Monday Morning Movie Review: Carrie (1976)

Last week I found time to watch a few flicks, among them 1976’s Carrie, the coming-of-telekinesis story of Carrie, who is bullied relentlessly both at school and home.  Her mother’s Pharisaical view of redemption (essentially, there is none) makes Carrie’s life sheltered; meanwhile, Carrie’s classmates bully her in part because of her mother’s insanity.

Family lore has made this film legendary.  According to legend, my parents went to see this film on their honeymoon in 1977.  I don’t know exactly when it occurred, but my dad—who was raised Pentecostal (Church of God – Cleveland, Tennessee) was so beside himself, he walked out.  My mom (raised Southern Baptist, and, therefore, a bit less bee-hived in her hairdos) was a fan of Stephen King—then an emerging author in many respects—and it apparently was a shock to her that my dad reacted as he did.

Having just seen the film, I can see why my dad got so uncomfortable.  It literally opens with a quasi-pornographic shot of Carrie showering herself after gym class—and then receiving a visit from Aunt Flo.  There’s also the iconic “prayer closet” with a Jesus sporting menacing, glowing eyes.  The anti-Christian messaging is pretty strong.

That said, the film is not, I would argue, primarily a screed against religion, although that is a part of it.  Carrie’s mom is a nut, but anyone with even a passing familiarity with Christ’s Teachings would realize that her religion is not Christianity.  It’s some kind of perversion of something resembling Christianity into a legalistic tangle of extreme ascetism coupled with brutality.

Instead, Carrie is very much a coming-of-age story, in which the sheltered Carrie attempts to spread her wings and become her own woman, but instead is met only with resistance at every time.  Having developed no healthy relationships—and faced only mockery and scorn from her mother, her schoolmates, and even the principal—she lashes out in the film’s fiery conclusion.

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Monday Morning Movie Review: 28 Days Later (2002)

The next film in the 28 [Unit of Time] series, 28 Years Later: The Bone Temple hits theaters this weekend, and yours portly is hoping that Dr. Wife and I can squeeze in a matinee showing this Saturday.  It also seems that Shudder has a couple of the earlier films on its service, including 28 Days Later (2002), which I stayed up late last night to finish watching.

I wasn’t sure I had seen this flick before, but several of the key scenes did click with me (like the father getting a single drop of infected blood in his eye, causing him to go made with the Rage virus).  I have seen it, but I’d forgotten most of the major plot points and the ending.  With the new film releasing this weekend, it was a good opportunity to refresh my memory (Shudder also has 28 Weeks Later [2007], which I watched recently as well).  I’d forgotten what a great film it is.

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Memorable Monday Morning Movie Review: Portly’s Top Ten Best Films: #3: The Thing (1982)

In late 2022 through early 2023, Ponty and I did an exhaustive rundown of our Top Ten Favorite Films.  His was very thoughtful and deliberate; mine was more or less picking through flicks I had in my DVD collection.

That said, I did put some thought into my Top Three, and this flick definitely deserves its slot.

Another note:  I know I’ve been recycling movie reviews a lot this month, so thanks for bearing with me.  Dr. Wife and I have been moving and taking care of all sorts of other tasks while we have some precious time off together, so the blog has—as it so often does—fallen onto the backburner.  She and I watched 1984’s Gremlins last week, however, so I’m looking forward to reviewing that soon.

But I digress.  With that, here is 30 January 2023’s “Monday Morning Movie Review: Portly’s Top Ten Best Films: #3: The Thing (1982)“:

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Memorable Monday Morning Movie Review: A Very Portly Christmas: It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)

With Christmas just a few days, I’m continuing to look back to Christmas movie reviews of yesteryear.  Today, I’m reflecting on what might be the quintessential Christmas movie, 1946’s It’s a Wonderful Life (that’s an Amazon Affiliate link; I receive a portion of every purchase made through that link, at no additional cost to you).

I have a vivid early memory of watching the movie on Christmas night at my late paternal grandparents’ house, and staying up very late to finish it.  My Papa was sitting in his recliner, and my cousins and I were on the floor.  It’s wild to consider that a black-and-white film could hold the attention of a roomful of rambunctious younguns, but that speaks to the quality and the magic of this film.

With that, here is 29 December 2022’s “Delayed Monday Morning Movie Review: A Very Portly Christmas: It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)“:

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Memorable Monday Morning Movie Review: Nefarious (2023)

Last year, when Dr. Wife was still Dr. Girlfriend, we sat down and watched an incredible movie exploring demonic possession and spiritual warfare.

That film was 2023’s Nefarious (that’s an Amazon Affiliate link; I receive a portion of any purchases made through that link, at no additional cost to you).  It’s one of the best films I’ve seen in years, and it’s an overtly Christian film (without making it feel like it’s overtly Christian).  It’s an excellent example of how Christians can make compelling art that espouses our beliefs culturally.

