year, but wrapping gifts together was fun (there is also a marked difference in quality between the gifts she wrapped and the ones I wrapped; I’ll let you guess who did a better job).

What are some of your favorite Christmas/Christmas Eve traditions, dear readers?  Leave a comment below.

With that, here is 24 December 2019’s “Christmas Eve“:

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Open Mic Adventures CLX: Church Attempts “From Greenland’s Icy Mountains”

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Way back in January I featured the missionary hymn “From Greenland’s Icy Mountains” as part of “Open Mic Adventures CXV: ‘From Greenland’s Icy Mountains’” as a jingoistic tribute to the then-recent inauguration of President Trump, who had designs on annexing Greenland.  Instead of singing the piece—a very old missionary tune by composer Lowell Mason, with words by Reginald Heber—I played it a few times as a bit of instrumental prelude music.

There this obscure piece of music sat until my September, when my pastor had the idea to pull out some lesser-known hymns for our church to sing during our fall revival services.  My pastor shares something of my absurdist sense of humor, so when he stumbled upon “From Greenland’s Icy Mountains,” he half-jokingly proposed we sing it one night as our congregational piece.  I enthusiastically agreed to play it, and so it became reality.

I took the opportunity to record a little bit of it and upload it to YouTube.  Below is the church’s valiant attempt at singing a song that virtually no one in the congregation knew:

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Memorable Monday Morning Movie Review: A Very Portly Christmas: It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)

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With Christmas just a few days, I’m continuing to look back to Christmas movie reviews of yesteryear.  Today, I’m reflecting on what might be the quintessential Christmas movie, 1946’s It’s a Wonderful Life (that’s an Amazon Affiliate link; I receive a portion of every purchase made through that link, at no additional cost to you).

I have a vivid early memory of watching the movie on Christmas night at my late paternal grandparents’ house, and staying up very late to finish it.  My Papa was sitting in his recliner, and my cousins and I were on the floor.  It’s wild to consider that a black-and-white film could hold the attention of a roomful of rambunctious younguns, but that speaks to the quality and the magic of this film.

With that, here is 29 December 2022’s “Delayed Monday Morning Movie Review: A Very Portly Christmas: It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)“:

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Failure!

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Last night‘s Christmas gig was a bust. I will have more details next Saturday, but after driving about 415 miles, the client—who booked me to play, smooth, jazzy Christmas music—said it wasn’t what they were looking for. Basically, they wanted some booty shaking butt music.

I had a bad feeling going into the gig, but my desire for a few extra bucks at Christmastime got the better of me.

It is a good reminder, not to get greedy, and to trust your instincts.

GigSalad tins to attract a demographic that does not necessarily understand the concept of contracts. It has been one of my primary beefs with the service.

That said, I will walk away with about half of the guarantee. The gig itself will be a bit of a wash financially. Fortunately, I racked up a lot of miles, which I can at least write off on my taxes.

I am now about to narrate my church’s Christmas cantata. Then it is back up to see Dr. Wife.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

—TPP