With that, here is 2 December 2024’s “Monday Morning Movie Review: Nefarious (2023)“:

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Memorable Monday Morning Movie Review: A Very Portly Christmas: A Christmas Carol (1951)

Back in 2022 a couple of my regular contributors and I each took turns reviewing the 1951 film adaptation of Charles Dickens’s A Christmas Carol (for links to all three reviews, click here).  The film has since became almost annual viewing for yours portly, a tradition I hope to continue with Dr. Wife.

With all the busyness of the wedding and last week’s school play (as well as this week’s school concert), I decided to take this morning to look back at my review from three years ago.

The film is a poignant reminder to keep the joy of Christmas alive in our hearts, something that is often difficult as the trials of adulthood responsibility exact their toll.  But Christmas is the time of year to celebrate the Birth of Jesus, and to recapture—to the extent possible—the simple magic of childhood.

With that, here is 19 December 2022’s “Monday Morning Movie Review: A Very Portly Christmas: A Christmas Carol (1951)“:

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Monday Morning Movie Review: Ponty Praises: The Usual Suspects (1995)

Good old Ponty sent along this awesome review before I headed out on my honeymoon, which saves me the creative effort of crafting a thoughtful review of some crappy movie after being unplugged for the past week.

Instead, you get this great review of an awesome movie.  Anytime Italo Calvino is referenced in a movie review, you know it’s going to be good.

I’m sure I’ve seen The Usual Suspects—or I thought I was sure until I read Ponty’s review.  Now… I’m not so sure.  Based on his review, I’ll have to head his advice to see it posthaste.  Perhaps Dr. Wife and I can enjoy it over Christmas.  I’m still planning on showing her Gremlins (1984).

Just a note—several of the links in this review are Amazon Affiliate links.  I receive a portion of any purchases made through these links at no additional cost to you.  I’ve marked these links with an asterisk (*).

With that, here is Ponty’s review of 1995’s The Usual Suspects:

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Phone it in Friday CXI: YouTube Roundup CLXXI: Blackbeard Sails into Civilization VII

In my never-ending quest for lo-fi, low-effort YouTube (and blog) content, I make the most of whatever limited assets and time I have to churn out highly-compressed but—I hope—charming content for the masses.

Such is the case with today’s post.  I made this video with just one picture I took with my iPhone SE’s camera (mainly to show Dr. Fiancée that I was playing as Blackbeard the Pirate in Civilization VII).  I recorded the voiceover with the Voice Memo app on my phone, and used iMovie (again, on my phone) to put in the picture (three times) against the voice message.

Apparently, when I send the finished video file to Telegram, it deeply compresses the video quality (although I think it does the same if I save the video to my phone and upload it to YouTube from there).  The most it can muster is 360p, which might as well be a VHS recording that I’ve sloppily converted to a digital format.

 Whatever the case, the video was a fun experiment.  I hope you agree!

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Phone it in Friday CX: YouTube Roundup CLXX: Food-Related Absurdity

Lately yours portly has been losing weight (I’m down about thirty-one pounds since July 2025), so I’ll often search for calorie counts for unusual food items to make sure I’m not going to blow my entire caloric budget for the day with one ill-considered snack.  That has sent me down some gut-bustingly hilarious rabbit holes, where I will ask Google’s Gemini AI insane questions like, “how many calories would be in a four-pound baked potato, into which I cut canals and holes to increase fat absorption, and which I soaked overnight in pure goose fat; then, I bore holes into either end and insert luscious Italian sausage in the middle of the potato, after which I wrap it in thick-cut bacon and deep-fry it in beef tallow?”

The AI then usually scolds me for how unhealthy consuming such a sumptuous, greasy feast would be, at which point I try to double-down on the absudity.

Clearly, yours portly has an odd (and probably unhealthy, given my medical history) relationship with food.  That strange obsession has manifested itself on my YouTube page.

Don’t worry, dear readers:  I’m not a “lolcow,” consuming vast quantities of food for the sick and twisted pleasure of a hate-watching audience.  I just like to do what every mother warns against:  I play with my food.

Today’s videos are examples of that tendency to elevate food into absurdist humor:

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A Yuletide Request for Reader Recommendations

Happy Monday, TPP Readers!

In lieu of my usual Monday Morning Movie Review, I wanted to do something a bit different:  what are some of your favorite films to watch during the month of December, in the build-up to Christmas?

I’m thinking of doing the Christmas equivalent of the 31 Days of Halloween series, but probably not for all thirty-one days of December.  That said, there are some great Christmas movies out there that would be fun to give the 31 Days treatment.

For those that missed that series, here is the idea:  these videos will also be super lo-fi, as a.) I believe in the lo-fi ethic and, more honestly, b.) my video editing skills and capabilities are virtually non-existent.  We’re talking one take with minimal in-camera editing—and that’s it.  No fancy cutaways to clips from the movies; no wacky angles; no green screens placing me in a haunted castle.  At most I’ll hold up a DVD of the flicks if I have one.

My only caveats:  no Polar Express (2004) and no Elf (2003).  Even I have standards!

Let me know your picks in the comments below, or through the contact form on this site.

Thanks!

—TPP